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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I being unreasonable to have asked her to be quiet?

107 replies

Loudgirlonatrain · 13/09/2017 08:12

Namechanged as I told my dh about this and I don't want him finding my other posts!

I was on a train journey yesterday and it's a rare opportunity without kids so it sounds a bit stupid but I was SO looking forward to reading my book!

When I got on the carriage the first thing I heard was a woman talking to someone across the aisle. In fairness to her she wasn't shouting as such but she had an incredibly loud voice. One of those really ringing, carrying ones. I sat right in the middle of the carriage and she was at the end near the doors. Even so, it was as as if she was right next to me. I heard every detail about how rude people in London were, her degree and the stress of applying for jobs, how nice it was to chat on these long journeys. Several people were rolling their eyes a bit.

In the end I went to her and asked really quietly "look, d'you mind keeping it down a bit ?" She looked really shocked and she did speak quieter for the rest of the journey. I could still hear her in fact but it wasn't quite as 'commanding.'

Having written it like that I don't think I was unreasonable but I felt rotten at the time as I went from wanting to kill her to wanting to apologise to her !

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 13/09/2017 09:03

You can't tell people off for talking.

You can if it's too loud. I'm constantly trying to teach my students 'appropriate voice' because some people generally do not understand how to regulate their voice for the location and audience.

changemyname1 · 13/09/2017 09:09

I heard was a woman talking to someone across the aisle. I sat right in the middle of the carriage and she was at the end near the doors. Even so, it was as as if she was right next to me.

So she was on one side of the train and the person she was talking to was on the other side but at the same level? she must have been loud, I bet the whole carriage heard her.
Why didn't she see if they could sit next to each other.
I don't think YWBU.

GiantSteps · 13/09/2017 09:12

YANBU

I am often flabbergasted by the rude behaviour of people on trains nowadays.

I experienced the most godawful train journey the other day with a similarly loud voiced woman and daughter, sitting across the table from me. Indeed as their stuff was all over the table I had most of their life practically on my lap. I was trying to work on my laptop & had to ask her to move things to just take up three-quarters of the table.

She started a passive-aggressive conversation with her DD reminding her DD about how that morning, her DD had been sick all over some "fucking snobby man's fancy suit" & laptop, and that she had laughed!

Some people are just unbelievably rude

SureJan · 13/09/2017 09:13

I'm leaning toward YABU. I'd have just sucked it up & wouldn't have asked her to keep it down. I hate people telling others what to do & find it quite patronising. Surely you can cope with a bit of noise during your journey, & on public transport you shouldn't really expect peace & quiet. And she probably felt like shit after you said it.

Francesca14 · 13/09/2017 09:16

No, and thanks from all of us who would just sit there quietly wanting to say something.

loobyloo1234 · 13/09/2017 09:17

YABU - only on MN and in London do people just expect everyone else to not talk on public transport Confused

Stick your headphones in or buy some earplugs

limitedperiodonly · 13/09/2017 09:18

Well done. I know exactly the kind of voice you mean because I sit near one at work. She drives everyone potty but no one says anything. Are you free to pop into my office today?

StickThatInYourPipe · 13/09/2017 09:20

I don't think you can tell her off for being too loud when you chose not to sit in the quiet carriage.

StickThatInYourPipe · 13/09/2017 09:21

Well obviously you can (you did!) but I don't really think you should.

Piewraith · 13/09/2017 09:30

I think it's ok because you were polite about it. If you were to have shouted "shut up you bitch!" across the carriage now that would have BU.

MargaretCavendish · 13/09/2017 09:39

I was in a specificed quiet carriage once and a bunch of babyboomers were shouting and laughing - i said this is the quiet carriage could they turn the vol down a bit and they refused and said "its only for mobiles" - how can it make a difference whether you are shouting into a black box or not!!??!

Incredibly, incredibly annoyingly that is actually the rule, at least on the train company I used to commute to work on. You can't use any form of electronic device in a quiet carriage, including using headphones at such a low volume that it can't be heard by anyone but you, but you can hold a party as long as all the people involved are physically present. This, apparently, 'is what passengers want'.

thereallochnessmonster · 13/09/2017 09:45

YANBU. If her conversation was annoying/disturbing the entire carriage then YANBU for pointing that out.

