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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been induced and husband wants to go to work

55 replies

peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:24

Hi everyone.
I'm 37+5 and been induced yesterday. Hormone tampon hasn't worked so I now have a gel inserted to help get things going.

I'm happy for my DH to be at home relaxing or getting on with stuff so we can have quiet time and conserve energy for active labour. However, DH said he wants to go to work so we don't lose any wages. I think we'd manage fine unpaid for 3 days before paternity kicks in.

I feel very upset by this. Irrationally I am happy for him to be at home and to call him if anything changes but really unhappy at the thought of him going to work. I know rationally that it's unlikely labour will speed up lots and baby will come quick but I still feel it's an unknown risk.

Aibu to feel unhappy that his priority seems to be work as opposed to waiting for the induction to speed up?

OP posts:
Nomoresunshine · 13/09/2017 11:26

Maybe he is just wants to mentally tie up loose ends at work so he can concentrate on you and the baby?
Though I would be mad too!!

geekone · 13/09/2017 11:26

YABU your not in labour yet, as soon as you are he can come home.
I understand not wanting to lose money when you are about to have a baby.

Whisky2014 · 13/09/2017 11:28

Yabu

Original poster
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:28

Thank you.
You are right IABU. I just wanted someone to tell me to get a bit of a grip. It isn't necessary to have him here right now or standing by so to say.

Thank you again.

OP posts:
JohnVenn · 13/09/2017 11:29

Depends how far he's going. If he can get back to you rather quickly (if needed) then I don't see the problem.

Do you have any particular medical concerns or reasons to want him to stay with you?

Original poster
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:29

I would like him to want to be here but that's just me being a bit self centred.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 13/09/2017 11:29

All the best when the time comes :)

JohnVenn · 13/09/2017 11:30

I see you've answered. Good luck op , I hope it all goes smoothly.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 13/09/2017 11:30

Better he's at work now and can be at home to help when you really need him. Best of luck!

Original poster
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:31

I've been in hospital for 9 days now with complications- he's probably just worn down and looking for some normality.

Thank you for helping me see sense.

OP posts:
SprogletsMum · 13/09/2017 11:32

I would want my dp to be at work. He drives me bloody crackers in the hospital to the point where when I needed to go to mau for monitoring with my last dc I didn't tell him until I got back Blush Obviously I would have if there was a problem.

Chocolatecake12 · 13/09/2017 11:32

Keep us updated! Good luck

Original poster
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:34

Thing is, he would drive me mad if he was here! I feel a bit confused at how irrational I am!
I want him at home waiting but not at work? How ridiculous of me! I'm not even sure why that is.
I think I should apologise for giving him a hard time when he is only thinking logically about our finances.

OP posts:
JohnVenn · 13/09/2017 11:34

Ah , so you're going quietly insane op? I can see why you'd not want him 'escaping' while you are trapped.

Have you got enough entertainment there? Tablet , books etc?

Travis1 · 13/09/2017 11:35

I'd send my husband to work because otherwise he'd annoy the hell out of me in this situation, but you're trying to labour and you've been in hospital for nine days so you are allowed a little unreasonableness Wink

bruffin · 13/09/2017 11:35

I was induced , first pessarie 6am monday morning and dh born 10pm wednesday night ( 22 years ago today😁), dh went to work and visited me as usual until i actaully went into labour( had already been in hospital 6 weeks)
He is better going to work until you are definitely in labour.

Original poster
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:36

I am watching a series on my laptop. Not in any great pain but uncomfortable.

Can anyone hazard a guess as to why I would feel cross about him wanting to work? I think it's a very selfish i want to feel like his priority thing. I feel quite bad now.

OP posts:
Original poster
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:40

@bruffin happy 22 years since!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/09/2017 11:40

Ach it's being in hospital that long, it's dull as hell but stressful at the same time.

He's right, no reason for him to be at home rather than at work, he may as well get the wages. In addition, although I ended up with a c section ( different reasons) , i was given the gel before I went to sleep at night and next morning they came and took me to Labour ward, no one checked during the night and still sod all had happened. By the time they took me in for the c section about 8pm, labour still hadn't started.

Nomoresunshine · 13/09/2017 11:40

I reckon the chances he will do your head in during labour are quite high and you will be pushing him away anyway!!

MoosicalDaisy · 13/09/2017 11:42

Awww congrats! Yeah just let him go to work, it's fine, i'm sure he'll whizz round back to you when needed!

hooochycoo · 13/09/2017 11:42

I totally understand. You are in an extremely emotional hormonal situation and are trapped in hospital and have no control over the situation. Ofcourse you don't want to feel alone in that. Ofcourse you want you partner to be in the same headspace as you and to be his priority. Fucking scary and lonely otherwise.

I would imagine too that he is feeling helpless and impotent and wants to go and do something familiar and useful.

It's a very weird and fragile and testing time. Good luck OP, hope it speeds up soon and this weird no man's land is but a weird memory.

Original poster
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:46

Thank you @hooochycoo you've managed to almost completely accurately articulate how I feel!

On another side, anyone else have any induction stories for me?

OP posts:
Hullabaloo31 · 13/09/2017 11:48

You're heavily pregnant, been in hospital 9 days and about to give birth - no excuses needed I don't think. You're meant to be irrational!

Just tell him that and let him go to work, he's looking after you in the only way he can while you're stuck in hospital, by providing for his family.

cushioncovers · 13/09/2017 11:48

I occasionally work on an induction ward op and it's quite normal for the birth partners to be at home or working locally during the many many days interim period from induction to established labour.
I think it's natural for you to want his full attention on you, you are most likely fed up, tired, not sleeping in your own bed and probably a bit anxious about the labour and birth. Throw in some hormones and constant phone calls from family n friends wanting to know how you're doing and most of our ladies have a few tears.

Try to get some rest op. Good luck