I think DP should be sperm donor

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

Just watched a heartbreaking documentary on same sex couples trying to find sperm donors and I thought why doesn't DP do it? Not he old fashioned way but the in a cup job. We have two children and he is slim, dark, athletic (ish) so I think there would be a few who wouldn't mind him be the genetic basis for their children. Am I strange to think he should do this? Not for financial reasons, just because it helps people.

IUI can be cheaper than that per cycle - you can sometimes qualify for some of the pre-treatment stuff on the NHS, which takes the total cost down.

That's good to know LRD. But presumably still £££ needed.
I was aware that all types of fertility treatment are very underfunded on the NHS in relation to demand, but I hadn't realised that the financial eligibility bar had been set that high for women in a same sex couple.

(Given that same financial costs wouldn't apply to a straight couple TTC before they could be eligible for NHS treatment.)

How would your children feel that they have half siblings that they'll struggle to meet?

Especially knowing their mother pimped him out...

It used to be possible to buy frozen sperm from overseas sperm banks (Cryos in Denmark is where a significant proportion of donor sperm comes from, no pun intended) directly, so same sex couples could have the canisters shipped to their home for home DIY insemination

As I understand it from a friend in a same sex relationship, the regulations changed and now sperm can only be imported directly to a clinic for use in IUI or IVF, which made it significantly more expensive to access

She and her wife did reciprocal IVF using imported frozen Viking sperm from Finland, as the UK donor database is so small

At one point a UK national sperm bank had a total of just nine registered donors

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/science/2015/aug/31/britains-national-sperm-bank-wants-men-to-prove-their-manhood

ExtraPineappleExtraHam it's nice to help others but it's not your sperm to share.

LRDtheFeministDragon "Our daughter was born because someone donated sperm, and I feel hugely grateful to that person. We know, because he said, that he donated because his wife had fertility treatment. So donating will, hopefully, have made their treatment more affordable. But I still think it was a lovely thing to do and he wrote a really thoughtful message about it."

Male sperm donors in the UK do not get paid other than expenses. When women donate eggs during the fertility process they do get a form of compensation that allows them to get cheaper fertility treatment, called egg sharing. So for women donating eggs the desire to get cheaper treatment may be a feature but as far as I know it doesn't affect males who donate. Just so you know your donor was most likely completely altruistic but motivated by his own situation in a good way.

"People often ask ‘how much do UK sperm banks pay?’ and we have to make one essential point very clear. We don’t pay, we compensate. The HFEA which regulates the fertility industry rightly insists we emphasise this distinction. The amount offered is not a payment and a person should never feel compelled to donate for financial gain but rather because they want to help a family in need. So, the monies a donor receives is to compensate for out of pocket expenses. The amount in the UK is set at £35 per visit."

www.londonspermbank.com/london-sperm-bank-blog/entry/how-much-do-uk-sperm-banks-compensate-their-donors

@Italiangreyhound there are schemes to encourage sperm donation along the same lines as egg sharing

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/12184053/Couples-get-free-IVF-if-they-persuade-friend-to-donate-sperm.html

hertsandessexfertility.com/sperm-sharing/

HFEA regulations permit altruistic egg donors who aren't donating as part of an egg sharing scheme to be offered £750 expenses to reimburse them for travel costs, loss of earnings and any out of pocket expenses incurred through the egg donation cycle

bananafish81 "there are schemes to encourage sperm donation along the same lines as egg sharing"

Ah I did not know that. I guess it depends how long those schemes have been going whether they affected the poster who mentioned it.

I had treatment with donor eggs many years ago. One donor was altruistic and the other an egg sharer. I think I felt equally grateful to both women. Sadly, it did not work but I already had a dd and now have a ds through adoption. I just remember being so excited when we finally made it to the top of the list and got info on our donor.

"If he goes to Europe, the anonymity ban is still in place so he won't be traceable. "

But give some thought to the potential child/Adult. We changed the law/guidelines because people were suffering because they couldn't trace their biological Parent, it also had health implications.

I don't know how you could help to create a person, but not give a shit how your actions have affected their MH.

Mind you, plenty of Parents who raise their children seem to not struggle with that.

We chose to have treatment in the UK exactly because we wanted any child to be able to trace the donor, if they wished to.

Wtf is wrong with you?

I've always thought my DH should be a sperm donor. He's very good looking, kind and good natured, and incredibly intelligent (he's literally a rocket scientist). He wouldn't ever want to have children he doesn't know about though, and I would never push the subject, but I do think the world could benefit from more people like him. :) I think I'm just in love.

My darling nephews were born, like LRD's adorable daughter, because someone had generously donated sperm.

It has brought loved, wanted, glorious people into the world.

My point isn't that regulated gamete donation is wrong- quite the opposite I wish it were more available.
I just hadn't previously realised how financially inaccessible licensed treatment is for many women (specifically for same sex couples) and how that's putting a lot of people right in the path of a lot of potential danger and heartbreak if they are relying on strangers off the internet.

We had a lot of treatment and paid for it all. IUI, which might prove successful for most women without fertility issues, is not exorbitant. As the NHS is very stretched for funds then I think it is only reasonable that there are some limits on fertility treatment.

What oobnect to is that it appears to vary dependant on where you live.

That clip on page one of the young woman distressed at not knowing her biological father initially was very moving. I would imagine that reaction is not the usual since many donor conceived children seem fine with their heritage.

There is always the option to have a friend act as donor but still go through all the medical checks etc. My lesbian friend did that to have her child.

In the kindest possible way.
You need to get out more,.
You have way too much time on your hands if you're sat 'thinking about how it would be a a good idea for your husband to donate his bodily his bodilyf fluids.

As an egg recipient some of the comments on here kill me.

My husband will be donating his sperm after we finish treatment. At no point will these donated gametes be his children, they will only share genetic history.

In the same way, at no point is my donor the 'biological mother' or parent of the children we will have.

Being a parent is the intention to do so whether via surrogacy or through donor treatment. We will 100% be the parents of these children and no one else.

Mrs I see where you are coming from but from a legal/humanistic perspective your husband would be the biological parent of any children produced and they would have the right to know his identity when they turn 18. The term parent can be very subjective.

The men increasingly wanted NI (sex rather than artificial insemination) and it just seemed so unsafe and seedy.

I read an article about that.
In most cases the men will meet the woman and provide the sample in a clinical way (do the deed in a cup) but in some cases, they meet to discuss the 'process' and if the woman is really attractive, they will talk her into having sex, They tell her it 'increases the chance of conception taking place''
.

The men increasingly wanted NI (sex rather than artificial insemination) and it just seemed so unsafe and seedy.

I read an article about that.
In most cases the men will meet the woman and provide the sample in a clinical way (do the deed in a cup) but in some cases, they meet to discuss the 'process' and if the woman is really attractive, they will talk her into having sex, They tell her it 'increases the chance of conception taking place''
.

Yes cute there was a man on the programme that likes to do NI as it is 'free sex' and he is thrilled when the woman is very attractive. It sounded so slimy and sleazy and really made me rethink the whole process.

Sorry cud

Yabu to think he should do it. Very very unreasonable. It's his body not yours. There is no should about it.

You would not be unreasonable to support him if he wanted to do it. Why don't you just tell him about the documentary? He may not be interested at all in donating but if it's something that he does express an interest in then he can watch it for himself.