To ask how you got your baby to sleep without being held constantly?

[Meowstro]

I have a 6 week old baby who will not sleep in her carry cot for naps (although will when it is attached to the pram only whilst moving did for her first week), nor her cot or next to me crib (which was a desperate buy). She rolls onto her side and has done since a week old, swaddles are now out of the question but she has worked her way out of them whilst in my arms anyway. We've been cosleeping now out of desperation but I'm worried about SIDS risks, even though I'm not a smoker, stay still, etc. and her sucking a dummy to sleep as well as being breastfed. She's started to roll into my arm like she would if I were cradling her and feeding her, even when she's not hungry at night. I've tried a cosymoov for naps to no avail. It's got to the point I've stopped trying the cot and crib once she's fallen asleep in my arms for fear she'll wake up again after trying to get her to sleep for so long. The startle reflex wakes her up within 5 minutes and nothing soothes her but being picked up. Thinking about it now, she hates being put down and cries instantaneously even when she can see my face less than 20cm and feel my touch.

I know I'm BU and aware of the 4th trimester but don't want the only sleeping whilst being held to be something that becomes hard to break habit. I am desperate to brush my hair properly during the day and to get dressed in actual going out clothes! Any suggestions?

I also had some success using a t-shirt I'd slept in placed over the Moses basket mattress like a sheet, because it smelled like me

I had to properly straight-jacket swaddle my son. He would have loved that gro swaddle thing. But that's not much use to you.

I started the Gina Ford routines loosely from 4 weeks and had a maternity nurse help me for a few nights. She taught me how to put my DD down asleep then if she cried settle her by giving her a dummy, stroking her head, patting her chest and saying 'shh shh'. Then I'd leave, and once she was asleep I'd go back in to the room and take her dummy out. That was how I settled her for a year, and now she is 2 I just pop her in the cot say night night and she sleeps for 12 hours. I find in parenting books there are really few practical techniques for getting a babe to sleep, so I've told a lot of my friends about this and they find it helpful too! Good luck - the first few months are hard work but all worth it 😘

People sometimes forget that. The whole point about it is it's something the baby learns to do and isn't something someone else does for them

A 6 week old baby has no concept of "self". They shouldn't even be in the outside world at that age so thinking they should be able to self soothe is frankly ridiculous. They don't have the neurological development to self soothe.. They don't at 6 months either. They're supposed to need near constant attention and care from their caregivers because it's what they are biologically programmed to do.

but she already has an eye on 24 hour attachment not becoming a truly long term trend.

Nothing with babies or children can be described as "truly long term".

But from birth to 3 years or to 5 years IS long term in many people book. Many people cannot face the idea of co-sleeping that lomg and don't believe it is good for their child either. The fact that some people want to do it doesn't mean everyone should.

And even a newborn doesn't need to be physically attached to its mother 24 hours a day. Again some people will decide their baby wants this and give it, others won't feel their baby needs 24 hour physical attachment whilst still giving many hours of cuddles, feeding and physical contact. So they might be looking to encourage a 2 or 3 hour slot of time in a cot or in a buggy. It's a starting point and it's not 'frankly ridiculous' to think an older baby or even a tiny baby might be able to be in her buggy or bed and sleep alone or sometimes even drop off to sleep. Whilst not all do this and whilst not all parents are even interested in this, many many babies do do this perfectly happily.

Hi, my lo is 5 months old. I cuddle him to sleep then transfer him to his crib. I bought a sleepyhead pod which made him settle easier. Before I bought it, I used to put a warm hot water bottle in his Moses basket while I was feeding him, then take it out before putting him in, which also helped him settle. He didn't seem to like the cold much!! Hope you find something that works soon op!!

I could have written your post OP. I tried all of the tricks - warming sheets, a shirt that smelled like me, swaddling, etc etc - and nothing worked. The only relief I got from being pinned under kiddo for naps was carrying him in a sling where he happily fell asleep while I went for a walk. We co-slept with him lying on his side because he would not sleep on his back. Every few days I peeled myself out of bed early enough to have a shower before my OH had to start getting ready for work.

