Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been induced and husband wants to go to work

55 replies

peachandplum · 13/09/2017 11:24

Hi everyone.
I'm 37+5 and been induced yesterday. Hormone tampon hasn't worked so I now have a gel inserted to help get things going.

I'm happy for my DH to be at home relaxing or getting on with stuff so we can have quiet time and conserve energy for active labour. However, DH said he wants to go to work so we don't lose any wages. I think we'd manage fine unpaid for 3 days before paternity kicks in.

I feel very upset by this. Irrationally I am happy for him to be at home and to call him if anything changes but really unhappy at the thought of him going to work. I know rationally that it's unlikely labour will speed up lots and baby will come quick but I still feel it's an unknown risk.

Aibu to feel unhappy that his priority seems to be work as opposed to waiting for the induction to speed up?

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 13/09/2017 11:50

Yeah I have and induction story but you don't want to hear it!!!! I have a lovely Dd who is now 6.

You are irrational. It's ok. It is completely normal. As hard as it sounds it helps with an induction to be completely zen. If you are being induced due to preeclampsia just know the drugs given made me completely loopy. I was aware of being loopy which made it really wierd.

redsquirrel2 · 13/09/2017 11:57

Don't feel bad about being emotional and irrational, it's natural - it's an emotional time and it sounds like you've been through a lot. It probably does make sense though for him to be at work, so he can have more time off with you and the baby. I wouldn't go as far as to say you're being U, you're probably just in a bit of a turmoil. Hope all goes well.

BlueLagoons · 13/09/2017 12:01

I don't think you're being irrational at all. Labour and birth are scary prospects for a lot of women and add the unknown of induction into the mix and I'm not surprised your emotions are all over the place. Yes he should be with you. You need his support. I can't imagine why any dh/dp would not want to be with his other half at this time.

KurriKurri · 13/09/2017 12:07

I saw your other thread - I'm not at all surprised you are emotional - you've had a very stressful time getting to this point Flowers As long as he is easily reachable at work and can come from there if needed, it will be OK.

So pleased things are starting for you now, hope everything goes well - not too long now until you have your little baby to cuddle x

BlueLagoons · 13/09/2017 12:11

To make matters worse, I've just noticed your other thread about being terrified of being induced. Yes, he should be with you. And no, YANBU. Plus he needs to be your 'voice'. After the stress and lack of sleep over the last 8 days you need someone thinking straight to act responsibly on your behalf and ask the questions that you may not think to ask (This doesn't mean he makes the decisions for you before anyone jumps on that bandwagon).

Original poster
peachandplum · 13/09/2017 12:13

I feel calmer now and almost a bit of a fraud as literally nothing is happening!

He's gone to work anyway.

OP posts:
GotToGetMyFingerOut · 13/09/2017 12:18

I felt quite irrational about things when I was at the end of pregnancy and in and out hospital. The thing is you have acknowledged your feelings about him working are irrational, so in that sense you are being rational.

It's just all the hormones. It's like really severe pms, which can definitely make me irrational.

I hope it happens quickly for you now.

Remy66 · 13/09/2017 12:19

Good luck OP! You'll be fine.
I labour very slowly and was in and out of hospital too so I said to DH to just go to work he drove me absolutely potty while there mind. He was a right faffer and just got in the way! So I sent him to work.
He could've been with me in as little as 5 mins though, so that effects things a bit.

Mandraki · 13/09/2017 12:28

It's a scary time waiting to give birth but if he's not at the hospital he may as well be at work, assuming you can call him at any moment if he is needed? May as well be still earning money before the baby comes, especially if he only gets statutory pat pay (as does my husband) and you're on mat leave. I'm about ready to pop with baby number one here, just started mat leave, so I understand that hormones and general pregnancy stuff (get this baby out of me right now!!) can make you feel this way but he is best off at work if he's not at hospital.

Cornettoninja · 13/09/2017 12:29

Bless you - it's a weird thing to be induced and I agree the hormones they give you can make you a bit pmt'y (mind you pregnancy did that to me anyway). My theory is inductions are quite intense in someways because your body is been pushed into a state it's not quite ready for.... it's all good though. You get pretty good care as an induction so don't feel alone Flowers

I won't go into details about mine but it was pretty quick really. Went into hospital at 11am and had dd by 9am the next morning.

My advice is to keep moving, it was a constant battle between me wanting to shift about and the midwife wanting me to lie down to monitor the baby! Also i took pretty much all pain relief offered and got the impression that was to be expected with an induction.

itsgoodtobehome · 13/09/2017 12:32

OP - I was in your situation, but had the opposite problem. My dh did stay with me while I went through the induction process. I was in hospital for a week, and it basically used up his first week of paternity leave, and only left us with one more week when we got home with the baby. With hindsight, I wish he had worked that week I was in hospital (where I was being well cared for) and had the whole 2 weeks with him at home. So if I were in your situation, I would definitely let him work, and savour the time he has off once the baby arrives. Good luck.

SuperUnicorn · 13/09/2017 12:36

Hope you are getting on ok.

I was induced at 11am, my baby was born just after 3.30pm same day. Initially not much happened but then suddenly it did. It took me by surprise as everyone else I know who had been induced had said how long it took. I had driven myself to hospital as my oh was at work, he had cows to milk!

Kelsoooo · 13/09/2017 12:45

I understand. I do. But I understand him aswell. If I could redo my second induction I'd have left him at home whilst I just landed in hospital. It would have been less exhausting for both of us.

Induction stories: 2.

