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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know what DS is doing all day at school?

56 replies

Mittensandmuffins · 15/09/2017 10:17

DS started reception two weeks ago at a fairly large state primary school. Prior to this he was at a private nursery in a very small pre-school class of ten children - this is relevant to what I'm about to ask.

Since he started school I feel like I am just dropping off and picking him up each day without having a clue what he's doing there all day. Asking him is not an option as when I do he just answers 'nothing' Grin

Maybe we've been spoilt at his nursery by the staff knowing and recalling every single detail of his life, and what he had been doing whilst at nursery, letting us know what targets we could work on at home, etc but I just feel so in the dark about everything at school.

I know that I am probably being unreasonable, given that it's a state school and has high class numbers but up until now I have always been pro-active in DS' learning so this feels a bit rubbish.

OP posts:
streetface · 15/09/2017 10:21

I totally understand where you are coming from but unfortunately you are BU I'm afraid. That is the way school is but you'll soon get used to it.

Having said that, there should be parents evenings, open days and 'meet the teacher' sessions that fill in the gaps for you.

It's normal to feel the way you do though first time round, most parents do as it is such a change.

TheDizzyRascal · 15/09/2017 10:21

I'd say it's pretty normal though, it's just not how it works at school I guess. My son is in Year 3 now and I still get very little info out of him! Our school send the odd email about a certain topic they're working on, or an activity that's coming up, but no more than that really. x

2014newme · 15/09/2017 10:22

Yes the transition from nursery can be quite cultural shock for pre taking used to lots of detail about their child's day. However once they are settled you will get details of curriculum for term, school newsletters, probably a parent info session on phonics, and parents evening.

AmyGardner · 15/09/2017 10:22

It's how it goes, really. It does take getting used to though.

I find it easier to chat over dinner and ask closed questions like:

What was the best part of your day?
The worst?
The hardest thing you did?
Most interesting thing you learned?

And so on.

Imaginosity · 15/09/2017 10:22

You could ask the teacher for a quick overview of what they do?

Our school organises group parent- teacher meetings in the second week of each term. The teacher runs through what they'll be learning that year and we can have a quick look at the reward charts in the class and see where our child is sitting. It takes about 40 minutes and is done until they are aged about 7.

Soubriquet · 15/09/2017 10:23

Yeah I get what you're feeling here

"What have you done today?"
"I don't know...nothing"

I swear all kids get a manual on their first day at school.

But unfortunately, you will have to deal with it. Long as he is happy, i wouldn't worry about him and therefore no need to know every detail

Imaginosity · 15/09/2017 10:24

Also,I sometimes get my children to tell me 3 things that happened that day with the promise I will nor ask them anymore questions after that.

Ironess · 15/09/2017 10:25

Our school are introducing an app called tapestry. They will send pictures of my child specifically and what they've done during the day. Maybe worth asking if the school will be doing something similar?

DiscoDiva70 · 15/09/2017 10:25

Don't worry, as time goes on you'll soon get to know what kind of activities/work your ds is doing as there's regular parents evenings. You'll also be involved in making a gazillion things out of cardboard boxes etc, which you will have to do with about two days notice

Knackeredotcom · 15/09/2017 10:26

Hi, I've got a son like this! He's now in y2 and apparently he's done "nothing" at school since reception! Drives me crazy- he's just not interested in discussing the day apart from the odd random gem of info which I cherish Grin
I've now taken to trading information- I tell him 3 things about my day and he tells me 3 things too- that's worked quite well (have also bribed him with sweets after school 😂😂)
I've got friends whose children are right little chatter boxes about their day and they struggle to get a word in!
Hopefully as your son settles into school he might enjoy talking about it a more; but you're right- it's very weird going from knowing everything they do to having a 7 hours period where you haven't got a clue x

Trb17 · 15/09/2017 10:26

It is normal with school I'm afraid and you will get used to it.

My best tip is to ask about their day just as you are tucking them into bed. Amazingly they suddenly remember loads and want to chat for 20 mins to delay bedtime Grin

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 15/09/2017 10:28

Our school have Tapestry and it's excellent. It is expensive but the sort of extra the PTA could fund.

