AIBU to be fuming that DS has been sent home because of his hair???

[brodyblake]

DS had his haircut just before he started secondary school. In the uniform rules, it just saying no "extreme hairstyles" does not give any kind of description as to what those may be. Bugger me, he goes in with a perfect uniform, a nice smart haircut and is told it's a no!!! They have said that he is to be in isolation until it grows to an acceptable length they didn't say what would be classed as extreme!!!!!!!!

Jassy:
I am very amused by the mental gymnastics by some on this thread to maintain that missing a day's classroom teaching by being on holiday or at a relative's wedding is unacceptable, irreplaceable and certainly can't be replicated by any form of out-of-class learning, but it's fine and absolutely not detrimental to a child's education to miss a week of classroom teaching

Where? Who said that?

Jassy

BakedBeans47

Not everyone chooses the school. Unless you make a placing request into a non catchment school up here (Scotland), they go to the catchment school which is obliged to take them.

Of course there is choice. You can:
a) go private
b) move to a catchment area where there are non-uniform schools if it is that important to you and your child

Or better still:
c) abide by the rules of the school in which your child is enrolled

Flower back in reality the vast majority of people cannot do your first two options.

I suggest you speak to the HT about the effect isolating him in a new school will have.

Tell them that the isolation will have a detrimental effect on his emotional well-being and his education.

Apologise about the haircut, but do not accept this without taking it further.

If you are unsuccessful, go to the governors or the LEA.

I saw the news story about the child who has been excluded for dreadlocks. From the traditional first-day-back- at-school-in-front-of-the-door picture he was perfectly neat and tidy and above all, happy.

I don't agree with a previous poster who said she thought the school's head would win. I've heard that followers of Rastafarianism are not meant to cut their hair so I don't understand why the head claims not to or is disputing this aspect of their faith. It is West London, not the West Country*, you ought to be familiar with that.

The child's hair is neatly tied back in a big bun and he looks like a nice boy. The mother is calm and articulate. As others have said, the choice in schools is an illusion particularly in that area of London which I live close to.

I think it's indirect discrimination on grounds of faith and the head might have to back down. After all, we'd never expect a Sikh boy to cut his hair and stop wearing a rumal, a patka or a turban if he wanted. Neither would we lop off an Orthodox Jew's side curls. The idea would be disturbing.

Here is Chikayzea Flanders in his oversized uniform. I think he looks like a normal boy wanting to get a proper education at a civilised school rather than a dangerous subversive

a) go private

This is not a choice the majority of the population can afford!

b) move to a catchment area where there are non-uniform schools if it is that important

Ditto

Or better still:
c) abide by the rules of the school in which your child is enrolled

Well, of course, the masses need to be kept under control....(yeah right)

Flower, what life experiences has lead you to these conclusions?

Sorry. The *West Country wasn't meant to be derogatory to people who live in that part of the world. I meant to add that my 80-something MIL lives in an almost all-white seaside town and knows that people are people . It's patronising to say that of her because of course she would

Evelynismyspyname

Flower back in reality the vast majority of people cannot do your first two options.

Why not move? If the uniform issue is so great an issue to a parent, so much that it eats them up as much as it appears to on this thread/in DM articles, so damaging to their individuality as so many posters here have claimed, then surely in wanting the best for your child you'd move heaven and earth to avoid such a terrible place as a school with a uniform policy. So change jobs, move house, do whatever you need to do to ensure your child goes to a non-uniform school.

Or, like I said, better still, abide by the school's rules.

ponderingprobably rather than go off-thread and go through all my life experiences, I refer you to my reply to Evelynismyspyname.

c) abide by the rules of the school in which your child is enrolled
Well, of course, the masses need to be kept under control....(yeah right)

Especially if you feel that sticking to a simple school uniform is a way of keeping the masses under control (for crying out loud). Why don't you move?

Flower you're playing devil's advocate presumably?

You know that probably the majority of people don't have the resources for that level of mobility, and have other more or equally important concerns to balance, such as elderly relatives to care for or being tied to an area due to employment. How many non uniform state secondary schools still exist in the UK? You are being incredibly flippant.

Why not move? If the uniform issue is so great an issue to a parent, so much that it eats them up as much as it appears to on this thread/in DM articles, so damaging to their individuality as so many posters here have claimed, then surely in wanting the best for your child you'd move heaven and earth to avoid such a terrible place as a school with a uniform policy. So change jobs, move house, do whatever you need to do to ensure your child goes to a non-uniform school.

As mentioned before, moving costs money. Also why should people have to move away from their families and communities, with the mutual support that goes along with this, instead of tacking unfair school rules within their community? Schools should serve and support a community.

As for abiding by the rules. Yes, if they are reasonable but if nobody every challenged unfair discriminatory rules, such as those which are racist, sexist or disablist, our society is much unfairer for it.

And you appearing to be content with suggesting money can buy you out of abiding by the rules would suggest you appear to be happy with this elitist kind of privilege.

Especially if you feel that sticking to a simple school uniform is a way of keeping the masses under control (for crying out loud). Why don't you move?

I don't need to. My DC goes to a school which supports our community, as part of their ethos. My DC also is not particularly rebellious, if anything they are concerned with not standing out and drawing attention to themselves too much.

ponderingprobably rather than go off-thread and go through all my life experiences, I refer you to my reply to Evelynismyspyname.

Just trying to get some context in order to understand what reasoning has contributed to the viewpoint you have expressed. By way of consideration.

Evelynismyspyname

You are being incredibly flippant.

