I think DP should be sperm donor

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

Just watched a heartbreaking documentary on same sex couples trying to find sperm donors and I thought why doesn't DP do it? Not he old fashioned way but the in a cup job. We have two children and he is slim, dark, athletic (ish) so I think there would be a few who wouldn't mind him be the genetic basis for their children. Am I strange to think he should do this? Not for financial reasons, just because it helps people.

And yes I did consider egg donation for an egg swap for a friend and offered it to her long before I met dh. Unfortunately she didn't get to meet her dh until after the cut off age plus I've miscarried in the past which puts me off anything like that now.

Well thanks for all the comments, I've now signed up to find out more about egg donation. All your catty comments only fuelled me, as I know I'm genuinely trying to do a good thing. Peace out.

@ExtraPineappleExtraHam very best of luck to you - what an absolutely wonderful thing to be considering. There are certain criteria for egg donors

• must be 18-35
• BMI under 30
• dependent on familial medical history

Ovarian reserve applies for egg sharers but I'm not sure about purely altruistic donors

Even thinking about it is a wonderfully giving thing to be considering. Wishing you all the very best

ExtraPineappleExtraHam

With regard to you being mixed race, IMO it would only make you a better donor.

Number two: I'm mixed race
Do you think only white people are affected by infertility?

@SandyY2K no but I'm quite a strange mixture and so the likelihood of a couple who are a bit white, a bit Chilean and a bit Indian needing a donor would be quite rare! I think my children look white so I probably would be most suited to being a donor for a white family, but I don't know how the donation system works.

Being mixed race might be problematic for egg donation (I am not sure, but I know not a lot on this) but if you want to do something altruistic, you could get on the bone marrow register! They have a dreadful need for mixed race and ethnic minority donors, as most registered are white but not compatible with minority recipient.

@Grecian100 you are right, the term parent can be subjective. For the benefit of donor children and parents, we will always call our donor just that, and my husband will be a genetic donor.

Late to this, but italian, our clinic does offer reductions (of varying amounts I believe) to anyone who can donate to offset treatment.

I still think it was a wonderful thing to do. If I could donate eggs (and I might be able to), I would like to do it.

three - yes, you do need money. OTOH, lesbian couples have a much better average chance of getting there with the first round IUI, rather than needing multiple rounds/IVF. So I suppose there's that.

Anyway, I mentioned it just because it's useful to know that some things might be available on the NHS even if the full cost isn't.

MrsFw, you might well know, but something I found out recently and thought was fascinating, was there's increasing evidence that the woman who carries a pregnancy has quite an effect on the foetus, even if that foetus doesn't carry her own DNA. Not just in terms of basics like 'does it get enough nourishment from her body' but in terms of subtler things too, I believe.

I know about host mares when breeding -, embryo transfer is an accepted technique for obtaining foals from mares without interrupting their competition careers. An embryo transfer into a large host mare will often produce a larger foal than would be expected from the mother - it is like it grows to fill the space. Nonetheless, the technique is used because the expectation is the foal will have the mother's talent - very ordinary mares will be the host. It wouldn't be used regularly in the horse world if the host had that great an influence.

@LRDtheFeministDragon epigenetics is fascinating

Although as someone going down the surrogacy route, it's interesting how the narrative changes depending on which side of the infertility coin you are

If it's donor egg: the egg is only a cell, it's your body that nourishes the baby and it's your own DNA that imprints on it via the placenta due to epigenetics

If it's gestational surrogacy: it's completely genetically your baby, it's your bun and the surrogate is just the oven

Fact is both are true - because neither genetics nor carrying a pregnancy is what makes you a parent

I very much hope that one day we can tell a future child of ours that a very special lady helped us to become their mummy and daddy, by looking after them for 9 months and helping to bring them into the world. Their tummy mummy will always play a role in their life, but we would be his or her parent

When I think about donating eggs I don't see that in anything like the same way. I see donating my eggs as like giving away a raw ingredient, but that I have nothing to do with the bun. I wouldn't see myself as the egg mummy of a donor conceived child whereby I was the donor - whereas a surrogate mother would necessarily play a different role

High five to @Mrsfw, raising the uber barrens flag high

Yes because it's his body. How would you feel if he told you that he thought that you should be an egg donor? Or a blood donor?

I mean, I have joked to my partner when a bit broke "go down the sperm bank love could do with £50" but I'm laughing and not serious. I love that men do donate and that helps families who can't have their own, it's also amazing when a woman donates her eggs but I find it weird to seriously suggest it to someone. If he brought it up and you were ok with the idea then go ahead, but these things need to be wanted done by the person, not have it suggested to them. Maybe I'm over-thinking it though, sperm donation is a big deal and can be difficult knowing you have children out there and not knowing them or if they turn up at 18 and have had a hard time of it, the guilt would be awful. I am a big worrier though so not the best judge of it.

I think I'd feel really jealous at the thought of another woman being pregnant with my dhs biological child, even if it was through sperm donation and he'd never had any form of contact with the woman.

I bet, banana. I'm lucky - as the non-birth mum, I made no contribution in the egg, sperm, or womb capacity!

I think parenting is fascinating full stop.

I know someone who donated eggs. Her children are very proud of her although they weren't told when they were young.

LRDtheFeministDragon I didn't know about the incentives for males.
but I did know about the fact the recipient can turn on certain genes or whatever in the pregnancy. As you say "I found out recently and thought was fascinating, was there's increasing evidence that the woman who carries a pregnancy has quite an effect on the foetus, even if that foetus doesn't carry her own DNA"

OP good on you for wanting to donate eggs, I hope it goes very well. It is a wonderful gift.

randomer you clearly are not reading the thread!