Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you got your baby to sleep without being held constantly?

74 replies

Meowstro · 13/09/2017 00:51

I have a 6 week old baby who will not sleep in her carry cot for naps (although will when it is attached to the pram only whilst moving did for her first week), nor her cot or next to me crib (which was a desperate buy). She rolls onto her side and has done since a week old, swaddles are now out of the question but she has worked her way out of them whilst in my arms anyway. We've been cosleeping now out of desperation but I'm worried about SIDS risks, even though I'm not a smoker, stay still, etc. and her sucking a dummy to sleep as well as being breastfed. She's started to roll into my arm like she would if I were cradling her and feeding her, even when she's not hungry at night. I've tried a cosymoov for naps to no avail. It's got to the point I've stopped trying the cot and crib once she's fallen asleep in my arms for fear she'll wake up again after trying to get her to sleep for so long. The startle reflex wakes her up within 5 minutes and nothing soothes her but being picked up. Thinking about it now, she hates being put down and cries instantaneously even when she can see my face less than 20cm and feel my touch.

I know I'm BU and aware of the 4th trimester but don't want the only sleeping whilst being held to be something that becomes hard to break habit. I am desperate to brush my hair properly during the day and to get dressed in actual going out clothes! Any suggestions?

OP posts:
britbat23 · 13/09/2017 01:03

It'll be better in four to six months. There's nothing you can "do". It's not habit forming or indulgent. Babies just like everything about being held.

doubleshotespresso · 13/09/2017 01:06

Hello OP, My little one was very similar, really feel your pain. I found that body heat and scent were a huge magnet for her and she would wake up anytime I even attempted to lower her into a cot/carrycot/basket / whatever....

So I used to put muslin squares over one shoulder when I was holding her and had a few of those microwaveable fabric pouches (think they have rice or something in to warm up the cot or carrycot. Before I transferred her I would place the muslin underneath her so she had my scent with her. This worked well for us as did white noise videos saved onto my phone from Youtube.

She is now 3 and I have found rag doll type of things which are microwaveable too, works wonders at bedtime. ;-)

Oh and there will always be a day or tow where your hair comes second, don't beat yourself up, sounds like you are doing really well, enjoy the cuddles whilst you can if all else fails.

Flowers
Mo0517 · 13/09/2017 01:06

I have an 19 week old and she always worked her way out of swaddles. However we got the groswaddle with a zip that they can't get out of...good if startle reduce waking them

NotTooTough · 13/09/2017 01:10

Waited until she about 12 months!!

Totally unhelpful, sorry.

But seriously, now she's 8 there's nothing I'd like more than to sit on the settee all day every day breastfeeding and being a baby pillow.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/09/2017 01:15

DD used to do this. I went with it TBH and she is an incredibly independent and brave 6yo now. Massively more secure and independent than almost all her friends. Which were I a smug mummy I would put down to that secure attachment. It wasn't. She was just a snuggly baby and a very unsnuggly child.

Marley45 · 13/09/2017 01:25

It's developmental so nothing you can 'do' I'm afraid. My boy was fed and cuddled to sleep for every nap until he was five and a half months old. We still feed to sleep at night now. Babies need to be held - just enjoy it I think.

NymeriaStark · 13/09/2017 01:27

Get yourself a sling for hands free daytime naps and try to go with it as much as poss- she's tiny and it's just what she needs. You can't make bad habits this early.

NotTheCoolMum · 13/09/2017 02:31

Agree with pp's.

I am desperate to brush my hair properly during the day and to get dressed in actual going out clothes! Any suggestions?

Get DP on board to have baby for 40 mins in the morning so you can shower and get dressed, eat breakfast etc. If he has to get up 40 mins earlier so be it.

This stage doesn't last for ever, just get through it however you can.

Mum2OneTeen · 13/09/2017 02:38

Co-sleeping

AnaKristina · 13/09/2017 02:48

I'm in the same situation. I manage to slide the baby just next to my body when fully asleep and then sleep next to him. It doesn't work sometime but at least I sleep with my head on the mattress instead of on the headboard. I got sleepyhead waiting be delivered and sold next to me crib. He is 9 weeks old. From time to time itry to put him in a Moses basket as advised by the HV to make him see it's another place to sleep. Sleeps there one short nap a day.

AnaKristina · 13/09/2017 02:52

I can understand no time for the personal hygiene and food. My day is totally absorbed by looking after the baby who in addition has bad reflux. Thought that might be the reason for needing me a lot apart for the fourth trimester hypothesis.

