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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how you got your baby to sleep without being held constantly?

74 replies

Meowstro · 13/09/2017 00:51

I have a 6 week old baby who will not sleep in her carry cot for naps (although will when it is attached to the pram only whilst moving did for her first week), nor her cot or next to me crib (which was a desperate buy). She rolls onto her side and has done since a week old, swaddles are now out of the question but she has worked her way out of them whilst in my arms anyway. We've been cosleeping now out of desperation but I'm worried about SIDS risks, even though I'm not a smoker, stay still, etc. and her sucking a dummy to sleep as well as being breastfed. She's started to roll into my arm like she would if I were cradling her and feeding her, even when she's not hungry at night. I've tried a cosymoov for naps to no avail. It's got to the point I've stopped trying the cot and crib once she's fallen asleep in my arms for fear she'll wake up again after trying to get her to sleep for so long. The startle reflex wakes her up within 5 minutes and nothing soothes her but being picked up. Thinking about it now, she hates being put down and cries instantaneously even when she can see my face less than 20cm and feel my touch.

I know I'm BU and aware of the 4th trimester but don't want the only sleeping whilst being held to be something that becomes hard to break habit. I am desperate to brush my hair properly during the day and to get dressed in actual going out clothes! Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Yerroblemom1923 · 13/09/2017 07:46

Potatoes, even! (I do wish MN had an edit option!)

PineappleScrunchie · 13/09/2017 07:46

I think you do have to live with it to some extent but could you get her off to sleep in the pram for naps? I rock them back and forth in the pram in the hallway then stop once they are actually asleep. Means I get some hands free time during the day. With dc2 he started taking 2hr naps in the pushchair pretty early on and then transferred to cot naps at 9m and still naps well at 3 so clearly didn't cause lasting problems. Dc3 (9m) is more of a work in progress but at least he's not napping on me all day.

NerrSnerr · 13/09/2017 08:07

The midwife suggested with us a hot water bottle in Moses basket & rolled up

I agree don't do this. There should be nothing in the crib/ Moses basket.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 13/09/2017 08:09

I've just gone through this- my baby is nearly 4 months now.

Definitely try a sling in the day. And keep putting her down briefly while awake, get a nice playmat if you haven't already as it won't be long before she starts to take an interest in the toys and will amuse herself briefly.

You could also try a baby swing- I got one £15 second hand so they don't need to be expensive. I've found that moving DD once asleep is a definite no-no, but I can get her to go to sleep for her first nap in the swing (swing on, dummy in, stay there til she's asleep) and then she'll sleep for 30 minutes ish.

Cosleep at night if that's what works, read up on safe co sleeping guidelines. Once DD was going to sleep by herself in the swing sometimes, I used the next to me crib to put her to bed in, using shh pat to get her to sleep. At first wake up I brought her into bed. When that was going well, I put her back in the crib and brought her into bed at the second wake up, then third...

Iusedtobeafreeelf · 13/09/2017 08:11

Don't beat yourself up. You are doing a fab job. I didn't brush my hair until ds was 10 weeks. I just tied it up wet! Mum bun!

LouBlue1507 · 14/09/2017 08:48

My DD is 14 mo and I still have my
Mum bun everyday Blush

Original poster
Meowstro · 14/09/2017 09:19

I can't really put her in one of those gro swaddle bags as she rolls. Recently, she managed to turn from feet to foot in her cot, in a sideways direction instead and got her feet stuck either side of the bars of her cot whilst still zipped in the bag. Not sure I can trust her in it, in the cot!

