To be upset by this email from sports coach?

[Hayesking]

Dd is 11 and captain of a local football team. It's her first season playing and they are in a tough league playing against boys and basically losing every match they play. She got a lot of stick when they made her captain as she was new to the club

At the weekend she didn't play very well, was tired and not feeling well. The coach was cross with her at half time and she cried not hugely but was clearly upset.

Last night he sent me an email saying if she does it again he will take the captaincy away from her.

AIBU to think fucking hell they are 11??

[Hayesking]

She's played really well all season. She stayed at a teammates the night before. He said it was obvious she'd been on a sleepover and 'sometimes I think the girls think I'm blind'. He blames this on her poor play.

I'm really hoping she gives up the captaincy actually. I think he's a twat!

[BackforGood]

{Coaching} is positive, supportive, informative and specific. The coaches go out of their way to look after a child who is a having a howler, one time blaming my daughters (frankly awful) performance on the "sticky pitch". At this age winning and losing don't matter overly: what matters is enjoyment and most importantly skills development. Get those right and the results follow.

This ^ x 1000

All coaches, IMO, but 100% all Youth coaches should be there to encourage dc to play their best, and to show them how to improve. Criticism like in that e-mail is just going to put people off playing.

[BackforGood]

Not really the point Haud, but she actually could be. My dd is 16 and plays U16 level.

[sporadicrains]

His attitude stinks.

Perhaps you could tell him that actually she felt really ill, but insisted on playing because she didn't want to let the side down; and he needs to be a bit more tolerant.

Oh, and what she needs is enthusiastic support, encouragement and inspirational motivation from her coach, and judging from the email you received, he seems to be seriously lacking in all departments...

[Hayesking]

There's no way I'm going to tell her he said that!! I said she can't cry on the pitch, it's really bad for the captain to do that. They lost 12-0 so you'd have to have a fucking degree in sports psychology to support a team out of that!!

[Hayesking]

She wasn't that ill, although she did say she felt unwell this morning. She was tired, she'd overdone it at the sleepover. Her teammate got plenty of praise for her play though, no mention of her sleepover!

[justatoe1]

I would mention that if he makes her cry again, you would be speaking to Club Child Wefare Officer. Not acceptable to make players cry.

[bookwormnerd]

Gosh some people are not made to work with children. No wonder so many children are turned off sport with adults acting like its some proffesional league rather than a great way for kids to keep fit and find a love of the sport. Mind you when I have taught sports I was always teacher telling children its about doing best and enjoying. I would be looking for another team where she can have fun rather than with a coach who thinks they are coaching the england team. Surely clubs for kids are meant to be fun. Hope your daughter is feeling better. We all have off days

[HangingRock]

He said it was obvious she'd been on a sleepover and 'sometimes I think the girls think I'm blind
This made me laugh. He's taking it very seriously.

[lljkk]

It's a lot for a coach to organise. Coaches are volunteers, too. Why should he take it seriously if the kids & their parents don't?

[notacooldad]

She's played really well all season. She stayed at a teammates the night before. He said it was obvious she'd been on a sleepover and 'sometimes I think the girls think I'm blind'. He blames this on her poor play.

To be fair he could be on to something there. How many kids go to sleep st a reasonable time on a sleepover?

Ds used to go on sleepovers and then have an ice hockey game next day. He played awful. He learned to do the sleep over after game night and not before.

Of course the coach is taking it seriously. There would be plenty of pissed off parents if he didn't.
It's not like he rocks up on game day for 90 minutes. The amount of stuff he will be doing behind the scenes can't be done in half an hour! That's exactly why he is being serious.
I think some of the attitudes on here are ridiculous. Saying at that age they are only having fun! No, there's a bit more to it than that. It's not a kick around anymore.
They are old enough to be treating it more seriously otherwise when they go up the next age group its going to be a shock to them competitive sport is about having self discipline. If they can't handle thst they need to find a rec team for a kick about. I say that as someone who has no self discipline in my teen years! I think it puts them in good stead to learn that now.
In all honesty it looks like it was a mistake giving the captaincy to your daughter at this stage as she is so new to the team. Maybe after a year when she had got to know their personalities and strengths would have been a better decision.