Then around three months, if we got the magic just right we could gingerly put him down, roll away, crawl out of the room and he might sleep 30 minutes or an hour. But only if we put him down on his front .

Then around 15 months I stopped giving him boob at night and he started sleeping 7-8 hours at a stretch! In his own bed!! The other night he slept 9 hours!!!

Good luck! It did feel relentless and I often resented his needs and was terrified I was still going to be trapped under a sleeping ten year old one day but we made it and most likely you will too.

I am on baby number four. I've never found a way to get ANY of them to sleep independently, day or night. I just have to sit on my arse holding the baby for naps and cuddle him all night. Which is not so difficult really

Seriously though, Imdo remember with baby number one being desperate to find the silver bullet that would get him sleeping on his own. I tried for months and months. What a waste of bloody time. Should have just enjoyed watching more soaps.

DD1 - nothing worked

DD2 - 1) Sleepyhead

2. Enforcing very regular and decent length naps - including taking her out in the buggy/sling if sleepyhead wasn't working. Avoided the overtiredness mess we got into by following Gina Ford with DD1

3. got a lactation consultant in early to sort latch and tongue tie issues, so DD2 wasn't as windy as dD1

With both of mine I used/use a vibrating chair to get them to sleep. I guess without meaning to we trained them to nod off in it. What I normally do is feed DD2 (4 months), sometimes to sleep, sometimes not depending on her, always in the dark and quiet with no interaction from me. Then into the chair for 20 mins (if it's the middle of the night I set a phone alarm and go back to sleep). After 20 mins she's usually zonko and I'm then able to carefully pick her up and put her in her cot.

With DD1 we did the same, although she was swaddled too as she loved it (DD2 hates it). We also used a Ewan sleep sheep religiously with DD1 but DD2 doesn't seem to need it.

Be aware of the 4 month sleep regression as their brains start to really develop and for lots of babies it can mean increased night wakings....

Wombat even the most hardcore attachment parents I know weren't/aren't attached to their babies 24/7 - including as newborns. That's not what I was saying. Nor did any of them/us plan what we'd be doing with our 3 year olds whilst they were tiny.

DD slept on me - or DH when he wasn't working away - for the first 4 months. After that she would sleep in her hammock for a while before coming back into bed with me. She was about 9 months when we switched to a cot (she worked out how to get out of the hammock and it wasn't safe) and 17 months when we decorated her room and put a single bed in that she wanted to sleep in. She was sleeping in there consistently by 3 under her own steam. Now at almost-7 she only comes in for a snooze a couple of times a month, tops. I miss those sleepy cuddles.

So no, you don't have to delay going to a tiny newborn, who ideally would still be inside its mother, because otherwise they'll be demanding 24/attachment at 5.

That's not how it works. (It's also not what attachment parenting is about!)

Well everyone has to make choices for themselves about what to do don't they.

I would just say again, that in terms of delaying going to baby, I did refer to 10 seconds! And also, my comments were an answer to what the OP asked.

Clearly there are lots of devotees of attachment parenting on this thread. Lots of people want to go with the flow and be led by baby - all fine. As you say, most people don't plan to be attached to their child at 3 years old....as you say, they haven't planned it. It's worth acknowledging that many post on Mn who do have 2 and 3 year olds and who are feeling desperate for the child to sleep alone. They need it for them, but also think the child needs it too because they don't get enough sleep. Often these people are looking for some advice or help about gently shifting their child towards sleeping alone.

I think parents start thinking about sled settling at varying points. Some have an eye on it from birth, others start thinking about it at 6 weeks or 6 months or a year or 2 years or whenever. Some people have reached a crisis point when they start thinking about it and many haven't. I am not talking about walking away and leaving a tiny baby, nor a big baby, nor a child to cry or leaving them for hours on end. I am talking about very gentle little steps which can be used to start to give baby a chance to start self settling - all that is, is being able to drop off to sleep, or if they come into a light sleep, to go back to sleep again easily. The OP is clearly interested in moving in that direction and that is fine, as it equally would be if she wasn't remotely interested in moving in that direction. I wouldn't have posted my thoughts as I have done if she hadn't asked.....but she did.