I tried the sling and she had the most hysterical meltdown Sad so like everything else, I'll have to keep working at it

Thank you to all who suggested DH get up earlier, an hour made all the difference.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 14/09/2017 09:37

To clarify the hot water bottle question - it's okay to use a HWB like a warming pan - put it into the cot to warm it slightly and then remove the hot water bottle before you put the baby down. Babies are not good at regulating their temperatures and actual contact with a hot water bottle is seriously dangerous for them and can even cause burns. Same for toddlers, I'm not sure at which age they become safe to use, but do be careful if you're planning to do anything like this.

kaytee87 · 14/09/2017 09:40

We had a vibrating bouncy chair thing that seemed to do the trick.

kaytee87 · 14/09/2017 09:41

Could you dh make you a sandwich before he goes to work so you can grab it quickly for lunch. Make sure you've always got a pint of water next to you as well especially as you're bf. You need to keep your strength up.

kaytee87 · 14/09/2017 09:42

You can also get swinging chair/crib things that are meant to be good

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 14/09/2017 14:41

Our DD was exactly the same. Safe co-sleeping and breastfeeding lying down saved our sanity! In the early days, DP and DM held her whenever they could so that I shower, get dressed etc. At 10.5 months she is now extremely independent during the day (but is still boobing all night long)! Smile

Lenl · 14/09/2017 17:07

Try not to worry about cosleeping. Follow the guidelines and it's no more risky than a cot. This link might be reassuring for you:

evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-risks-and-realities/

And guidelines if you need:

cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

Anything by James McKenna is a good read.

My two year old is still cuddled to sleep and likes to get in with us. My 12 week old has started very occasionally going in his cosleeper "drowsy but awake" which is something my first never did. They are all different.

The Gentle Sleep book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith is really worth reading both for reassurance about normal sleep and for tons of tips to promote sleep.

Skippydooda · 14/09/2017 17:46

On the sling point OP, my DS also was hysterical in it at 1st but I persevered with it for 2/3 weeks & he got used to it & now loves it. Even now he often cries for the first 1-2 mins but calms down when I get moving. Nobody warns you that not all babies immediately take to slings, but I wouldn't give up just yet!

ChocolateWombat · 14/09/2017 20:37

The question is are you happy co-sleeping? Do you want to stop doing this? I guess by your post that you do want to stop.

Can you get baby ready for bed by sitting in a darkish room and having a feed and cuddles....and as she becomes sleepy with yawns etc, gently move her into cot. You could try just sitting nearby and saying soothing things or having your hand on her tummy or nearby? You might need to try it every night for a few nights.

And another question - is she ready for sleep? All of this will be easier if she has fed well through the day and also if she has had some good sleeps through the day too - perhaps achieved through similar means.

You could look at this as you are simply going to accept the situation and co-sleep and cuddle and use a sling. That's great if you are happy with it. If you really don't like this, you can persevere with trying to get her to settle.

With the waking up to reflex movement - don't rush to the very first cry. Stop and count to 10. It's bizarre, but that can feel like absolutely ages if baby is whimpering, but when you count, you realise it really is only 10 seconds. Sometimes, even within that short burst they are already settling back down, but if you have already gone in or picked them up, may not. Some of babies self-settling is allowing them a bit of time and space to do it. Sorry if that is all blindingly obvious or doesn't sit easy with you, but just ideas.

TittyGolightly · 14/09/2017 21:05

Some of babies self-settling is allowing them a bit of time and space to do it.

At 6 weeks?!

BettyOBarley · 14/09/2017 21:07

I used white noise with both mine from birth and they have always been really good sleepers, both self settling and sleeping through from a few weeks old. Might have just been coincidence though!
The 3yr old is a crap sleeper now though so they always get you in the end! Grin

ChocolateWombat · 14/09/2017 21:10

Yes - I did refer to 10 seconds! Some people find it difficult to wait for more than 2 seconds before picking up or rushing in. I wasn't referring to leaving the baby for hours!
Self settling does involve 'self'. People sometimes forget that. The whole point about it is it's something the baby learns to do and isn't something someone else does for them. And I think that's what OP asked about. Lots of people are keen to move away from settling through pushing in the buggy or rocking or driving down the motorway or by feeding.

