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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep our finances separate

73 replies

user1498912461 · 15/09/2017 08:48

DH and I have separate finances. I work part time and he works full time in a reasonably well paid job. After meeting my mum for coffee yesterday she was horrified to discover we didn't share a bank account. She thought DH could easily run away and drain his account ha ha. DH pays more towards bills and I get to have my financial independence. Just curious about what other couples do?

OP posts:

thecolonelbumminganugget · 15/09/2017 10:58

We have a joint current account for all household direct debits that we pay into equally plus 10% each month and the extra pays for things like Christmas food and the odd little treat e.g. tickets to a dinner that we're going to this weekend.

Everything else we either take it in turns to pay for or split it down the middle. Any money left over at the end of the month we sweep into a joint savings account. I earn twice as much as DH so I put more in savings. This works for us as generally we both spend about the same on ourselves in a month so the excess works it's way to the savings pot in proportion to income and we both feel financially independent.

I think we'd both feel guilty if our hobby money came out of a joint account even though the effect is the same.

FfionFlorist · 15/09/2017 11:02

Just exactly as Whinealot says.

I earn 10x what DH earns and he does most of the family buying, pays bills, online shopping etc, so there is no way I would be comfoartable transferring housekeeping to him so he could buy things for us all.

With the imbalance in our salaries we would lead entirely separate lives if we didn't combine our income - he wouldn't be able to do most of the things I would be able to do. The alternative would me paying for him ...no way.

mydogisthebest · 15/09/2017 11:04

When we got married we both closed our bank accounts and opened a joint one. We have only ever had a joint account in over 30 years.

It works for us as any money coming into the house is OUR money. Over the years we have both been the higher earner at different times. I now don't work because of health issues but am not entitled to any benefits so bring no money into the house at all. What would people with separate accounts do in that situation?

If separate accounts work for a couple then fine but personally I could not be doing with the faffing around of working out who pays for what

AprilShowers16 · 15/09/2017 11:17

We have a joint account where all money goes, it's all our money and at various points one of us has earnt more, been a student, been unemployed, had debts, gained inheritance etc and we've dealt with it all jointly.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 15/09/2017 11:28

Our finances are completely joined. All our income has always gone into our joint account despite currently earning very different amounts (think 8:1 ratio). We have a joint credit card account (no individual accounts) and both names are on the house deeds.

I know everyone operates differently but I genuinely don't understand any benefit of separate finances when married - it just sounds more complicated to manage and adds the risk of financial abuse if the lower paid partner has to ask for spending money etc.

existentialmoment · 15/09/2017 11:52

The only couples I know with separate finances do not have equal financial relationships, usually the woman ends up with far less money than the man. That said, I am sure there there are plenty of couples where separate finances work very well.
If you are happy with it then it isn't anyone elses business. I'd hate it but that makes no difference to anyone else.

TonicAndTonic · 15/09/2017 12:23

My parents had separate finances all their lives, worked fine for them. DP and I currently have separate (but actually surprisingly equal) finances at the moment. We just each have responsibility for different monthly bills totalling about half our total outgoings, and deal with one-off expenses as they come up.
I can see when DC come along that we might go for a joint account for bills, especially when I am on mat leave, but I would imagine we will still have our own accounts and savings. We're not married though, so to me it makes more sense for us each to have some finances of our own.
I think financial transparency is ultimately more important than actually pooling everything, the real problems come when one partner either goes into debt and conceals it, or starts squirreling away loads of secret savings.

LenaLoveWitch · 15/09/2017 17:45

DP earns less than me but when he moved in he rented out his property so we are now in about the same income territory. He pays me £600 for rent, cleaner, council tax, food, utilities. I take care of all the household bills. He also picks up small grocery items as required. When we go out with or without my DD we usually split the bill 50/50. I could manage without his contribution but we agreed that no one who works should live without contributing to the household. It works well

SparkyTheCat · 15/09/2017 17:53

Separate accounts, with an admittedly Byzantine system of receipts totted up and reconciled each month. But it works for us.

Unicorn81 · 15/09/2017 17:59

I pay all the bills and keep it seperate. He gives me some towards sky but thats all, the rest of his money is his, he cannot work due to long term illness. I make enpugh to have a bit left over for myself so its fine.

I could not share a bank account with anyone but this stems from trust issues, my mum used to steal thousands from dad and get into debt which he would have to pay off.

