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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was an outrageous request from our landlord and to be a bit suspicious?

398 replies

pinkowl · 14/09/2017 09:24

We rent our house and have been here for 3 years, so it is very much our home.

Some background. The landlords aren't buy to lets, they inherited this house and we are the first tenants. Before letting they completely refurbished the property - new bathrooms, kitchens, windows, carpets, roof extension, the lot. They did it themselves to a high standard and it's lovely. I can imagine that they're proud of it (relevant)

We have a good relationship with them. They're not local but come down to see family sometimes and tend to use the opportunity to do any maintenance that needs doing. Recently they've been sprucing up the exterior.

Onto the outrageous request! She text me yesterday and explained that she was coming down with a girlfriend who knew the house as it was before, and would love to see what it looks like now. And could they come round today so the friend could have a look round the house.

I feel pretty disgruntled. This is our home and of course I don't want a complete stranger traipsing around looking at it out of curiosity. Surely as a landlord once a property has tenants, you leave them be unless there's a real reason. We have annual inspections with the leggings agency which is bad enough, but obviously accept as being part and parcel of renting.

I also feel a bit paranoid. It seems such an unreasonable thing to even ask that I'm concerned there could be an ulterior motive. Perhaps the friend is an estate agent who could cast an informal eye. I'd like to think that if they had plans to sell that they'd be upfront, but you never know.

They do have photos of the house as they were used in the original advert - can't they just show the friend those?! Why would the friend herself want to impose upon strangers in their home?!

I politely replied that it wasn't convenient today. But should I be concerned?

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 14/09/2017 11:09

Hmm. Can see both sides. I recently visited a place where I used to live, and found the actual flat I had lived in. I would have liked to go inside and nosey round, but didn't have the front to knock on the door and ask.

But also I can appreciate your anxiety that this might be a matter of them thinking about selling the house - and it is true that it's your home, so YANBU in feeling that it's a bit intrusive.

Gemini69 · 14/09/2017 11:12

sounds to me like she was trying to get it valued .... Flowers

Original poster
pinkowl · 14/09/2017 11:13

Surely tenants being attached to a property is a good thing. They're more likely to look after it, treat it as their own, respect the neighbours, report maintenance issues promptly and so on.

OP posts:
Rachel0Greep · 14/09/2017 11:14

They asked, you said no, which you are absolutely entitled and I understand covered by legislation, to do. If you are concerned that they may be planning to sell, best to ask rather than maybe worrying unnecessarily.
When I saw the thread title, tbh, I thought they had asked if they could stay over!

ExConstance · 14/09/2017 11:17

My mother lived in a little half timbered cottage with her family before she got married, I remember going to see my granny there when I was a child. The house ( which was rented from an estate) was sold and modernised some years ago. I took my mother back when she was in her 80's just to look around outside and we were invited in by the current residents who were really nice to us, showed us around and made us a cup of tea. They were really interested to ;hear our happy memories of the house and my mother's tales of being attached by geese on her way to the privy! Your landlords sound lovely, OP the request is only a little one and I think you might sour the relationship if you say no.

QuiteUnfitBit · 14/09/2017 11:21

I'm a LL in a similar position to yours. This isn't something I'd ever ask of my tenants and I've always had a really good relationship with them.
I'm in the same position, and would never ask that either, as it's our tenants' home. Your landlords have spruced up the outside, and want someone to see inside. This, together with the recent tax changes, suggests to me they want to sell. The trouble is, if you ask them, they might not be honest, as they will want to keep you as a tenant for as long as possible.

If you had allowed the visit (and I wouldn't have either) and were there during the visit, you would probably have recognised if the person was an estate agent.

Frankly, it's entirely different to be living in a house, to see someone outside who had previously lived in the house and who is not asking to look round.

Goldfishshoals · 14/09/2017 11:25

You were in your rights to refuse of course, but I don't see the request as outrageous.

if a total stranger wanted to have a nose around your home, and it was of no benefit to you, would you be okay with that? Honestly?

Honestly, yes. I let the previous owners of a house I was renting come in (they knocked on the door and politely asked). They talked about what was the same/had changed, thanked me profusely and left. It was less than 5 mins of my life, why not?

Also, don't panic even if the landlord is thinking of selling, they may well want to sell on as a rental with you as a model 'sitting tennant'.

mmzz · 14/09/2017 11:26

What do you mean by 'maintain my privacy'? What exactly do you have a problem with? That's just a silly question, that can only be written by someone who is doubly rare in that they put no value on their own privacy and also don't have sufficient awareness to notice that most people do.

DeleteOrDecay · 14/09/2017 11:26

Your landlords sound lovely, OP the request is only a little one and I think you might sour the relationship if you say no.

This sort of attitude is infuriating. You're essentially trying to guilt trip/gaslight the op into agreeing to something she doesn't feel comfortable with nor is she obliged to do on the basis that her landlords are nice.

Just because the op rents doesn't mean she should open her home that she is paying for on a whim to who ever fancies a look round.

plantsitter · 14/09/2017 11:27

I would do exactly as you have OP. You have no obligation at all to do it either and I think being assertive about that is actually better for your relationship with the landlord than rolling over for the sake of keeping the peace. You don't have to acquiesce to be a good tenant or a good friend!