Parental feedback has been universally positive which is a first!

There's also an open door policy so you can go in and ask but seeing your child having lunch or making a tower or playing with their friends is so much better.

MrsJayy · 15/09/2017 10:29

Totally normal ask him questions like did you colour today or did you play outside etc etc you might get better answers than nothing

Chilver · 15/09/2017 10:30

i also struggled with this at first. Things that helped were:

  1. Volunteering to be a parent reader in the classroom (if possible; I work PT so could offer one day). This was great as I got to see what was actually going on in the classroom and got to know a lot of the kids in the class.
  2. Instead of asking 'how was your day' or 'what happened today?', I asked specific questions like 'what was your favourite activity today?' and 'who did you play with today' and 'what did you do before lunchtime?' - I get a lot more information out this way!!
Good luck!
Parker231 · 15/09/2017 10:31

Parents evening?

DeathMetalMum · 15/09/2017 10:32

Our school does 'meet the teacher' days a few weeks after the children have gone back, to talk through the curriculum for the year and to suggest certain areas which we can support the children with at home. Last year for dd who was in year 1 most of the emphasis was on reading. Though the teacher had set out individual targets/areas to work on, for all the children by the time the meeting was held.

We sometimes talk about about our days on the walk home but sometimes it's at dinner time. I sometimes as them thing's like

Did anything funny happen today?

Did you do any jobs?
Did you play with or see 'x'?

Sometimes helps to get some information but not always. Some day I hear nothing abiut their day, other days I have to make dd's tell me one thing at a time as they have so many stories to tell.

Sandsunsea · 15/09/2017 10:33

Try questioning him differently.
Who did you play with today at break?
What did you eat for lunch?
Did you enjoy today?
Did you do any reading today?
Did your teacher read you a story? Which story? Etc etc.

tinypop4 · 15/09/2017 10:33

Dd is also in reception. I find closed questions best:
Do you remember the names of anyone you played with today?
Did you do colouring?
Which toy did you like best?
Did your teacher sing a song or read a story?
Did you see anyone from nursery class?
Did you play outside?

Original poster
Mittensandmuffins · 15/09/2017 10:34

Glad to know this is normal Smile Can anyone tell me would this still be the case at a small, private school? Is it the size of school that hinders the feedback given to parents?

OP posts:
tinypop4 · 15/09/2017 10:38

I work in a private school although dd goes to state. The reception class is tiny but the teacher doesn't give the parents a breakdown of their day when they leave, she just sees them out to their parents just like dds school! But I can't talk for private in general

guilty100 · 15/09/2017 10:39

Surely rather than expecting staff to tell you what he did, you need to open channels so that you can have longer and more indepth conversations with him about this? Maybe the fact that the nursery were so good at telling you every detail is the reason that he's not particularly able to communicate with you about this now? Get into the habit of talking to him at greater length about it, and he'll soon get into it as a routine. Ask him more directed questions than "What did you do today?" - if you were asked that, your mind might go a bit blank for a second! Get him to describe the rooms, the colours - this is all good for communications skills and vocab.

Serialweightwatcher · 15/09/2017 10:45

I hated that too (and still do to an extent) ... you feel pushed out suddenly of a huge chunk of your child's life ... I still get the 'nothing' answer at 14 years Hmm

TeenTimesTwo · 15/09/2017 10:46

What you could do, in a week or so, is ask the teacher what the 'normal' day looks like, so you can ask more leading questions.
e.g. 'what sounds did you do today on the carpet', or 'what was the story after lunch about?'

My DD2 is now in Year 8. I still need to ask leading questions to find anything out!

DressedCrab · 15/09/2017 10:47

The older children get the less feedback teachers will give. They don't have time, whatever school they work in.

You'll have to persuade your child to communicate with you. DS1 always gave me a detailed run down of his day, whether I wanted it or not and DS2 always told me what he'd had for dinner and considered anything else none of my business. I liked DS2's method better.

If there's something you need to know the teacher will tell you.

DeepfriedPizza · 15/09/2017 10:47

We mostly get "nothing" from DD (7)

Yesterday we got the usual response then found out via the School's fb page that her class won a competition and will be in the local paper tomorrow.

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