Just go with it. My 5 month old still does this sometimes when I put him down for naps. 6 weeks is so small they don't even know they are not part of you. It is really hard and I totally feel your pain and sleep deprivation. My little one does go down no bother at night which is great. I found the first 2 months just a pure haze. It does get easier

As you say, most people don't plan to be attached to their child at 3 years old....as you say, they haven't planned it

Again there are 2 meanings of attachment. In attachment parenting it isn't about physical attachment. I think most people want their 3 year old to have a secure attachment. Responding to a newborn's inate needs (rather than a weird societal expectation that only occurs in the west) is very much the first stage of that.

Second the gro swaddle/gro snug. Worked a treat for our baby

Six weeks! My girl was like limpet up to a year old.

I had the same and felt there was NOTHING I could do. So we coslept (safely). I'd go to early bed with DS, DH would go to bed late, then in the morning I'd get up very early and DH would provide warmth and human contact by staying in bed with DS. Barely saw DH for a few months, but that way we all got some sleep and both DH and I had a few hours for ourselves / work.

At 6 mo tried putting DS down into his cot in the evening; worked like a charm; now at 1yo he sleeps great.

Thing is Chocolate, you're making it sound like parents are making a choice between co-sleeping and independent sleeping. Most parents I know who cosleep have done so because it's the only way their child will sleep. They'll have tried "waiting 10 seconds"/"shushing in cot" etc and their baby will have screamed at them. Not whinged or grizzled or moaned a bit but full on screamed. If a bit of shush-pat or leaving them for a few seconds/minutes is all it took to help your baby to self settle then you didn't have a bad sleeper to start with.

In a delirious mess I didn't ask the question for the thread subject I meant but you got it and I will try some of them. I can get her to sleep just she will not stay that way when put down, this by double explains it perfectly:

she would wake up anytime I even attempted to lower her into a cot/carrycot/basket / whatever....

Without initially doing it to train her or anything, I have been putting her down to do small things now whilst she's awake whereas before I was fearful it'd turn into the screaming fit it always had, but I had to suck it up, I need to make myself a coffee! She's getting better at being awake in it for 2 whole minutes, when that increases, hopefully that translates to her sleep and if she wakes up she'd be less frantic and get back to sleep.

Although it was a desperate measure, cosleeping is lovely but it just worries me even with the precautions and I would like time alone with my husband at some point. I'll hold her however much she wants as they don't stay little long and I'll miss it some day but between bad sleep and cluster feeding, when she naps it seems like a good time for a break.

A SleepyHead (don't need to fork out for a new one either - loads on Gumtree and eBay)
I don't know of a single person who has one and says it doesn't work.
Makes them feel held whilst they sleep and not flailing around a big cot.
If you're going to co sleep still, then they're in a much safer environment next to you. Plus I know a few people have suggested rolled up towels but this is the actual solution to that as it's made of breathable material.
The company should pay me commission as I'm always raving about mine.
Expensive, yes, but so worth the pennies

Another one who found a sling helped with hands free napping - at about 12 weeks ds started to go to sleep in a bouncy chair that lies back and but I still find myself stuck on the sofa sometimes because he has fallen asleep mid feed and I just know he will wake if I lay him down. ..

Nighttimes we used a blanket rolled in a semi circle under the bed sheet (underneath so nothing loose in the cot) His bum rested on the ridge and it went up his sides a little bit. It was enough to stop him rolling and also meant we could raise the cot head - we realised that he hated being transferred to flat in his back in part because he had reflux so the tilt helped as did holding him upright for about 20min before attempting the transfer to the cot.

Sleepyhead is not a miracle for me. I can get baby to sleep in it/transfer him in, but he startles and wakes up very easily. The key for me was realising that my children have not read the guidelines, they are front sleepers, just like their dad. They only sleep well on their back next to me, on me or in the car seat.