As to any ulterior motive, you may as well stop worrying about it because if they are cagey enough to present it like this you're only going to get exactly the notice period you're entitled to, clearly. Maybe it was just an innocent request, which you've said it's inconvenient, the end.

Original poster
pinkowl · 14/09/2017 11:29

That's lovely exconstance and if I owned my own house and an elderly lady who used to live there wanted to have a look, then I'd let them too.

But this is a completely different scenario. We don't own. And this isn't somebody who used to live here. It's either somebody just being a bit nosy or it's the precursor to us being asked to leave our home.

OP posts:
mmzz · 14/09/2017 11:29

I think you need to have boundaries, wherever you choose to set them. You've set yours at not allowing access apart from inspections and maintenance, and that's fair enough.

if you hadn't drawn the line here, then you'd have been unhappy and that would've soured the relationship. Plus they would not have known how far is too far.

TBH they shouldn't have put you in the position by asking in the first place.

Original poster
pinkowl · 14/09/2017 11:31

Also, don't panic even if the landlord is thinking of selling, they may well want to sell on as a rental with you as a model 'sitting tennant'.

That's true!

OP posts:
plantsitter · 14/09/2017 11:31

I remember being in the front garden of our house with my dad once and a lady came past and said she used to live there. My dad was really pleasant and said 'oh how interesting!' and then went inside. I asked him later why he didn't ask her in to have a look and he said 'because I've done it before and it always feels really awkward and intrusive when you do that'.

So there is always more than one point of view, eh?!

ReturnofSaturn · 14/09/2017 11:33

Ffs I can't believe some of the replies on here.
Calling OP mean and implying she's being awkward. Ok there might be a few of you oddballs out there who just love random people having a nosey around your home but it's perfectly normal to not like that.

mmzz · 14/09/2017 11:36

I bought and renovated an old house. It had previously been owned by the same family for at least 100 years - they left some of their furniture from c.1910 when the seller's grandmother's dowry.

Over the next three years, at least 20 people knocked on the door and claimed that they grew up in the house (and could they just have a look around?) - none of them related to the family who sold it to me.

Original poster
pinkowl · 14/09/2017 11:37

Awkward and invasive, yes. I just can't understand it from the friend's point of view. (Assuming it's innocent)

If I had a friend who had done up a house then yes I probably would be curious as to what it had looked like afterwards. But I wouldn't dream of wanting to look around it whilst tenants were living there! What an absolute invasion of privacy.

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 14/09/2017 11:42

I don't know how I'd feel tbh. I wouldn't have been happy about it when I had small DDs at home, because it would have been a hassle to get the place presentable for the LL to show off to her friend.

It is a bit intrusive, that's true. It's best to do what you did and say it's not convenient. She agreed quite readily thankfully.

As to whether she wants to sell, you could just ask? You have a cordial relationship after all.

Original poster
pinkowl · 14/09/2017 11:45

Next time I see her face to face I'll ask. I need to see her reaction!

OP posts:
JWrecks · 14/09/2017 11:48

Do you think you're close/friendly enough that they would tell you if they needed to sell? Do you not think that they would try to hide it from you? Also, are you on close enough terms that you could just ask them if they are going to sell?

When I was LL and ended up having to sell, I told the tenants straight away - first, actually - because I felt I owed them that much for taking care of my property.

It would depend very much on my relationship with the tenants whether or not I would ask what they're requesting, though, and I never felt close enough to any of them to do that. However, I had the good luck of being able to show off all my hard work before the house was rented out or between tenants. If I hadn't, and none of my family or friends who'd spent time there before the work had seen it, I think I would be at least tempted to ask, as I did put loads of hard work into that house! In fact, when we were last in the area, DH and I drove past to see how it looks now and seriously considered calling in, even though it's now sold and perfect strangers live there. We didn't have the nerve in the end, but we did consider it!

I do think it's a bit ott to ask if a stranger can wander through your home, but I would honestly just assume that they're very proud of all the work they've done and want to show it to somebody who can see the difference. Maybe I'm too trusting, but I wouldn't worry that they were selling it out from under me.

cleanlaundry · 14/09/2017 11:53

Landlords have to give a 24 written notice of any visits if I remember - your landlord did nothing wrong in asking. You're perfectly entitled to say yes or no. Bit of a non issue really

cleanlaundry · 14/09/2017 11:53

24 hour that should say

Original poster
pinkowl · 14/09/2017 11:55

I'd like to think that we're friendly enough that they would be honest and would give us a heads up if that's what they're planning. But when you don't really know somebody you just don't know what they're likely to do!

although I don't like being called mean (and really don't think I am being in this situation) the fact that some people think it's a totally reasonable request has made me feel better. I don't think it is at all, but it's an insight into how people think and hopefully it was just an innocent ask!

OP posts:
user1495451339 · 14/09/2017 11:55

I wouldn't worry about it. You have said it's not convenient and she was fine with that.

existentialmoment · 14/09/2017 11:56

Landlords have to give a 24 written notice of any visits if I remember

I wish people would stop saying this. They can give you 24 hours notice that the Queen is coming, but they can't come in unless you want them to unless it is an actual emergency. Notice doesn't matter, written or not doesn't matter, they can't come in.