MissClimpsonsTypingBureau · 13/09/2017 02:59

DS would not be put down at all until he was 10 weeks. It passes. It's horrible but it does pass. A sleepy head helped (they're fully washable so you can buy second hand) and it got slowly better.

Second a sling for daytime naps. Life saving. And yes: get DP to get up 2 hours early to hold the baby and give you a chance to sleep/ eat/ shower.

user1493413286 · 13/09/2017 03:46

My DD was like that in the early stages but I persisted with keeping on putting her in the Moses basket at night and bouncer during the day and she started sleeping more and more in them by a few weeks old. I used to very slowly put her down and then put my hand on her chest which kept her calm when she realised she wasn't being held and very slowly eased my hand off.
I found that the baby sleeping bag helped a lot as she wasn't going from my warmth to cold sheets; she was maintaining the warmth in it during the transfer. Also moving her to a cot actually helped as she would startle awake and throw her hands up which would hit the sides of the Moses basket and wake her more but that's quite an individual decision

Littlecaf · 13/09/2017 06:58

The midwife suggested with us a hot water bottle in Moses basket & rolled up blankets down each side to make him feel secure. To my amazement it worked! The baby just needed to feel snug.

Louiselouie0890 · 13/09/2017 07:03

We lie her on her belly (7 weeks old) Iin bed while we're watching telly seems to get her in a deep sleep she's near us can smell us on the bed. Then we move her to her crib that has sheet that I've cuddled in the night. If she disturbs she has a dummy on bad nights we have white noise but that lie on the bed seems to be her cue it's night time now and she does very well now. Usually sleeps 11 till 6 then back down again till 10. Hope it gets easier soon x

BertieBotts · 13/09/2017 07:06

Co sleeping/waiting for it to be outgrown here too.

I found a sidecar cot was the best thing. You can convert most cots if you don't want to buy a new one. Also look up proper co sleeping guidelines as there's a particular side sleeping 'c' position which is considered particularly safe.

Good luck - it doesn't last forever and certainly no need to worry about 'habits'. I kept co sleeping until 2 years but that was because I liked the convenience more than anything. There were definite shifts at 3 months, 8 months and 12 months where I could have moved him no problem.

thesleepsheep · 13/09/2017 07:16

My now 8 week old is the same. I posted something v similar a couple of weeks back. We had the groswaddle too as she wriggled out of swaddled. A hot water bottle in her crib before laying her down. Wrapping her in a blanket whilst in my arms then laying her down wrapped in it, til I knew she was asleep then tuck it in the crib like a sheet so she still has the smell. Like pp says white noise has helped no end. Sends her straight to sleep! . I do all this and it does sometimes help, however I've resigned to the fact she wants to be cuddled to sleep and invested in a sling, it has been a god send as it means I still have free arms! Oh and another thing, we got a colourful jungle play mat to lay her on that makes noises. She loves it, and it means she's getting used to laying down by herself!

Bluebellwoods123 · 13/09/2017 07:22

I second Littlecaf's suggestion of a hot water bottle it warms the mattress and the baby thinks it hasn't been put down. I also use rolled up blankets to make him feel secure but only during the day when I'm there to keep a close eye on him.
Mine is wrapped in a furry blanket for feeding cuddling to sleep then transferred to his Moses basket on it.
Sometimes I find it easier if someone else cuddles him to sleep after I've fed him because then he will stay asleep when they put him down.
It does get easier as they get older and the time they sleep out down does start to increase although if they feel unwell you're back to square one for a few days. Try everyone's suggestions until you find one that works and if it stops working try the other suggestions again! I hope you find a solution that works for you

Wishfulmakeupping · 13/09/2017 07:23

Sleepyhead worked for ds

TittyGolightly · 13/09/2017 07:24

google the fourth trimester 😉

Foxtrot92 · 13/09/2017 07:29

The midwife suggested with us a hot water bottle in Moses basket & rolled up blankets down each side to make him feel secure

Please DO NOT try this, it's dangerous and increases the risk of SIDS!

Kochicoo · 13/09/2017 07:34

Can confirm suggestions of a sling which seem to really help a lot of people and sometimes worked for dd. She needed to be held to sleep until 7 months when she just grew out of it one day. Good luck.

newbian · 13/09/2017 07:38

Time! Took about 4 months!

Yerroblemom1923 · 13/09/2017 07:44

I got a sling type thing in the end, meant I could get things done (like peel potstoes for tea etc) and out of sheer exhaustion gave in to co sleeping.