To ask for the best way to speak to a colleague about her personal hygiene?

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I've been nominated by senior management to speak to one of our team members about her personal hygiene.

There is a team of 8 that I'm not apart of (manage a different dept but they are linked) they are all making comments about this lady and her personal hygiene, not nasty but uncomfortable to them.

From what I've been told, she is having long term personal problems and a part of that is letting her personal hygiene go, not washing hair, showering, wearing clothes day after day. The complaints are a musty smell which can be quite strong.

This lady has been employed for years, no issue with her work ethic, no issues apart from how her team are feeling and no one wants to say anything. I've been nominated because I'm seen as someone that can deal with anything but between us, I've not had to do this before, any tips?

The lady In question is very reserved and quiet, really just gets on with doing a great job and apart from her making me a cup of tea when I visit we have no relationship, I don't want to offend her but the situation is offending 7 people on daily basis and I've been asked to have a quiet word.

I just want to help all without offending, is that possible?

I think I'd empathetically ask if she's ok, a few people have noticed you seem to be struggling with more personal day to day issues, not work related, but do you need some support and have you seen your doctor

She may need some time off work to gather herself again if she's taking meds and support from her GP

I probably wouldn't do it alone. It lays you open to being accused of all sorts. HR should be there. To protect you. What happens if she takes it really badly and complains?

is it possible to say what you've already mentioned.wantig to offer support.youve noticed a change and that its saddened you because she doesn't appear to be caring for herself.
and maybe say you wanted to come to her because if you have noticed other more insensitive people in the office might and you don't want any dick head comments to come from people who don't "get it" put the oweness on them.
but I think the hygiene if thi noticeable does need to be mentioned. its going to be really hard but I don't see any other way.
perhaps if she is able to open up after you've started covno it can be gradually bought in.
what do you manage to do in a day?are you manageing to shower and wash and eat properly.are you managing to do things you enjoy.kind of bundle it in a big sentence before you zero in on the detail you need to cover?

Horrible situation.

Your managers need to work with you on this one as the conversation you have with her cannot come out of the blue.

Stage one: Your management team issues a very general reminder of dress code and expectations for all.
What is/ isn't acceptable in terms of clothing, piercings, hair styles, footwear. Emphasis on 'smart' or 'smart-casual'.

Stage 2: As a supervisor, hold an individual meeting with anyone on your team who doesn't currently follow the dress code for whatever reason - this is your chance to talk to the woman concerned.

Stage 3 - Start off by referring to the management e-mail which has been sent out to all. Tell her that you have been asked to discuss dress code with all members of your team and that you have noticed that you have noticed that her personal presentation has changed recently. Explain how.
Empathise and ask her if she is ok - tell her you understand that dress codes are infuriating but stress that the company expects employees to have a smart, clean appearance at all times. Be explicit - Clean clothes, hair etc.

I know it's a long winded way of going about it but it is very important she is not singled out initially. The conversation you have with her 1:1 has to come off the back of Management rules.

good point lofari if it has gotten to this obvious'a stage something is very wrong.and if that is depression it could break what little shes held together with.so if you do think its depression then you just need to blank the smell bit for now and go for depression and how to get her out of that.the rest,from that will come.
but no matter how kindly you put it.if she gos home with depression monster looming it will pick up on the hygiene thing and lob it at her hard in the face to make her feel even worse.

InspMorse great way of doing it.

are there other workers who could legit be talked to bout their own look so she could see she isn't being the only one.

Just to add, I personally would talk to ALL members of my team individually following the management 'dress code' reminder/e-mail.
Others could be reminded about minor things in their 'interview' with you - piercings, hair not tied up... whatever you can think of.
OR, for many, they can just be praised for their smart dress code.

Please don't single this woman out.

If, after all of this, nothing changes - hold a follow up meeting with her and refer to your previous discussion.

Poor woman, my heart goes out to her. Kid gloves for this one OP.

What an awful situation for you both.

I have had to do this when a care manager years back. Unfortunately employee information about smart,clean appearance does not work when those involved do not realise they are smelling. Sadly sometimes even when confronted, however sympathetically, with this truth the denial can turn to anger.

Two clients had complained to their social worker about two workers who smelt of BO and the poor man had to try to open the window after they had left.

I spoke to both of them, one of whom took it reasonably well and sorted it out. The second, whose problem was extreme, immediately left, storming out. I later took a call from her husband who threatened to run me over and that I was cruel and his wife did not smell. He clearly had become accustomed to it and therein lies the problem. There was no coming back from that.

Sorry Insp that's a terrible way of going about it. Huge waste of time and energy to send this message to everyone when there's one specific person it's aimed at and hope that it gets through to the one person you need it to! It's very passive and pretty terrible management to be so afraid to raise an issue with an employee that you go about it so indirectly. Given that she's not exactly fastidious about her own hygiene ATM all your approach is gonna do is make everyone worry if it's aimed at them, get the majority looking around wondering who on earth it's getting at while being probably too vague for this lady to realise it's about her. And even if she does I'd argue it's more humiliating to bring up hygiene in the workplace to everyone then to take her aside for a quiet word!

