Fiancé left me to a Jehovah witness

[xoxoGossipGirl]

I know this isn't really an AIBU but I just didn't really know where to put this.

Basically I fell in love with a man we got on so well it felt as if I knew him all my life! Things went very quickly I became engaged and fell pregnant everything was amazing! I met his mother and family a few times! And never knew his family were Jehovah witnesses he never spoke to me about it and neither did his family! I was 5 months pregnant and there was a massive family gathering I still never knew it wasn't until his sister told me they are Jehovah witnesses... it's like they were embarrassed or something? Like if your so proud of a religion why keep this quiet to me? My fiancé wasn't a JW anymore he explained to me he left years ago etc I thought oh ok.. I knew it was a little weird but let it slide anyway.... we had the baby everything was still great.... this year he broke up with me things got a little hard but we instantly fixed them and started to move on wasn't until recently he said he doesn't want me anymore as he wants be a JW again... (his mum was always talking about the bible etc when everything all came out they were JW but she would talk to me about it all the time) anyway I'm so hurt and angry at him and myself for being so stupid. He basically said that he wouldn't ask me to be one but hinted so many times but I don't want to be I've been to meetings for his family I've experienced things to be nice for his family and isn't my thing. I assumed it wasn't for my fiancé either as he gave that impression too! It's like I had to choose to be a JW and he'll take me back or if I don't want to be one he doesn't want me anymore obviously didn't say it like that but just gave off the impression! I grew up with Christmas and birthdays etc so of course changing to something seems odd to me is going to be hard to understand etc?! But I know it's not for me.

I'm sorry if this all seems so hard to read or a little confusing I'm just so tired and hurt and I'm now a single mum trying to get myself back together again and understand has actually happened!

Please tell me it will be ok? And am I in the wrong to not want to be one? I feel so guilty for some reason I feel guilty for my little one as well!

Once again I'm sorry!

Call Baptist. I know 18 ex-JWs. How many do you know?

I know a family of JWs really well. Very nice people. But as in all walks of life you have nice and not so nice. I also know an ex JW and he feels his childhood was messed up by it and is now an alcoholic.

When you join, you're love bombed so hard your world spins. Then it's 'us vs the world' mentality.

Then you start getting tired with all the hours of ministry you're expected to do but elders see you slipping and 'have a word'. You say what's on your mind, that you struggle to balance work and JW life, and you become 'marked'.

You start having questions, real questions, about anything concerning status quo or theology, etc. The answer you get doesn't actually answer your questions. Your faith dwindles, but you have to pretend. If you're unlucky enough to have been born into JW life, you risk losing all your support by challenging inner conflicts. So you carry on. Smile, so 'the world' knows you're happy and say 'they're nice, friendly people'.

Etc etc. Read ex jw testimony on YouTube or reddit.

United Nations
The blood issue
1975
Beth Sarim (sp?)
Freemasons
Child Abuse scandals
'Human Rights' are our enemy
Domestic violence
Not declaring any of the legal settlements that donations pay for.

...these are things you should look into.

Ah you are baptist.

How many actual JW do you know? Not ex JW.

I have met many more than 18 and two of my bestfriends at university were JW. Very christian ethos and respectable.

Never tried to force it on me and could give me a good explanation of why they don't celebrate christmas, birthdays or believe in the Trinity etc.

Their families really strive hard to live by bible principles.

They respect other religions and don't slander them which I really like. They love all and respect all as Jesus commanded.

Yes they do prefer to socialise intimately with their own as it is easier to socialise with people who don't smoke, do immorality, get drunk do drugs or are not trying to live by the bible.

But they socialise with everyone. I went to both their weddings and it was lovely.

OP, you say, "things went very quickly" leading you to become engaged to, and pregnant by, this man.

For your own well-being and protection, please take your next relationship slowly. Let your head rule,your heart, not vice versa.

I think that this man is using the religion argument as a smokescreen. You got together, and got pregnant, quickly. You temporarily split then got back together again, so clearly there were some problems in the relationship, then all of a sudden he wants out because of the religion he left some time ago? I know very little about the Jehovah's Witnesses but I don't think that it's relevant anyway.

