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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep our finances separate

73 replies

user1498912461 · 15/09/2017 08:48

DH and I have separate finances. I work part time and he works full time in a reasonably well paid job. After meeting my mum for coffee yesterday she was horrified to discover we didn't share a bank account. She thought DH could easily run away and drain his account ha ha. DH pays more towards bills and I get to have my financial independence. Just curious about what other couples do?

OP posts:
dramallamakarma · 15/09/2017 08:52

Our finances are separate, DH earns more & gives me X amount each week. He also pays for most meals out & supermarket shopping.

We have a joint savings account we both pay the same into, this is used for DCs birthday/Christmas presents & holidays.

He spends money on stupid boy stuff & I buy shoes without feeling guilty... works well for us but a lot of people are surprised.

Parker231 · 15/09/2017 08:55

So long as you have access to joint savings and equal amount of personal money each money without inequality due to your level of salary, I can't see a problem.

Purplemeddler · 15/09/2017 09:00

I've been married nearly 20 years and we have separate finances. We have a joint account and pay enough in to cover bills, proportionate with our earnings. Otherwise our money is our own to do what we want with.

TeenTimesTwo · 15/09/2017 09:02

Pre-children we had joint account for household stuff that we paid into proportionately according to our income.
Post-children we haven't changed accounts but money flows around in all sorts of directions.

19lottie82 · 15/09/2017 09:05

Our finances are separate. My DH spends loads of his money on what I would consider total junk, I would have palpitations going through the transactions online and we would have endless fights, so he just transfers me 1/2 the money for the bills every month and we are both happy with that.
No couple needs to have a joint account just because they live together or are married.

peachgreen · 15/09/2017 09:06

Everything goes into a joint account. We have a strict budget. What's left over from household expenses and savings gets split between us (about £150 a month each) and this covers coffees, lunches, clothes, extra special toiletries, make up, hobbies etc. He manages the bills and I manage the household and grocery budget.

Works perfectly for us as everything is a joint responsibility but we can also spend our 'fun' money on whatever we want without guilt (so DH doesn't judge me for my £30 mascara and I don't balk at him spending £50 on a video game!). This will be the same when I'm on mat leave, though I'll also have the child benefit to spend on things / activities for the baby.

This probably only works so well because DH and I have similar attitudes to money - we're both quite cautious and like to have a big savings cushion, but we both also like nice things and would buy one quality item over 6 cheap ones.

acquiescence · 15/09/2017 09:06

How much disposable income do you both have after bills? Do you have children?
If you have equal cash to spend then fair enough. If not then maybe rethink.

peachgreen · 15/09/2017 09:07

Oh and DH earns more now but I used to and tbh we never saw it as our 'individual' money at any point, since we've lived together we've always pooled money.

Bambamber · 15/09/2017 09:09

My husband and I don't share finances. He gets paid more so pays more bills etc. But once bills are paid, we both have money left to do as we please. When buying stuff for DC or the house sometimes he will pay, sometimes I will. He probaby has more 'spare' money than me, but I know if I ever needed/wanted something within reason he would happily cash up. We've never felt the need to put all money in one pot, we evenue have separate savings. But we both know if either of us needed access to the others money it wouldnt be a problem

Fairylea · 15/09/2017 09:10

If you both have equal spending money after all bills and family outings are paid for etc then it's fair. Otherwise it's not.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 15/09/2017 09:11

As soon as DH and I moved in together we joined our finances. I couldn't imagine not doing that; I find it strange when I come across couples that keep things separate.

Everything goes into our joint account and rent, bills etc. gets paid from it. We don't have "spending money"; if we see something we want we buy it, though if it's over £50 we'd check with each other to make sure we could afford it.

Cornishmumofone · 15/09/2017 09:12

I've been with DH for 19 years. We have a joint account for bills, but have always had our own separate accounts. We had a baby last year and I now see the disadvantages. Unpaid maternity leave is not much fun if you can't afford to do anything.