Everyone has the right to enjoy their journey in peace. Shs should have more self awareness/be more considerate.

BMW6 · 13/09/2017 09:48

OP you were perfectly reasonable and polite in asking her to turn it down a bit. A lot of people have rather "carrying" voices (myself included) and it does no harm to bring this to their attention.
Self awareness and consideration of others is the order of the day.

Tessie56 · 13/09/2017 10:00

I wish I had the guts to do that sort of thing! I once got on a train with my kids when they were little and we were surrounded by teenagers who were happily swearing away. I really wanted to ask them to stop, but was too scared - pathetic!

It doesn't sound like you were rude to her, but I still wouldn't have done it. I'd have probably put up with it or moved carriages!

Original poster
Loudgirlonatrain · 13/09/2017 10:03

I don't think the train had a quiet carriage. We don't all do hs2 London to Edinburgh, you know Wink

OP posts:
Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 13/09/2017 10:37

Ooh - I have a work colleague like this. I could tell you every small detail about his life.

He has been told and asked to either talk more quietly or stop talking so much (but his manager), but he seems to have thus compulsive need to talk about his life, football etc. His voice carries. I don't mind some talking, but it feels like more talking time than work.

Well done op! In that kind of situation I usually seethe for a bit, then get worked up and can be rude - 'can't you stop talking? We paid to hear the band, not your conversation'

demirose87 · 13/09/2017 10:39

You were being unreasonable. Yes it's annoying but you can't tell people off for talking. Shouting is another matter though. I get that you wanted to read your book in peace but in a public place, you will encounter people being noisy.

Allesda · 13/09/2017 10:44

I asked a lady (very politely) to keep it down on a plane before. She spent 40 minutes very loudly discussing the pronunciation of her name in different accents! My exOH was on the verge of exploding so I thought a polite request from me was the better option. She mimed zipping her mouth shut and then fell asleep!

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 13/09/2017 10:45

YANBU some people have very carrying voices that drown out sensible levels of background noise.

Remembers the student I taught for 3 years in different combinations of class. Every single combination was the loudest class on my timetable from everyone else projecting to hold their own conversations around her. Once my colleague fished her out on a warm day when the doors were propped open as she was fed up of the sound of her voice... from the other end of the block. She wasn't even being particularly loud by her standards!

RaspberryOverload · 13/09/2017 10:47

OP, you weren't asking her not to talk at all, despite what some posters seem to think, you simply asked her to quieten down. YANBU

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 13/09/2017 11:04

If you were in a quiet coach then no but otherwise it's just a peril of public transport. I had a 2 hour train journey yesterday and 3 MH nurses were sat at their reserved seats around a table configuration of 4. One had a very loud voice. They seemed to be preparing for a presentation later that day. A lady got on next stop and her reserved seat was the 4th at the table. The nurse with the loud voice said, very loudly "are you sure you want to sit there, we're mental health nurses working and talking about sensitive subjects like suicide". Clearly a trigger warning but the whole coach heard. The irony was clearly lost on her and I think inappropriate to be discussing a subject like that on a packed train in any event.

user1485342611 · 13/09/2017 11:06

YANBU. I wish more of us had the courage to do that. It used to be the norm for people to speak in a quieter voice than usual in public places. Nowadays you can't get on a train or go into a restaurant without some loudmouth shouting their business all over the place.

It is really annoying for other people to have to listen to shrill voices talking at top volume and drowning out any attempt by others to relax, enjoy a meal, speak quietly to their own companions etc.

XJerseyGirlX · 13/09/2017 11:10

As long as you were polite in asking then of course YANBU
good on you op

Serialweightwatcher · 13/09/2017 11:10

I'd have probably just glared a lot but wouldn't have the bottle to do what you did

Allthebestnamesareused · 13/09/2017 11:17

Loudgirlonatrain

It is not just HS2 London to Edinburgh that has quiet carriages. Our local ones have one quiet carriage too. It might be worth checking out next time. I think the other poster was trying to be helpful for your future journeys.