AIBU or was this woman just being friendly?

[JohnVenn]

I've just gone on maternity leave so am now able to pick my ds up from school each day , it's great to get to meet his teacher before parents' evening for a change , and am loving spending extra time with him. However I'm slightly annoyed at one of the othe mums from the playground.

I was walking towards the gate yesterday and a woman aproached me and asked if I was ds's mum , I said yes. She introduced herself as "Alice's" mum , I smiled and said it was nice to meet her then walked to my corner of the playground to wait for dd.

She then came to my corner and asked if it was true that ds's grandpa had passed away. I was rather taken aback and said no (her great grandpa had but I didn't see that as any of her business) she then apologised and walked away.

My question is was I correct to be annoyed and feel like this was an intrusive question from a busy-body or am I just pissed off because I'm hugely pregnant and in constant discomfort/out of practice with playground etiquette?

Dotty , we clearly met at the intersection of A and B.

I think yabu. Perhaps DS had confided in Alice about being upset his 'grandpa' had died. And the other mum wanted to discuss this with you?

Could also be that her DD has had a similar loss recently and she could have been trying to discuss ways of helping DD to cope etc.
My DS lost his Grandma recently and it really has been difficult knowing what to do/say to him.

Her approach probably was a bit gauche to say the least. However, I think she meant well and had probably heard about this from her own DS and was trying to offer her condolences.

You'll never know where she was going with that, as you totally shut her down rather than correcting her. Looks like you won't have to worry about anyone invading your corner again, though.

YABU

She had obviously heard about the death in your family and wanted to offer condolences (ok so she was a generation out...)

She was being kind.

Don't worry though I doubt she'll speak to you again.

Asking if someone is dead isn't an intrusive question she was trying to be nice, I doubt she'll try again though so no need to worry.

The amount of easily offended people in this world amazes me

Thanks all for your responses , it's (almost) unanimous. IABU

Dunno. Maybe I'm anti social too but I think it's a weird way to open a conversation with a complete stranger. 'Hello, nice to meet you, please tell me about your dead relatives.' I can't imagine introducing myself and immediately asking something that will obviously be a painful subject. And if you didn't want to discuss a recent family bereavement with a stranger that's more than reasonable.

Maybe she has also recently suffered a bereavement and wanted to offer commiserations . Or to ask how your child was coping. You did not give her a chance though, shame as she may be really nice and just wanting to make friends.

And actually I think saying no when clearly there had been a death of a grandparent albeit great grandparent is really weird

I kind of agree with the OP. If I was approaching someone for the very first time, a death in the family wouldn't be my idea of an opening conversational gambit. It's pretty personal, especially when it could have been the OP's father. However, I appear to be in the minority!

Children come home and say things, sometimes you're not sure if it's true or has been fabricated or embellished or misunderstood along the way. It sounds like this mother's child has gone home and told her all about your child's grandpa dying. Which would be your dad or father in law. I would imagine this woman was intending to offer her condolences but wanted to check her facts first. And you cold shouldered her. Personally, I found most English people politely ignored the fact that my dad had died and I would have appreciated a few people bothering to put themselves out enough to acknowledge my bereavement. I expect she will probably leave you alone to lurk in 'your' corner from now on!

That is a rediculously rude and potentially painful thing for a stranger to ask about without clear context/rationale ("I'm asking to offer my condolences"/"I've recently been bereaved too so if you need a hand with something over the next few days I can help out" etc)

Can you imagine another similar thing?
"Hi, I heard you've just had a miscarriage. Did you?"
How on earth would such a personal, painful question out the mouth of a stranger ever be anything other than rude /inappropriate!

She will now think your child is a liar as you didnt explain who had died, your child probably said grandpa or it got lost in translation when her dd told her. Next time her dd tells her something about your son she will not believe it!
Would it have killed you to talk to her if your kids are friends in school? Maybe her dd said your son was sad when he told her and she wanted to sypathise?

Thanks to those in slight agreement with me as well as the others that aren't , regardless of being given a dressing down on this thread I'll probably remain an antisocial being!

I was just going to say the same as MammaTJ

Your DS has obviously miscommunicated who has passed away and now you've effectively labelled your child as a liar/fantasist.

It might be a good idea to say something to her tomorrow along the lines of "sorry about yesterday, DS has recently lost his great grandfather so that's what he probably mentioned"

Sara107 I wouldn't have broached it myself first in case I upset you. Or it felt prying. Unless you made reference to it first. Or in case I cried in front of you, then you might think it was selfish of me to make it about me. I've had a real bother in situations at e.g. work when I don't know some one very well in those situations. So I think most people would wait for your current. I'm sorry for your loss though.

Another for she was just trying to be friendly. She might have trying to imply that if you want to talk, she would be there. Bit unnerving if you don't know the woman, but I think her heart was in the right place.

The reason I say intrusive is because if his grandpa had indeed passed away she could've been asking me about the death of my father , which I'd imagine I'd have no desire to discuss with a person I do not know in the playground.

A very dear friend of mine had a young family member pass away suddenly. She had kept it together all weekend, then had to go in and tell the teachers that her children may be upset and why. She broke down in tears in front of the whole playground. Every single one of those parents and staffs members gave her nothing but hugs and love. (I'd already offered my condolences etc).

It may seem intrusive OP but it literally is just trying to find / open a conversation. It sounds like something your DS has been talking about. My DCs do not call great grandma great grandma. She is grandma. So is easily misunderstood.

Also. These children spend six hours a day with their friends. Last year. I was told about who's cat died, who's dog had died, who's grandparent had etc. I wasn't being nosy. My DCs offer up this information as they're friends are always talking about it. As it should be.

What I mean by 'as it should be' is that their friends should feel comfortable enough to tell them about it.

It certainly was a clumsy opener. Far more sensitive would have been something along the lines of "I'm Alice's mum. I'm sorry to bother you, but DD said that your DS's grandpa has passed away and I wanted to pass on my condolences".

Anyway. If all you said was 'no' then your child has been labelled a liar.

You were antisocial even before she mentioned the bereavement. No one is forcing you to be friendly but do not then criticise someone else for it! It can take a lot to approach someone in the playground so a little kindness wouldn't go amiss.