One, started 09/09/09. Nothing happened until 12/09 then it all went well. Dilated to 3cm after gel insertion, two hours later. Artificial rupture of membranes at 830pm. Nothing happened until 11pm when they started the syncotin drip. At 1am I begged for the epidural, at 1.29am the anaesthetist arrived, but it was too late. And at 1.59am my eldest daughter was born.
So induction to birth, 3days, established labour 4 hours, pushing 10minutes and out. Minimal intervention e.g. no forceps, no cuts. Pain relief of codiene and pethedine on the ward. Pethedine and gas and air on labour unit.

Dd2, "tampon" inserted Saturday morning. Not high enough. Went for a long long walk and the bastard fell out. Redid it 8 hours later. Started working. On the Sunday they were so busy they largely ignored me other than to put the gel in. Watched the formula one in between contractions, on the maternity unit, one of the candy striper women dragged a midwife over to me, who finally confirmed I was in established labour but no labour rooms free......
Until they checked my notes and saw I had Group B strep and DD1 had complications at birth.
Moved me to labour room whereupon they attached me to a drip of antibiotics and tried their hardest to stall labour by five hours.

Nearly ended in emergency C-section because DD heart rate kept dropping and not picking up. Amazing midwife pushed fluids after fluids into me via drip whilst making me drink lucozade incessantly.

Same story with pain relief. Identical infact, even the same anesthesiologist.

No forceps or cuts etc.

Again, complications after birth. But that was my fault not the inductions.

Established labour was quick, it was getting it to that point that took the time.

So loads and loads of walking If you're allowed. Stairs preferably, and even more fluids.

My MW told me after that one of the main causes for unforseen complications is dehydration.

Good luck!

Also, my eldests birthday today, it's a great day for it.

Kelsoooo · 13/09/2017 12:46

Also cried each night I was left alone. It's one of those things. So don't try to "be strong" cry if you want. It helps.

And i swear I used paragraphs.

Kelsoooo · 13/09/2017 12:46

Also cried each night I was left alone. It's one of those things. So don't try to "be strong" cry if you want. It helps.

And i swear I used paragraphs.

Zaphodsotherhead · 13/09/2017 12:50

Good luck, peach!

DuggeeHugs · 13/09/2017 12:51

Ah OP, inductions are stressful Flowers

Half the problem is that you have no idea how looooong they can be until you're there.

Mine took 6 days and we ended up with DH going into work each day as needed. It was horrible for both of us - I was worn down and emotional with being stuck in hospital, DH was stressed about how I was feeling, money (if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid), and all the general stress of impending parenthood. On day 6 I was taken for an EMCS, DH had been at the hospital until 3am and was shocked awake at 8am telling him to get back in (we don't live nearby).

YANBU to want him there but, equally, HINBU to fit in work now so that there is less stress once baby arrives.

I hope all goes well and look forward to your post announcing DCs arrival Smile

SusanTheGentle · 13/09/2017 12:53

I have nothing useful to add than what's been said - YANBU but it probably is a good idea for him to go to work, presuming he's not hours away.

How frustrating and annoying this must be, when all you want is to meet your baby! I hope it gets going soon - say 3pm, so he's plenty of time to pack up and get going and you can have the baby first thing in the morning tomorrow so he doesn't miss any pay and it's not too long for you.

Flowers
Sparrowlegs248 · 13/09/2017 12:53

It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, you are the heavily pregnant one. If it upsets you then it's fine. I went in to have my waters broke and sent husband to work that morning. I was well into Labour by the time he arrived at 7pm, but I was OK with that. I did have my mum.there until he got there though so not alone.

In your case, it could take days. I'd send him to work and call him.ba k at the first sign of anything. Good luck.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 13/09/2017 12:56

I have a long induction story, but the relevant bit is, that after having been (unexpectedly - I just went in for a scan) booked into hospital, and having been there for a good 10 hours, and me fed, but not him (and no snacks because as I said, we didn't have anything with us - it was a surprise I was still there), DP suggested he might go and find himself some food (KFC in fact) - I burst into tears. I knew he was hungry, I new nothing was really going anywhere, but I was just tired and all over the place. Poor guy stayed, tummy rumbling, and didn't escape to feed himself until the next day.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 13/09/2017 12:56

I was induced but didn't have the gel so not sure what this does? If you were on the drip then I would understand, it's not great so he should definitely be there for that. I don't think you are being unreasonable, labour and all in entails is crap. But, he is better to work the time he can as you don't know how your labour will play out. DP used 3days of his paternity leave as I was being induced, before I finally had an EMACs on the 4th day. I needed him more after that than during the induced bit.
What happens if you need him for longer than his paternity leave? Then it will be more than just 3 days unpaid.

Good luck OP!

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 13/09/2017 12:58

Oh, and for the next one, I refused induction and sent him home whilst having contractions in the early labour ward, but TBH when I was alone I found the medical staff much pushier, so I was glad when he got back (although I was also a lot more forceful since this was my second..) - but also so concerned about DS1 and that he was OK with grandparents and not scared about me that I was able to push my own feelings more to the background

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/09/2017 12:59

If you are able to get up and walk about Peach, that will help to speed things up. Glad things are slowly progressing. Won't be too long now.

blueskyinmarch · 13/09/2017 13:02

I was induced with all 3 of mine and my DH went to work each time. He was called in when things got going. It took 4 days for my last DC to be born after i went in to be induced (2 days of gel, a rest day then a drip). I think he was quite glad to be away and distracted until i was actually giving birth.

Good luck. Hopefully things will start moving and you will have a lovely baby soon!

KitKat1985 · 13/09/2017 13:05

I don't think you have to apologise OP. It's totally understandable you feel a bit irrational now. I also remember your other thread. For what it's worth I think it's understandable DH feels he needs to go into work as I guess if you've already been on the ward 9 days he has probably already missed quite a bit of work, so I guess he is feeling anxious about that.