His argument is a bit different to "it's not you, it's me" but it's the same sort of thing. I think that it's just a convenient excuse.

Take care of yourself and your baby, make sure that he supports you financially and proceed more cautiously next time. Good luck.

i was brought up a JW. Sex outside marriage is considered a terrible sin. It sounds like he wanted to have his cake and eat it. He doesn't sound very reliable, stable or trustworthy. He doesn't seem to know his own mind. i find it extraordinary that he didn't tell you his family were JW's until you were pregnant, and that they seemed happy to have you around initially. I have found them to be poisonous. They aren't a cult, just a very dogmatic religion which is seriously damaging to families when one or more doesn't 'believe'.

My advice is to accept this relationship is over and find someone who is more mature and knows his own mind. Unfortunately you will find that the family of this man, and the man himself will do all they can to brainwash your child, so please be aware of that.

tell him your going to become a Muslim / Sikh / Hindu and take your DD to religious meetings with you Poor analogy: Sikhism and Hinduism are non-prosletysing...but I reckon Islam might be a force to be reckoned with

Nice try though!

Jaydot500 there are Youtube theories like these on anything.

Human Rights acts actually protect JW in places like Russia where they are misunderstood as a cult and by countries in general that do not take kindly to freedom of religion.

Beware of getting your info on JW from youtube.

The bible says that those trying to worship correctly would be hated by the masses as they are different. Those trying to do Gods will are seen as weird or messed up, it's sad.

Mulberry - finally some common sense.

You have seen this situation for what it is and not an opportunity to slander a people and religion in this way.

We will agree to disagree Call as your experience is very different to mine. I currently know only one active member of the JW who is a lovely lady but only joined up because her son became a JW and basically said if she didn't convert he would never see her again. So she did because she loved her son. She is a shadow of her former self and has stopped doing things like singing. She was a phenomenal singer, could have been professional, but stopped participating because lots of concerts are in churches and the JW said she couldn't go into other churches (which doesn't go along with your non-slandering other religions somewhat). I challenged her on this and said "If God gave you your voice, isn't it a sin not to use it?"

The socialising with everyone is not something that I nor my JW friend or ex-JW friends would agree with you about.

I know that I have a complete prejudice against Jehovah's Witnesses because of my experiences with them in the work place. I have never been one (would never become one) but that 'us vs the world' mentality that someone mentioned up thread is so true. They don't care if they are in the wrong even on a work matter with nothing to do with religion. They will band together, even get people fired. They care about nothing and no-one but their own little group. It is less a religion and more of a cult and OP I think you are better off far, far away from that family. I hope you stay away from them.

I also hope that involvement with this guy and having a child with him doesn't cause more problems for you. I do suspect they will try to recruit your child as they get older. It may be worth reading up on this. Good luck OP

Shatners Wig - your opinion has lost all credibility to me.

She became a JW because she would never see her son again? That is complete and utter bs.

I know families who are split in their beliefs within JW.

The way they see it is, if for some reason you married a non JW you must try make it work and be a good husband or wife and take it into consideration that they are not. God still views your vows to them just as seriously and you are to love and respect them the same.

How on earth did you come up with that a mother would not ever see her son again if she didn't convert? That is the most ludicrous thing ever.

Family is family to God and to JW'S.

@CallmeFP

I speak from experience and you are correct. DHs family are JW, they joined when he was young. But when he was old enough to make his own decisions he no longer went to meetings.

We are very close to his family, he has not been shunned in any way. We got married in church, they all attended. They talk to our children about Christmas, Santa, birthdays, etc. It's just a given that they don't celebrate it.

I think the wildly differing views about JW stems from the fact that like most religions there are varying degrees of how closely and literally followers adhere to their chosen belief system. Some interpret the bible, others take every word literally.

When I saw the title, I thought this was going to be a light-hearted posted, where dh invited a JW in, and then left you to deal with them! What you detail is far more serious.