I am being incredibly serious. You are proving my point. We have choices and choices within our realm of priorities. At some point we have to look at our resources and our choices and settle. Not everything is what we want, or as we demand. If you choose to send your child to school with a uniform policy (by way of your choices given the other priorities in your life), then stop undermining, stop ruining, stop disrespecting, and just abide by the rules of that school. It's very, very simple.

ponderingprobably

As mentioned before, moving costs money. Also why should people have to move away from their families and communities,

Spend the money on getting your child into a school that does what you want so desperately then. Why should people have to move away? To get your child into the school whose policies you agree with. If you don't want to move away, be happy that the state provides an education for your child, and abide by the values and the policies of that school.

instead of tacking unfair school rules within their community?

Unfair to you. Not unfair to other parents. Not unfair to others in society. Your view. Why should your view change the policy of the school?

What about the parents who want a uniform policy?

Why not move?

Where do you suggest FlowerPot1234? At the risk of being reported for a TAAT, a poster recently told how a new head in her son's school had banned 'long' hair for boys. He has longish hair that he ties back. Like many girls, then. Like me, an adult woman.

She's lying low but anticipates trouble. Her son's presence predates the head and he is a good student. Should he cut his hair? For all we know, the head is the kind of careerist who wants to make a big splash and move on in a few years leaving someone else to make their trivial mark without addressing actual educational concerns.

Flower

Unfair to you. Not unfair to other parents. Not unfair to others in society. Your view. Why should your view change the policy of the school?

So you don't agree minorities should be protected? For example, has a Rastafarian male, no right to be able to practice his religion?A child with fine motor skill difficulties no right to be allowed Velcro fastening shoes, they can take on and off independently? This is not just my view. Others on this thread and in wider society will speak out against rules they perceive as unfair and discriminatory

Spend the money on getting your child into a school that does what you want so desperately then. Why should people have to move away? To get your child into the school whose policies you agree with. If you don't want to move away, be happy that the state provides an education for your child, and abide by the values and the policies of that school.

Do you not understand some people do not have the money to move? Incredible. As I said before, schools should support and serve the community they are placed amongst. This makes for good social cohesion.

(Sorry my responses in bold italics as could not undo bold)

Flower you are being deluded, if not flippant.

Less than 10% of English secondary schools don't have compulsory uniform.

I live in a country without school uniform - if I, for some strange reason, wanted my children to go to a school with a compulsory uniform I'd have to stump up tens of thousands of pounds per child per year for international school or make an international move. It's equally unrealistic to present moving to the catchment area of a non uniform school as a real "choice" for most families in England.

It's an illusion of choice, but in fact real choice is available only to the privileged 10% of the population who have the employability and financial resources to make a big geographical move on one principle. As many of that elite minority will also have other principles (for example a sense of duty to their existing social network) the simple choice you proport to believe exists is going to be an utter fiction for most people.

Generally parents sending a child to a uniformed school have not made a genuine, free choice to use a school with a strict uniform code. They have, at best, chosen between two schools both of which have similar policies.

In the OP's case it was a fairly ambiguous policy she fell foulof anyway.

Of course there is choice. You can:
a) go private
b) move to a catchment area where there are non-uniform schools if it is that important to you and your child

Meanwhile, in the real world....

I am happy that the state provides an education for my children. I am unhappy that I have to buy special clothes in order for them to access it and that that access can be denied even then because of a haircut.

As I said before could this rectify the situation,

https://www.amazon.co.uk/WIG-QUALITY-synthetic-youthful-GFW994-6/dp/B0073J9NHW/ref=sr113ssit?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1505549460&sr=1-3&keywords=men%27s+wigs

Save isolation until hair grows. Or would this too be seen as too 'subversive'.

Also you don't get a choice over where your kids go to school. The government (magnanimously) allows you to express preferences in the application process. It's quite different.

But it is very effective for throwing around a rhetoric of choice where you can just say, 'you made your choice; so you just have to put up with it'. That's an excellent way of shutting down any actual debate. And, as so many responses to these sort of threads on MN show, lots of people are super keen not to allow anyone to question rules however bloody stupid and arbitrary they are.

ponderingprobably You have the right to complain. You have the right to "speak out against rules they perceive as unfair and discriminatory". With that right comes a responsibility. That responsibility is the effect such undermining in some parents' cases has on their child: isolation, being sent home from school, being viewed as a troublemaker by teachers, the school feeling their parent are not upholding their end of the contract with the school in the very same community you care about. Meanwhile, others have a right to speak out against those coming along to a school with rules that they believe work perfectly well, who demand they change for their children, and whose rules others believe are for the good of the community and protect children also.

Of course I understand people don't have money to move. So if there is absolutely no way on earth a parent can move to put their child into the school without a uniform policy that is so desperately important to them, then they need to live with the school that is available to them, have some respect, and abide by the rules.

Flower: I suggest you read Nickolas Rose's Powers of Freedom. He very nicely demonstrates how we are governed by this concept of 'freedom' and the 'responsibility' that comes with it.

With that right comes a responsibility. That responsibility is the effect such undermining in some parents' cases has on their child: isolation, being sent home from school, being viewed as a troublemaker by teachers, the school feeling their parent are not upholding their end of the contract with the school in the very same community you care about.

Schools also have a responsibility to make the rules clear and fair and non discriminatory. Which they do not consistently. In the OP's case the rule was unclear and was reliant on a great deal of interpretation. Schools also have a responsibility to uphold their end of the contract.