It's not remotely necessary to try avoid her feeling singled out when the problem is with her at this moment. Singling her out and dealing with it in a direct kind and clear manner is the best way forward. Not messing about like this. She's a grown woman in the workplace, it's insulting to think that dealing with an issue with one employee needs kid gloves and everyone else who is already compliant dragging into it.

If one employee was constantly checking in from lunch late and everyone else was fine with that you wouldn't advocate emailing everyone to emphasise the rule when they're already doing it. You'd go to the individual directly.

The only time your advice would be appropriate would be if there is a wide scale issue with hygiene amongst staff. Going on about uniform requirements etc is just gonna be a big waste of time when the problem is hygiene with a single person.

I reiterate, try ask a manager for her advice on this.

Just read your second post recommending the manager focus on 'piercings, hair not tied up, whatever you can think of' basically nitpicking and creating a problem where there isn't one and putting the majority of employees in the spotlight for something that wasn't previously an issue all to avoid a difficult conversation. That's ridiculous and will create an awful lot of bad feeling towards the OP. Not to mention she's been tasked with dealing with this one lady, I doubt she has the clout to start a systemic approach to workplace attire and nor would she appreciate the blowback she'll inevitably get!

This is an HR / Line managers responsibility.

I wouldn't do it

And yeah don't collude by empathising that 'dress codes are horrendous' haha, so patronising. They're there for a reason and it's not too much to expect someone to show up clean and tidy. Set out your expectations without apology and see if she meets them. I would hate to be managed by someone so passive, indirect and nervous.

Can you update us when this has progressed OP

I seriously want to see whether your Manager has your back on this car crash.
Or if they're planning to wash their hands of responsibility when it goes wrong ("OP handled it badly despite our clear instructions."-type narrative.)

Totally inappropriate that you are being asked to do this. It's her line manger's responsibility. They should keep it kind and factual. Presumably her contract will have something in woolly in it that covers this (standards of dress / behaviour appropriate for work etc etc.) It's no different than if she was being rude to colleagues or turning up late every day. If you feel like you would like to support her then maybe take her out for lunch or a coffee. After a crap conversation with her line manager she might appreciate knowing she's got a friend at work. Poor woman. We had a similar issue with a chap in our team (also smelled, also depression) and our fantastic line manager had a word. He took it as well as can be expected. We all made a bit of a fuss over him that week without letting on that we knew that he'd had that chat obviously, or he'd have been mortified.

So angry about this. What's the point of having management if they shift all responsibility for erm, actually managing people off to other people. Or do they just think management is giving instructions and sodding off. Ergh.

I've an adult son with autism.just heading out into the world.he hasn't washed in 2 yrs.the smell is awful.nothing i or his family do can get him to wash..and this is my worst nightmare,people not wanting to work with him...I've no advice op...but pls tred gently.x

I do sympathise with your situation OP I've had to deal with this a few times in the past it was a different situation though.

One of my colleagues who was working with us on a temporary basis had a really bad B.O problem really nice lad no issues with depression he just could not smell it himself. For me it wasn't just colleagues complaining but customers were complaining about the smell as well. In the end I decided that I would have a small 5 minute chat to all the members of our team, I went through uniform policy, personal hygiene in the work place etc and in this way I tried to make it so I wasn't singling him out in particular and that everyone had the same chat. I don't know if what I did was correct but it certainly fixed the problem and I don't think I hurt anyone's feelings either.

The problem you have is it's all very nice going out for a coffee and talking about life but in the end you are going to have to mention the smell and wether you draw it out or go for it straight away it is still going to be just as embarrassing for this woman.

Kity
We will agree to disagree.
In my opinion your way is completely wrong on this one!
My previous posts say what I would do.

I respect that InspMorse! There's definitely more than one way to play this out. Will be interesting to see the outcome if OP updates.

Update: after posting here I spoke to senior management today, thanked them for thinking of me but declined as although I'd probably be the most diplomatic in speaking to the team member it's not really my place so they need to do it.

I've offered to have my name mentioned as in "I spoke to Daily, she is someone I confide in for my own support and she wants you to know you can always speak to her"

We don't know that this lady isn't having financial problems, has damp or her washing machine/tumble is knackered or whether there is some depression or anxiety. The point is, we don't Know unless we speak to her but me rocking in from another team isn't the right approach or in her best interest (they were passing the buck my way so thank you for letting me figure that out)

Eezergoode - love your username I can understand your worry but lots of us are willing and I'd love to take your son under my wing and support him in learning about a working week. I wish your lad lots of luck

EezerGoode,

This may not be any help whatsoever to your DS, but my friend's (non-Autistic, but severely phobic and with sensory issues) teenage son was finally persuaded to use this no-rinse hygienic cleanser...thus, crucially, no (to him, terrifying) water/ showers/ baths/ damp flannels etc. needed to be involved.

It also meant he had far more control, as rubbing it on and towelling off was within his own capabilities, with only minimal supervision from his DPs.

www.norinse.co.uk/product/pits-bits-towel-off-body-wash-antibacterial-unfragranced/

Hope it, or some equivalent, might improve the situation for you both.