Was I being unreasonable to have asked her to be quiet?

[Loudgirlonatrain]

Namechanged as I told my dh about this and I don't want him finding my other posts!

I was on a train journey yesterday and it's a rare opportunity without kids so it sounds a bit stupid but I was SO looking forward to reading my book!

When I got on the carriage the first thing I heard was a woman talking to someone across the aisle. In fairness to her she wasn't shouting as such but she had an incredibly loud voice. One of those really ringing, carrying ones. I sat right in the middle of the carriage and she was at the end near the doors. Even so, it was as as if she was right next to me. I heard every detail about how rude people in London were, her degree and the stress of applying for jobs, how nice it was to chat on these long journeys. Several people were rolling their eyes a bit.

In the end I went to her and asked really quietly "look, d'you mind keeping it down a bit ?" She looked really shocked and she did speak quieter for the rest of the journey. I could still hear her in fact but it wasn't quite as 'commanding.'

Having written it like that I don't think I was unreasonable but I felt rotten at the time as I went from wanting to kill her to wanting to apologise to her !

[coddiwomple]

YANBU

When you are in a public place, train/ restaurants wherever, you should be considerate and keep your voice down. It's bloody rude and childish to speak in a "normal" volume in a train! I am sure all the other passengers were ever so grateful to you! I would have been.

I do wear headphones in the train, but sometimes even they are not enough to cover the racket made by others.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

Yabu. Your right to read does not trump someone else's right to a conversation on a regular carriage of a train unless it is specifically a quiet carriage. And saying you can tell if someone is speaking loudly due to a hearing issue or just being loud is frankly ridiculous. I know 4 people with adult onset hearing loss and their voices aren't distorted or anything. They speak exactly like they used to only louder.

[AngeloMysterioso]

I had a similar situation at the weekend- on a morning train with DH, after a few stops a father and daughter (I assume) got on and sat at the table across from where we were. Why they needed to speak so loudly to each other when they were sitting three feet apart baffles me but they managed to be significantly louder than me and DH (and our friend when he got on) then they called someone and chatted to him on speakerphone, they'd thy were watching videos! I was seething the whole time but DH wouldn't let me say anything

[5foot5]

YANBU and I know exactly the sort of voice you mean. Some people speak so that everyone in the surrounding area can hear every damn syllable!

I was in a bookshop at the weekend and there was a woman like this talking to her son. She wasn't shouting yet you could hear her all around the shop. It was a relief when she left.

[teaandtoast]

I was in the cinema waiting for the film to start and there was a man LOUDLY talking to someone. They talked all through the adverts and then carried on through the trailers. You couldn't ignore what he was saying because it was so piercing.

Fortunately a woman had had enough and spoke up in a rather posh voice, 'Oh do be quiet!'.
He mumbled a bit but shut up. She got a round of applause.

[redthunder123]

maybe you should just end your thread here. your defending the comments as if you already know you wasn't being unreasonable.

I don't know why you felt you needed clarification in the first place?

I would have told her to STFU so your a better woman/man than me. well done.

[GiantSteps]

Your right to read does not trump someone else's right to a conversation on a regular carriage of a train

But the OP wasn't asking them not to speak or conduct a conversation at all, just that the conversation be conducted at a volume which cannot be heard all over the carriage ie louder than required or than is normal.

To request this is not unreasonable. And to disturb other people by the volume of your conversation is just rude.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

How does the op know that the woman wasn't hard of hearing though? Apart from the magical intuition she apparently has.
I had someone complain to me that I was speaking too loudly to my hard of hearing 96yo grandmother when she was confused in hospital. According to them we should have sat in silence because they shouldn't have to plug their headphones in to watch the news!

[lynmilne65]

There is a 'quiet' coach '!!

[Beadieeye]

You're no more entitled to read a book in silence than she was to speak at volume in a public place. Unless it was the quiet carriage, then it's par for the course.
No one owes you quiet time just because you're usually busy with the kids.

[PerUnaStubbs]

Sitting in a packed train carriage and carrying on a very loud conversation is on a par with watching an iPad with the sound up. Sure, watch it, but at a level that doesn't force everyone else in the carriage to share the experience too.

I sometimes dull the pain by tweeting snippets from the loud conversation.