Of course, if OP doesn't want to do self settling, but to use all the things I've just mentioned, she can and loads of people are clearly really happy doing those things. All fine. Op can do that too. But she did ask about self-settling.

CatsCatsCats11 · 14/09/2017 21:17

Sleepyhead worked wonders for us with our DD.

ToothIess · 14/09/2017 21:20

I just put her down in the cot and she went to sleep Wink

But oh my goodness, has I already paid ten times overnight with my first. That one only ever slept on me when I was sat or lying down, never in the pram, chair and occasionally in the sling. Couldn't put him down.

Have you tried using one of your dirty pillow cases as the mattress cover for the carry cot/crib? So that baby can smell you!
Yes to heating the baby's cot with a hot water bottle. Obviously you take the water bottle out before putting the baby in...
A hat (if you keep the room cold) so the sensation of something on head.
Recording you singing or reading something.
Lullaby cd.
White noise cd.

ToothIess · 14/09/2017 21:20

Overnight?? I meant over!

ToothIess · 14/09/2017 21:22

Oh and if you don't want to co-sleep, putting the cot right next to your bed and sleeping with your hand through the bars of the cot holding baby's hand... I speak from experience, get some pillows to rest your arm on!

Thirtyrock39 · 14/09/2017 21:33

As much as I loved all the fourth trimester stuff and cosleot and did the sling by six weeks you can feel like you don't have a second not attached to the baby and it starts to feel relentless. What I did was try and get a gentle routine in so after an hour and a half to two hours after the baby woke up in the morning I'd go for a walk with the pram which would mean the baby would usually fall asleep and stay asleep for a good hour in the pram when we got home (could then wheel pram inside, have a shower, wash up etc) then a couple of hours after waking from that nap I'd feed in bed or another walk in the pram so that baby would sleep again. If you can do this at a roughly similar times you can then try putting in the cot as their body clock will expect to nap then

RainyDayBear · 14/09/2017 21:37

We used to preheat the moses basket with a hot water bottle. We had her in a sleeping bag from when she passed the 8lbs/9lbs mark (I forget which it is she had to be to use them) and that helped her as I think the difference in temperature change used to jolt her awake.

ChocolateWombat · 14/09/2017 21:48

Good ideas ThirtyRocks.

I think lots of people enjoy some co-sleeping or sling or whatever.....but can find it relentless at different points. It's okay to feel like that. It's okay to feel you might need a little bit of space and not everyone feels like they want to or can be attached to their baby 24 hours a day. Everyone has to find what works for them.

Personally I think that if you are attached to baby 24 hours a day, especially for a lomg period, of course it will be hard to start to get a bit of space and to give baby a bit more space. I think it is worth thinking about. I think lots of people love the idea of co sleeping a sling etc with their tiny baby, but the question comes exactly like the Ops, when at a few weeks or months people want a little bit of space, and not just for themselves, but because they think the baby will benefit too from being able to self settle, because ultimately it will mean the baby has longer, better sleep and is able to enjoy their awake time more too - win,win.

It is possible to just continue to co-sleep and sling it until the baby or child naturally stops themselves. Some people are absolutely fine with waiting to see when that is and finding it happens at 6 months or 1 year or 3 years or 5 years....they really don't mind how long it lasts. But the countless threads on here, show that many people get to a point where the child hasn't naturally stopped it themselves and people can become truly desperate.

Now clearly OP isn't in that position at all. She's happily looking at slings and various other methods and seeking advice about different things people have used which are parental AIDS to sleep, as well as self-settling. This baby is still very small and OP wants to give lots of cuddles and feeds and everything else.......but she already has an eye on 24 hour attachment not becoming a truly long term trend. The gentle suggestion of ThirtyRocks, in my view is a great way to just start moving things a little bit towards self settling. It's very gentle and there are lots of very gentle things that can be done, even at 6 weeks....and there's still loads of time every day for cuddles and feeds and everything else.