TiredMumToTwo · 15/09/2017 09:13

We had everything joint until my DH mismanaged our company & screwed up our finances. Now everything is separate & will be forever more, I'm not letting my guard down on that one again! Although to be fair, we both earn the same amount so financially there's less inequality.

SonicBoomBoom · 15/09/2017 09:16

We take our joint income as a whole, deduct the amount needed for all bills, and then split the rest, our "fun money", into our own separate accounts and spend that freely.

Original poster
user1498912461 · 15/09/2017 09:21

Thanks all! It's interesting to see how others manage their finances. Most married couples I know have a joint account but keeping it separate works for us. DH is heavily into his overdraft a he pays off large loans from before we met whereas I'm in credit and careful about going overdrawn.

OP posts:
Prusik · 15/09/2017 09:37

We're pretty fluid with finances. Bills come out of my account as I had the house first. I just pay as much as I can and we transfer what I need from dh's account.

It doesn't sound fair but we're pretty careful with money anyway. I think if dh were to spend loads on himself then our way would be an awful way of doing things.

We don't have much so it's not like dh has stacks of cash saved up. We don't really view it as his and hers money. It's all just money

Carley27 · 15/09/2017 09:37

I think whatever works for you is the best option!

We've shared all finances since we bought our first home and got engaged - we were early twenties and in similar financial positions (no debts, similar savings and earnings). I think it works for us as we have similar spending habits so neither of us get annoyed with the others spending.

JE17 · 15/09/2017 09:56

Since we bought our first house together 17 years ago we've only ever had a joint account. We were both just starting out in our first jobs and neither of us was already wealthy. It works fine, probably because we both started with nothing and have similar attitudes to money. DH ended up being a SAHD (just gone back to work this week). Regardless of who's earning it, it's all "our" money.

DarceyBusselsNose · 15/09/2017 09:58

So long as you don't mind being kept if you ever have to give up work - oh wait! thats when his money becomes family money !

Whinesalot · 15/09/2017 10:00

We share an account but then we both have the same(ish) attitude to money. Anything unusual over £50ish we discuss before we buy.

Whinesalot · 15/09/2017 10:05

Dh does the finances and every so often he mentions we might have to be a bit careful for a few months. So we both make an effort not to spend so much. Otherwise we know roughly how far we can go.
But then we are lucky and have some leeway. I should imagine it is harder if you are working to a budget and one is spendier than the other.

Amaretti40 · 15/09/2017 10:11

I am always surprised to hear about married couples with separate finances, to be absolutely honest. I would feel like flat mates in that scenario and I would not want to be with a man who insisted on "his own" money. No way! I wonder how it could possibly make sense once you bring children in the world - how would you keep track? But each to their own.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/09/2017 10:12

Me and DH have a joint account where both our salaries are paid into. DH's take home pay is about £500 more than my take home pay.

From our joint account we each have £400 transferred into our personal accounts for us to spend as we wish.

Every single bill, expenditure, and all the money we put towards savings comes out of our joint account.

aweewhilelonger · 15/09/2017 10:22

What Whinesalot said.

We kept things separate to begin with, but quickly saw how much easier things could be managed if we combined forces. So it's all family money now. DH works (I'm a SAHM) and brings in the bacon, but I brought a big pot of savings / early inheritance with me which enabled us to buy our first flat outright. So we've both contributed to the pot.

Where couples have kept things separate because of different spending styles / attitudes, how do you plan for the future and pensions etc? If one of you is constantly in overdraft etc, and the other is frugal / a saver, how to you plan to have similar lifestyles as each other once you are no longer working? DH and I tend to see these things as a joint project - where do we want to be, what lifestyle do we want together when we retire? How does that work when one person has loads of savings and the other only has debt?

Biker47 · 15/09/2017 10:23

Joint account here only for bills, food and mortgage. I earn about double what my partner does. Both busy paying off our own debts. Works for us.