Thirtyrock39 · 15/09/2017 18:02

We used to share it all but became a huge source of tension. Now all bills, kids activities , food etc come out of joint account then we each have a lump sum in own accounts for spending. It's sooo much better - it dh wants to go to football or I get my hair done (hideous stereotypes I know) it's up to us also means we have started buying presents for each other which before seemed pointless as it was coming out of shared money

InfiniteSheldon · 15/09/2017 18:06

We do a mix, live in my mortgage free house use the rental income from his to pay bills keep our own earnings for play money. Sometimes I pay off bits of his credit cards as he's not very savvy but he does loads of work on our houses so we don't really keep a check as long as joint account is healthy and we both have some spends. I wouldn't budge anyone you have to do what works/evolves for you. He's certainly not my "flatmate' what a bizarre comment

JoJoSM2 · 15/09/2017 18:11

We had a shared account even before we got married. We manage the money better together and are much better of because of having joint finances.

Kmetsch3 · 15/09/2017 18:16

We got together when when we were in our early 20s.
We have always combined our income in shared accounts. We pay the essentials and then decide together what to spend the fun money on.
Neither of us mind if one of us goes out or buys something up to about £50

We have had times when one earns more than the other and this pattern will no doubt continue.

FuzzyCustard · 15/09/2017 18:36

DH and I have completely separate finances apart from one saving account which pays for house repairs. We split the cost of bills equally and it has worked extremely well for us for donkey's years! Who cares what your mum thinks if it works for you?

CatsMother66 · 15/09/2017 19:17

We got together late in life and didn't want a joint account. Separate works well for us. Last year we added each other to our separate accounts in name only, no cards, just in case something happens to one of us which makes access to our account easy instead of waiting for wills/probate.

AccrualIntentions · 15/09/2017 19:19

Separate accounts after nearly 10 years of marriage, we just never got around to setting a joint one up. We both contribute roughly half of bills, mortgage etc. and can do as we wish with our disposable income. Works out just fine for us.

Betsyboo87 · 15/09/2017 19:32

I know that within my parents generation (Late 50's plus) most couples pool their finances. I think this isn't so much the case with "younger" couples - nowadays most couples live together before getting married and it makes sense to keep things separate so it's clear cut if the relationship breaks down. This then continues into marriage.

We kept things separate before getting married, although we did both contribute the same amount to a joint account each month. Things have become more mixed over the years and certainly since we've been married as everything is now viewed as "joint" anyway. We tend now to make decisions based on financial sense - e.g. paying off a mortgage on a property in my name with his bonus as it has a higher interest rate than one in his name.

Do what works for you. Just be careful about your DH getting into debt - I believe as you are married you would both be responsible for this if he failed to repay.

Betsyboo87 · 15/09/2017 19:37

Sorry I think I was wrong about both parties being liable if your DH didn't meet his repayments. However you will be "financially linked" if you live together so his credit history will have an effect on yours.

Liliannna1 · 15/09/2017 19:42

DH transfers me all his wages on each payday and I give him an allowance of £20 each morning for travelcard to work/after Work beer/coffee. I also have my own monthly income too but this works best for us else he wastes money on crap

FuzzyCustard · 15/09/2017 19:44

betsyboo I am of your parents' generation and (see above) we have separate finances. I can't think I'm the only one! Please don't make assumptions based on age alone.

Chrisinthemorning · 15/09/2017 19:48

I am self employed so need to run a separate account to be paid into and to pay work expenses out of.
We both have a personal current account also and various personal savings accounts and ISAs etc. We have a joint account which we both pay into and mortgage and bills come out of it.
For big things one of us will pay for something and the other for something else.
We have the same attitude to money (Yorkshire ) and never argue over money. It works fine for us and has for 14 years now. I do like the fact that I am financially independent. DH earn some more than me now because I work part time but I earned more than him when I was full time.

Betsyboo87 · 15/09/2017 19:51

FuzzyCustard most not all.....

Justdontknow4321 · 15/09/2017 19:52

Separate here too.

I work part time (as we have 2 children) and he work a full time.

We get paid into our own accounts, both transfer set amounts into joint (his a lot more then mine) which cover all bills+food.

Money in our own accounts that's left is for us to do as we please! And we pay our own car insurance and mobile bills out of our own accounts.

wizzler · 15/09/2017 19:54

DH and I have separate accounts. He is a SAHD. We have the same credit card , which I pay, and I pay most of the bills. DH pays the bills where the company won't deal with you unless you are the bill payer ( BT, British Gas etc) as he is the one most likely to be calling them. I transfer him some money every month to cover these costs, and his other outgoings.
I dont mind paying for anything, but I could not bear not to know what my bank balance was... This way my spreadsheet reconciles !

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