[Hayesking]

Well, she doesn't want to step down and is determined to up her game. Poor kid! So I'll just support her as much as possible.

I've worked with enough sporty kids over the years to know there's a fine line between motivation and demoralisation. I'm surprised girls football is still in the dark ages. Most other sports seem to have had a bit of a rebirth.

[lljkk]

Team sports... really wouldn't apply pressure?
It's ok to let yourself down but in team sports, the most reliable, motivated & talented kids get top spots for good reasons.

This is a positive, OP. He's saying he knows she CAN make the commitment & do better. She can't take her position for granted.

[Hayesking]

Not pressure like this, no.

[BackforGood]

I'm surprised girls football is still in the dark ages.

It isn't.
The way this man is behaving isn't reflective of the coaches and managers I see week in, week out, and have done over the last 5 years

[NotBadConsidering]

*It's a lot for a coach to organise. Coaches are volunteers, too. Why should he take it seriously if the kids & their parents don't?
*

It depends what you mean by take it seriously. If you think a coach of 11 year olds should take seriously the responsibility he has in instilling a lifelong love of the game, exercise, team spirit, bonding and enjoyment then I would agree with you. If you mean seriously about getting results, I think that's bullshit.

[NeonFlower]

Look, we won 12:0 at the weekend, and we have been on the receiving end of plenty of 12:0 losses over the years, so there is no shame at all about starting the league that way. Watching the determination and improvement will be amazing.
That said, the politics and people involved sometimes are not worth it. Give the coach some time to see if he comes good and develops a better approach, but don't be afraid to look for another team if this one doesn't suit.

[timshortfforthalia]

Coach is a twat

Hth

[ToadsforJustice]

I'm not sure I would be happy that a man is upsetting my DD enough to make her cry. I wouldn't be happy with the shitty email either. That man needs to get over himself. Perhaps he thinks that he should be a coach for a Premier football club. There is a reason that he isn't. It's just a game of football FGS. No wonder young women give up competitive sports. It doesn't sound like fun at all.

[Raizel]

notacooldad - You and people like you are why this country is light years behind the rest of the world in regards to football, im sorry I know I'm going off topic here but look at how the Brazilians coach their kids, the Dutch, the Germans, the French, the Spanish I could go on. It's not all about winning at that age and it's certainly not making them feel so bad about themselves they will want to quit the game! For the love of god in Holland, Brazil and Spain the kids don't even have a set position until they are 16 before that it is about enjoyment and it is about learning the game it is not just about winning! I really hope to god you are not involved in coaching because people with your attitude are sending UK football back to the Stone Age!

[AtHomeDadGlos]

Gazza's maybe not the best example or role model is he?

[Hayesking]

He's a great example, yes. Possibly not a role model...

[Hayesking]

raizel I'm disappointed in the coaching. When we signed up the youth manager talked to us all about how important the social and psychological side was, it all sounded very modern. But the reality is just a lot of chippy dads and moaning mums. And the language! It's put me off tbh. She's a good athlete. I hope she goes down a different path. Hockey was as skilled and exciting but much better run.

[Raizel]

Hayesking - I completely understand that it is putting you off letting her play football but it is such a great sport and if she enjoys it you shouldn't let this coach put you off. There are so many good football coaches it's just difficult to find one. Also I apologise for going off on a tangent with my previous post but attitudes like that really annoy me. At your daughters age it really is about enjoyment and development any coach worth their salt would tell you that.

I'm totally with you I've heard appalling things shouted at kids who are 6, 7, 8 years old you know because of this we must win at all costs attitude. To win in sports is important but not at ages this young and as young as your daughter and certainly not at the expense of developing the player.

I really hope you get this situation sorted out for your daughter.

Also to the people who have been saying she is captain she has responsibilities she is suppose to inspire please bear in mind she isn't Abraham Lincoln! She isn't leading a desperate charge into no mans land and she is not captaining England as an adult in a World Cup final she is simply an 11 year child doing her best.