Wishing you all the best as you go forward.

I'm not going to comment more on this thread, it's hateful and slanderous not to mention extremely misleading.

OP I wish you the best.

Call Excuse me, how dare you tell me I am talking bullshit. I have known this lady 20 years and that is PRECISELY what happened as SHE herself told all of us at the time. She adores her son and couldn't stomach the thought of not seeing him again. I have not dared to say you are wrong, merely that my experience differs from yours. Our experiences are different and I have respected that and I have not accused you of lying or talking bullshit.

How DARE you!

Thanks Curls - you;re a breath of fresh air.

I too have very positive experiences of them and respect them highly. It's such a shame they are so misunderstood.

I agree with PP about self-preservation, but object to the demonisation of the JWs (I'm not one, btw - but am religious in my own way and would hate to see my beliefs vilified or ridiculed as some are).

I thought this. I really did, until I saw them in action. I am happy for people to have their own beliefs and have always respected that. I know that for that reason I have an uneasiness about my feelings towards JW but I can't lie, if I found out someone I just met was one I'd avoid them like the plague.

My mother, who is a JW still, will not go to an art group because it's funded by the Church, even though she was loving it before she knew. She won't do yoga because 'we are told it has its basis in Hindu religion'. Everything she does and thinks is warped. She wasn't going to go to my wedding because it was in a Church, and only did so very grudgingly in the end. Everyone, and i mean everyone, she meets is a target for conversion. She ruined my engagement party by trying to convert everyone thee and having embarrassing conversations. She sent my MIL 'literature' in the post. I could go on and on. However, all of her children left the religion and she still sees us all . My father was also never a JW despite going to meetings sometimes. I think it is more that the religion discourages any association with those who are not JW , to avoid their flock being 'weakened' in their resolve. In other words questioning the rubbish they are taught to believe.

Shatners Wig it is indeed bullshit that unless she converted she would 'never see her son again'. Bullshit called.

You are a baptist. Baptists hate JW's and are hateful and slanderous. There. How does that feel?

If I were to base all Baptists on your posts then I would think that, but I don't. I know some lovely Baptists who actually live by the rules of kindness, compassion and love.

Call OK, now you really are talking out of your hat and you accuse me of losing credibility. Where do you get Baptists hating JWs and being hateful and slanderous? The only one here being hateful and slanderous now is you.

Would you like my friend's number? You can ring her up if you like.

Oh, and if Baptists are so hideous, why are there 7 ex-JWs in our church?

Mulberry, the ones I have known are discreet but I know some totally try to convert everyone.

There are many things that we do nowadays, christmas, halloween, mediation and do not look further into what it actually means and where it comes from.

Jesus preached and said his followers would and that it would be the difference between the true religion that listens to him and other religions. They see it as trying to save you before it is too late, before God intervenes and ends all wickedness which is undeniably increasing. This is also a sign of the times.

So they have a reason for the things they do but yes it can be annoying when you're trying to have a bacon sandwich or a lie in and they knock on your door.

Run with your child and don't look back.

Shatners - I do not think that about Baptists. I was using it as an example of how not to judge over 7 million people on one person you know.

Thank you for all these kind messages the only person I talk to and get along is his sister as she's an ex-JW and the whole family don't talk to her or her son they don't want nothing to do with her blocked her number etc because she wants to do what she's wants to And they aren't happy with who she's friends with as well. So that's another reason why they don't talk to her or want anything to do with her.

Also I'll definitely seek legal advice and see what I can do.. after being around it I know a lot and met thousands of JW they are nice people I'm not dissing it what so ever but it's just not for me and they can be so pushy with it even my exs mother admitted they are pushy as they know it's the best thing they did and want everyone else to know. I know some of my post didn't make sense but he honestly didn't tell me about his family were JW but I suppose in the future I won't rush into it... he said and did the right things and I assumed he was the one. And for my little one! I'll definitely teach her all kinds of religions and to be honest I'm not threatened by it it's just him I feel threatened by! Thank you for all your kind messages I didn't expect to get so many!