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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say 'no, DH, you didn't 'do the washing'?

81 replies

CredulousThickos · 18/09/2017 08:02

I freely admit our laundry pile is usually a disaster area. But last week I had a big push and got the bulk of it washed, dried and put away.

The remainder was sorted into two bags, one dark and one light, and I put Friday's work and school stuff in it in the evening.

Saturday morning I was lounging in bed and DH came up and made a big show of saying he was going to put the dark load on 'so he had all his work stuff ready'. There was ONE of his work t shirts in there as the rest had all been done.

Later that day I took the load out and hung it up.

Roll onto this morning and he comes downstairs with a flourish. Grabs his clean and dry work shirt and says 'oh it's no nice to be this organised, I'm really glad I put that wash on, I might start doing that every weekend'.

AIBU to think he's a thunderstealing cheeky fucker? All my effort clearly pales into significance because the Man of The House had put stuff in the machine and switched it on.

Grr.

OP posts:
Eolian · 18/09/2017 08:42

YANBU. I went away for 3 nights with the dc at the end of the summer holidays, leaving fairly full washing baskets. Dh announced proudly that he was going to do all of the washing while I was away...

I came back to find all the washing done and heaped in a crumpled pile on the spare bed. I sorted it, folded it and put it all away, and ironed a load of it (I don't normally iron because I fold it straight out if the dryer). It took hours.

Jux · 18/09/2017 08:43

Grin at the lazy fucker, from Kaylee. My lazy fucker, as well a wanting help with everything and congratulations at the performance of a minor task, expect handmaidens to stand doing pointless stuff while he does somethi, like hold the rubbish sack open while he puts something in it, because (even though I have demonstrated it) he doesn't remember/believe that if you fold the top down a few times the bag will stay open all by itself, allowing me to do something else. He just wants an audience.

user1494187262 · 18/09/2017 08:44

I do think that many of you make a rod for your own back tbh.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/09/2017 08:46

It not aout the laundry so much as him bogging himself up and not giving you appreciation and credit, which is very unfair as he is stealing your thunder in the home, and you don't have that outside validation of work. Cheeky so and so

MumW · 18/09/2017 08:46

It's the same with BBQs.

We shop, plan and prepare the food and then he stands over the grill and thinks his done you a great favour and have "had the evening off" so it's only fair that you do the wahing up.

It really pisses me off that keeping the home running is totally undervalued.

I would definitely call him on it and, maybe, challenge him take responsibility for his own clothes for the next month.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/09/2017 08:47

Haha - bigging, bogging him up might be going a bit far....

diddl · 18/09/2017 08:49

Was it not a joke on his part?

Or does he really think that his shirt came out of the machine dry & ready to wear?

kateandme · 18/09/2017 08:52

same problem here
"I did the dishwasher this morning" expectant look on face for a treat???
when clearing the plates."dont say I don't do anything I do.i layed the table in 2015"
"but I did it this morning so don't say I never help out"errm one load out of fifty other things!
grrrrrrrrruf

Pouncival · 18/09/2017 08:53

Slow clap the fucker out of the house

😂😂😂😂😂😂

JustForThisFred · 18/09/2017 08:58

My Dad used to say 'Let's have a BBQ, they're so easy'. One day my quiet, obliging, traditional Mum flipped he lid. He only said it in jest after that. 😂

Original poster
CredulousThickos · 18/09/2017 09:06

He also 'helped me' clean the house on saturday morning as we had people coming.

I cleaned the bathrooms, tidied everywhere, dusted, wiped the fucking skirting boards and door handles, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen and emptied the bins.

In the same frame of time, he sorted the recycling, took his work laptop etc upstairs and hoovered downstairs.

I sat down when I'd finished (he was still hoovering) and he said, oh I'll just carry on slaving while you put your feet up, shall I?'

My answer to that was yep, and make me a coffee while you're at it.

(Lighthearted btw, he's not actually a pig, just a bit daft).

OP posts:
horriblehistorieswench · 18/09/2017 09:09

Oh yes, I wasn't feeling well on Saturday so my DH "did the washing". He went in a huff when I asked if he'd used the right powder for DD's stuff - I have a non-bio for whites & all her stuff (doesn't set off her excema) & coloured powder for everyone else's darks. It's not hard is it? But no I had to re-wash all DD's clothes & having tried to do some ironing this morning have realised he must've dropped half the whites in the garden as there's muddy marks so that needs re-done as well. 17 years! You'd think I'd have trained him better by now

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 18/09/2017 09:10

Running story in our house too. No DP, putting the washing in the machine is not 'Doing the washing'. The washing is not done until it's folded and back in the cupboards.

