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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I being unreasonable to have asked her to be quiet?

107 replies

Loudgirlonatrain · 13/09/2017 08:12

Namechanged as I told my dh about this and I don't want him finding my other posts!

I was on a train journey yesterday and it's a rare opportunity without kids so it sounds a bit stupid but I was SO looking forward to reading my book!

When I got on the carriage the first thing I heard was a woman talking to someone across the aisle. In fairness to her she wasn't shouting as such but she had an incredibly loud voice. One of those really ringing, carrying ones. I sat right in the middle of the carriage and she was at the end near the doors. Even so, it was as as if she was right next to me. I heard every detail about how rude people in London were, her degree and the stress of applying for jobs, how nice it was to chat on these long journeys. Several people were rolling their eyes a bit.

In the end I went to her and asked really quietly "look, d'you mind keeping it down a bit ?" She looked really shocked and she did speak quieter for the rest of the journey. I could still hear her in fact but it wasn't quite as 'commanding.'

Having written it like that I don't think I was unreasonable but I felt rotten at the time as I went from wanting to kill her to wanting to apologise to her !

OP posts:
OhBuggerandArse · 14/09/2017 07:45

I share a bus to work with all the spectacularly entitled Sloaney students who get on as we go through the posh part of town.

I know more about their love lives, hangovers, skiing holidays, wrangles with Daddy, scams they're going to try and pull on their lecturers than anyone ought to. It doesn't occur to them that anyone might ever a) not want to know all the details of their lives b) be mildly irritated by braying at 9 in the morning.

It's not usually shouting, it's quality of voice - the oral equivalent of man-spreading.

AJPTaylor · 14/09/2017 08:22

Yanbu at all. And good on you for doing it.

Abbylee · 14/09/2017 17:48

My aunt is deaf and my hearing is not great. My dc tell me that my voice is too loud and i do not realize it at times. Dh is deaf in one ear and i have to remind him to talk more quietly as well.

Often, people who are lonely talk more than people who have friends and family.

When i really want to read my book, i bring a pair of headphones. In public, everyone is inconvenienced at some point. We are in charge of ourselves: not others.

rider1975 · 14/09/2017 18:01

Ear plugs are the answer - I take them on all long journeys. Some people have no respect for others in public spaces and I dislike confrontation.

simiisme · 14/09/2017 18:02

I really cannot stand people with loud, braying voices. They have about as much self-awareness as toddlers. It's selfish and rude.
However, I'm a total wimp and wouldn't say anything.
I favour earphones and some distracting music, but I'm considering buying ear plugs as life, people, traffic are so fucking loud!

Belindaboom · 14/09/2017 18:03

Sit in a quiet carriage next timw

nonevernotever · 14/09/2017 18:03

I wish we did have HS2 London to Edinburgh

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 14/09/2017 18:08

I think this is actually pretty mean

I've had difficulty hearing since I was little and my voice is loud.

I would have been really embarrassed and upset.

FaveNumberIs2 · 14/09/2017 18:23

You were being very unreasonable and very rude!

Trains are noisy places to start with and if, like me, she has any trouble with her hearing, she will naturally talk louder without knowing it.

May I suggest in future you take in ear earphones with you. You don't have to listen to music but it's surprising how much 'General noise' they do cut out.

WorldofTofuness · 14/09/2017 18:40

Arf at "Just go in the quiet carriage."
Many trains don't have them--certainly the ones I commute on.
Where they do exist, they have a finite number of seatswhich may well all be occupied by the time any given person averse to braying gets onthey are not Tardises.
Going by what the OP says, the quiet coach would need to expand to house half her coach's occupants just so that one woman could bray unhindered...fair? really?

ChickenVindaloo2 · 14/09/2017 18:45

On behalf of all the other passengers, OP, I salute you and I thank you!

WorldofTofuness · 14/09/2017 18:45

I have slightly dodgy hearing--have had it since childhood. Never wanted a hearing aid.
It used to annoy meworking in the Civil Service that was forever banging on about 'diversity'that our section head who used to hold little audiences round the building, would never speak up when asked to.
DP tells me my voice is occasionally a bit loud.
BUT should it get to the stage where I'm talking loudly enough to annoy people unintentionally, I would certainly reconsider the hearing aid.

clarkl2 · 14/09/2017 18:46

Completely reasonable. Some people use public transport as a forum to talk about how amazing they are to a captive audience...... pipe down pet!! X

TrailingWife · 14/09/2017 18:46

Sounds like she doesn't have much experience using public transit. Was she an American? Being overly loud and lacking self awareness seem like the sort of things my people do. Blush

I think you did her a favor. Even though she didn't care for it, in the long run, fewer people in the future will be annoyed by her.

Bimbam2 · 14/09/2017 18:51

I wouldn't have done what you did. I would have avoided what could have become a confrontational situation. Instead I would have moved carriages. She seemed to respond politely and quieten down which indicates she is a considerate person - "all is well that ends well".

DILF1981 · 14/09/2017 19:23

Why didn't you just move?

junebirthdaygirl · 14/09/2017 20:07

Recently on a train a young guy in seat across the aisle from us carried on a full scale conversation with his gf on the phone. Not only that but he was facetiming her and she was walking around the house naked just casually chatting to him . He made no effort to conceal the screen. It was as if he was oblivious to anyone being around. I wish op you had been there. I was totally stressed but my dh wouldnt let me call him on it .

TeachesOfPeaches · 14/09/2017 20:21

You can't tell other people how loudly they can talk on public transport. Bring some headphones if you want peace and quiet - it isn't a library.

manicmij · 14/09/2017 20:22

In public places of folk are talking it should only be at a level loud enough for the person to whom it is being addressed can hear. Same with music, mobiles only the person listening, speaking should hear. If everyone in a carriage/bus/plane or wherever spoke at the level described in the posting it would be bedlam. We all need to remember to consider others and stop being selfish.

JoySaidThat · 14/09/2017 22:11

"When I got on the carriage the first thing I heard was a woman talking to someone across the aisle. "

So she was already on there when you got on?!! YABVU !!! She was already on there chatting! WTF

Also, it's a public space, people have the right to talk - if you don't like it get up and move!

SherbrookeFosterer · 14/09/2017 23:17

YANBU - but public transport is what it is; a forum for human grossness & lack of self awareness.

I once sat across the aisle from a woman who started clipping her nails.

Sweetpea55 · 15/09/2017 04:07

It would have annoyed me too. My husband has worked in the London area quite a lot awith young male office workers. There's always one who lives the sound of their own voice

KnowsStuff · 15/09/2017 22:53

Not at all unreasonable

Mittens1969 · 15/09/2017 23:10

It would have annoyed me, too, I'm another one who enjoys reading on public transport. But I wouldn't have had the balls to ask her to speak more quietly. Well done. Smile

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 15/09/2017 23:15

YANBU.

You can tell who the people are on this thread that have the rest of us sitting there wishing they'd shut the heck up and learn some consideration for others...