[cockneylass]

Someone said this to me in a restaurant. I do naturally have a loud voice but obviously wasn't really aware it was disturbing people or going out of my way to talk loudly. I'd had a few glasses of wine so was maybe louder than normal. The guy wasn't all that polite about it and iir really upset me getting told off in public in front of people. I went to the toilet and cried! Ruined my evening actually. I Guess I maybe ruined his.

[peachandplum]

@cockneylass
I'm sure your 'naturally loud voice' after a few wines was probably like a foghorn in that restaurant. I really wouldn't cry over it, but try to be more aware and considerate.

[JonSnowsWife]

How do you know if they're speaking loudly due to hearing loss though?

I am deaf and the only time people know is when I wear my hearing aid. I don't talk or shout any differently.

FWIW I don't think you were being unreasonable if they really were very loud but I'm afraid that is the perils of public transport. I'd much prefer to listen to someone being a bit overly loud than someone on the bus threatening to 'fucking smack you one if you don't shut up crying' to their kid once

If I haven't got my hearing aid in. I dont always know how loud I am talking but my friends and family will tell me.

[Spangles1963]

Some people just have incredibly piercing,strident voices that seem to carry for miles,no matter how quietly they talk. I always get stuck next to one of these people on a long train or coach journey.

[GiantSteps]

Sitting in a packed train carriage and carrying on a very loud conversation is on a par with watching an iPad with the sound up. Sure, watch it, but at a level that doesn't force everyone else in the carriage to share the experience too.

This

There's a big difference between a quiet private conversation and a conversation which the whole carriage has no choice but to listen to!

[guilty100]

YANBU, I bet your fellow passengers were really pleased. Some people don't have a sense of their own volume - you politely and gently nudged her to dial it down, and it worked. Result!

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

I know someone with a voice like this.
He has one volume - loud. His voice carries very well.
That's fine and dandy if you're playing Hamlet at The Globe theatre, but not if someone has had to step out of a meeting in a different room to tell him to be quiet as he was disturbing everyone.
DH and I were in a shop with him and his wife a while ago. I heard his wife whisper something and then he foghorned "OH, AM I BEING LOUD?" in his normal voice.
Both DH and I and some other customers all turned round and said "YES!"
It was very funny.

[FilledSoda]

Honestly if I were that lady I'd rather know I was being loud.
I might be a bit embarrassed but better that than carrying on for the duration.

[SureJan]

It's just so petty though! Does someone talking loud really ruin your day so much, does it bother you SO much that you just HAVE to say something to them?!
Can't do anything these days, can't even talk without getting told off by some patronising busybody!
I swear some people just love lording it over others, telling them what to do & making them look/feel stupid.

[JakeBallardswife]

I'm assuming that you found out lots of details about her life, thankfully you'll be unlikely to run into her again and if you do at least she'll avoid you.

If / when she does have kids she'll be one of the people in Waitrose saying ' Tarquin do you prefer Quinoa or Avocado smoothies for breakfast',

[HotNatured]

YANBU

I have a really loud booming voice and sometimes I don't realise quite how loud it is, it kind of rises when I'm talking and I'm honestly unaware of how loud it is. Sometimes people get up and move and I get the hint and bring it right down. If I was being loud on the 'phone I honestly wouldn't mind if someone asked me, politely, to keep it down. I consider myself a considerate person but my voice seems to have a mind of its own

Even though I'm loud I get annoyed by other loud people so would ask them to keep it down if they were annoying me

[edithoftoadhall]

I had to do this a couple of weeks ago, but the woman in question was drunk and swearing in front of my children.
Needless to say, she did not take kindly to being told to keep the volume down.
She also insisted on resting her legs in the aisle and not under the table, meaning that anyone wishing to get past had to step over her to get by. Unbelievably rude.

[KERALA1]

Yanbu I would have internally applauded you. This really bugs me but don't feel on strong enough ground to actually say anything as technically they are allowed.

When I am empress disturbing others in an enclosed space you are forced to be in (public transport) will be illegal. This is to include brayers like yours and that tinny music teens and dimwits play (put your headphone on you prat)

[Amethyst975]

I'm a librarian so am well used to the spectrum of voice volume as well as trying to find creative ways to nicely ask people to shut up.

I remember asking one lovely lady with a really loud voice to whisper, and she tried her best but it became apparent she physically couldn't whisper. She was SO embarrassed but I couldn't help laughing.

Would I approach someone on public transport? Not sure. I can see it from both sides. But well done for having the courage!