In fact I do rolls of 1 days clothes for the kids too - just because otherwise they (and he) make a mess looking for them.

See also filling the dishwasher (but leaving the hand washing on the side), doing the shopping (but not putting it away) or getting the kids ready for school (ie. putting them in their already laid out clothes - whilst I do their breakfast, packed lunches and make sure they have everything they need for the day and have done their homework)

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2017 09:10

Just let him get on with it but with no help next time.

QuimReaper · 18/09/2017 09:15

This positive reinforcement thing drives me round the twist.

DH actually says to me "you could give me some positive reinforcement" when he does something unprompted. I feel like such a slavish pathetic creep saying "oh thank you sir, sir has brought the stack of dirty dishes from beside his computer down to the kitchen, the dishes which previously held food which I prepared and which will now be actually loaded into the dishwasher by me and later taken out by me, but sir has brought them to me ! Sir is so awe-inspiringly kind and clever!"

I always say to him "I would never be so regressive and patronising as to openly praise you for doing so simple. You have a successful career and some very intellectually-demanding hobbies, and you want a pat on the head for bringing some plates downstairs?"

It implies that all this shit is my job and when he contributes a tiny scrap to it, he's doing me some colossal favour and should be heaped with praise and adulation. I ask so little of him in terms of contribution, I only draw the line where I start to feel like an actual skivvy (i.e. he has literally taken his clothes off and thrown them on the floor and left them there), I'm not praising him for treating me like a human.

MothratheMighty · 18/09/2017 09:17

You need to share out the jobs more equally in your houses people. If DS or DD did the laundry and left it in the machine, or dumped it in a crumpled heap, I'd expect them to complete the job and tell them so.
In the same way that cooking ends when the washing up is done.

QuimReaper · 18/09/2017 09:17

OP you definitely shouldn't have taken the clothes out of the machine - you sorted them and hung them out, that is literally 95% of the work of "doing the laundry"! How on earth can he think spending 30 seconds shoving stuff in, putting in detergent and switching it on is all the work?!

I agree let it go on this occasion and make him feel all proud, but definitely call his bluff and get him to actually "do the laundry" next weekend. Then he can have praise for being so helpful and organised.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/09/2017 09:20

What I dont understand is why there is this need to inform me of what he has done.

He does his own washing which is fine, but when he does the kids washing or cooks a meal (about once a year, not kidding) or hoovers (same) or whatever, a point is made that HE did it. Not in a "I did it because you didnt" kind of way, but in a "look what I did! Fall over onto my knob in gratitude at my wonderfulness!" way. If I point out that he has just done what I do every single day of the week I get a humfy "I was just saying....grump grump"

FFS......Hmm

Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 18/09/2017 09:22

Unless he carried the washing bag down to a river and rubbed the clothes on a rock then the washing machine did the load. .

Francenfeet · 18/09/2017 09:23

God how irritating! Yesterday DH complained there wasn't enough dinner. I pointed out how the dinner I made was a lot bigger and nicer than the one any of the other people in the family made, and the correct response was 'thank you for making dinner'. It's really taking the piss!

ASatisfyingThump · 18/09/2017 09:35

Ugh, the half done jobs. DH emptied the bin this morning, but didn't put a fresh bag in. He puts the washing in the machine AND moves it to the dryer - but he doesn't fold it or put it away, which is the biggest part of the job. Sometimes I think he believes in housework fairies.

user1494187262 · 18/09/2017 09:43

I don't understand these threads.
Posters complaining but not actually doing anything about it.

VinoTime · 18/09/2017 09:51

I'm getting hives just reading this. Yeesh.

An old friend of mine on Facebook actually listed every scrap of housework she had done last night on FB while her husband allegedly scratched his balls played PlayStation, before finishing the post with, 'Wifework complete!' and making a dig at her husband for not helping.

Hmm

I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from responding. It's not 'Wifework', it's 'Mugswork'. But on the plus side, the 50's called and asked you to tea, so YAY you!

Fucking wifework... Angry

Boils my piss.

Waytoogo · 18/09/2017 09:53

I feel your pain OP.

HundredYearOldMan · 18/09/2017 09:54

My DP and I split the housework evenly but we always thank each other 😂 I think it's nice. He thanks me for doing the dishes and I thank him for doing the bins/vacuuming.