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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or was this woman just being friendly?

59 replies

JohnVenn · 14/09/2017 20:58

I've just gone on maternity leave so am now able to pick my ds up from school each day , it's great to get to meet his teacher before parents' evening for a change , and am loving spending extra time with him. However I'm slightly annoyed at one of the othe mums from the playground.

I was walking towards the gate yesterday and a woman aproached me and asked if I was ds's mum , I said yes. She introduced herself as "Alice's" mum , I smiled and said it was nice to meet her then walked to my corner of the playground to wait for dd.

She then came to my corner and asked if it was true that ds's grandpa had passed away. I was rather taken aback and said no (her great grandpa had but I didn't see that as any of her business) she then apologised and walked away.

My question is was I correct to be annoyed and feel like this was an intrusive question from a busy-body or am I just pissed off because I'm hugely pregnant and in constant discomfort/out of practice with playground etiquette?

OP posts:
Original poster
JohnVenn · 14/09/2017 21:00

*ds.
*his great grandpa.

OP posts:
Piratesandpants · 14/09/2017 21:02

'My corner of the playground' YABU
Well you didn't really give her a chance did you! Who knows why she was asking? Her child might have mentioned it in relation to something your child said etc etc

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 14/09/2017 21:03

Maybe she was trying to be friendly and wanted to offer her condolences as a way in to making friends... Clumsy yes but not malicious.

annielouise · 14/09/2017 21:04

I think she was just trying to make conversation and she was probably trying to give you her condolences. I think she might have been trying to be nice.

Original poster
JohnVenn · 14/09/2017 21:05

You might be right Piratesandpants , I have been known to be an antisocial cow , I just felt this was rather personal to open with when she'd most likely only seen me twice.

I'll try to smile more!

OP posts:
turquoise88 · 14/09/2017 21:05

I would say that your ds had likely mentioned it to his friend and his friend had passed it on to said Mum.

Okay, it's probably not the best conversation starter on the world, but it sounds like she was only trying to be friendly.

You're over the top to call her 'intrusive' or a 'busy body.'

VanillaSugar · 14/09/2017 21:06

Good luck.

TizzyDongue · 14/09/2017 21:07

YABU.

I've no idea why anyone would think this a intrusive question. I'd say she asked because she'd heard via your ds about his great grand father. Information was vaugue and she wanted to check and offer sympathy.

Kokapetl · 14/09/2017 21:09

I think she was just being friendly. She might have wanted to offer condolences or it might even be that her child had just lost a grandparent and she was hoping for some advice on how to deal with it.

RedSkyAtNight · 14/09/2017 21:09

I also think she was trying to be friendly and probably be sympathetic.
Also presumably she'd heard about great-grandad passing away via her child and perhaps thought it might be rude NOT to mention it.

Original poster
JohnVenn · 14/09/2017 21:10

The reason I say intrusive is because if his grandpa had indeed passed away she could've been asking me about the death of my father , which I'd imagine I'd have no desire to discuss with a person I do not know in the playground.

As a pp has said , perhaps it was just clumsy but an attempt at friendliness.

OP posts:
MadMags · 14/09/2017 21:11

Ds obviously told her dd. Is it really that big a deal?

And unless you've rented a space, you don't really have a corner of the playground!

Original poster
JohnVenn · 14/09/2017 21:13

I might look into renting a space until this one is born...Smile

OP posts:
Ttbb · 14/09/2017 21:15

Yes, that seems like an extremely clumsy attempt at friendliness. It's a good thing it wasn't your father that had died-can you inagine? If I had been in your position and it was indeed my DS's grandfather who had died I would have probably burst into tears then and there. Sorry for your loss by the way.

MammaTJ · 14/09/2017 21:16

Your DS has told her DD that his Granddad has passed away, she asked to confirm this, as sometimes DC lie about all sorts of things, now you have denied it, she is going to have him down as a liar!

Well done!

WillowWeeping · 14/09/2017 21:16

If it has been your father who had died might it have been nice to have someone offer condolences? Confused

BackieJerkhart · 14/09/2017 21:19

Wow!! You might as well hold up a sign saying "warning: do not approach. Will bite."

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2017 21:19

I'm really beginning to despair at the amount of threads where people are considered rude, for saying completely normal things.

I'm surprised anyone dares to speak to another person.

sonjadog · 14/09/2017 21:20

She was just being friendly. You overreacted. But it isn´t a big deal, so if you feel more like chatting to her later, make an effort to smile and go over to her.

Original poster
JohnVenn · 14/09/2017 21:21

I guess my viewpoint comes firm the fact that I would only ever ask a friend about the death of a family member , i'd not do this with a stranger.

I guess we're all different.

Thank you Ttbb , thankfully he lived a long full life.

OP posts:
Princesspinkgirl · 14/09/2017 21:22

Sounds like she was just being friendly op Hmm

Original poster
JohnVenn · 14/09/2017 21:24

Backie - not a bad idea. Like I said , until ds2 arrives I will look into that rental and also a signGrin

OP posts:
DottyBlue2 · 14/09/2017 21:25

Can we have a diagram please johnvenn? Maybe a few circles showing where you were standing and which part of the playground was yours GrinGrinGrin

BackieJerkhart · 14/09/2017 21:26

Did it occur to you that this woman may have known or thought she knew your grandfather and wanted to offer her condolences? Perhaps she was confirming the link before offering condolences to the wrong person!

Lindy2 · 14/09/2017 21:26

It sounds like she was just trying to be nice. Unfortunately, it sounds like you weren't particularly nice in return. I don't think she'll bother again.