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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have a go at my neighbour over heating

145 replies

Firstimefreaked · 13/09/2017 00:20

I have a new born and I woke up earlier and the flat was warm so I opened my window which is a ground floor flat after about an hour it's boiling in the living room but I thought it could be hormones so Got the themomitor and measured the room temp it was nearly flipping 30 degrees which doesn't make sense as the neighbour is out and it 15 this eve...she left her heating on full blast even tho she's gone out probs since 3 ish and she's just gotten back would AIBU to have a go at her? All my windows are wide open and its 24 atm the baby was dangerously hot. There was probably cues that she was hot but I'm a first time mum and a bit naive I wil be more aware in the future but she was not wearing lots of clothes nor did I think her heating would be on when she was out on a reasonably warm day.

OP posts:
rightsofwomen · 13/09/2017 08:19

Wow, not a lot of empathy towards a first time Mother is there.

Flyingflipflop · 13/09/2017 08:20

New mum has something thats rattled her a little. Happens to a lot of new mums.

Turns to a parents support site for a bit of reassurance...... and promptly gets told she's immature, ludicrous and generally receives snide comments.

Theres straight talking and theres downright rudeness and nastiness. Some of you need to take a good look in the mirror.

FittonTower · 13/09/2017 08:22

It really might not be your neighbour's heating that has heated that room - my 2 yr olds room is always hot, I've had the radiator off for his whole life because it's never dipped below 25 even when it's below freezing outside. It is quite small but it absorbs heat from the rest of the house and faces South West with big windows so the Sun heats the room throughout the day and the very efficient double glazing keeps the heat in.
As pp have said plenty of babies around the world sleep in hot rooms - just make sure your not wrapping your baby up too warmly if he doesn't need it

treaclesoda · 13/09/2017 08:25

I think the lack of empathy is directly related to the wording of the OP. If I'd read 'should I have a chat with her about the heat?' I'd think 'ok, you're anxious'.

When I read 'should I have a go at her?' I just thought 'this is someone spoiling for a fight who wants strangers on the internet to justify it for her'.

pinkdelight · 13/09/2017 08:27

"I'm in tears giving her formula even tho she's meant to on bf now...."

I don't understand this bit or its relation to the heating. Heating-wise, I agree YABU but remember how easy it is to panic with a first baby so can understand that. Did your baby actually have a temperature though? Or was her body temperature normal? If her body temp was fine then apart from stripping off a few layers, you wouldn't have to do anything.

Esspee · 13/09/2017 08:28

I am concerned that you feel you have to give formula because of the temperature. If it is excessively hot then you can give boiled water or drink water yourself and nurse as normal. No need whatever to switch to formula.
If baby is formula fed boiled water between feeds is sensible if the temperature is excessively hot.
Why not pop baby in the pram and get out for some fresh air?

Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 13/09/2017 08:28

I don't think I'm going to read page two...after a good night sleep after my first day alone as OH is away for work I feel a lot better. Yes I was incredibly worried about my baby as she was over 38 degrees my OH sisters baby died from over heating. I was feeling slightly crabby as my lack of sleep more due to my neighbors fighting the previous mornings nt and they are currently screaming at one another as she wants new wall paper and won't go to wilkos.

OP posts:
LineysRunner · 13/09/2017 08:29

And posters have asked, very reasonably, what it is exactly that has caused the circumstances that the OP is wanting to 'have a go at' the neighbour about. No answer to that has been forthcoming. There has been lots of advice though about new-mum anxieties from some very nice posters.

FuzzyOwl · 13/09/2017 08:29

I wouldn't have a go at her especially since it might not be anything to do with her. New build properties often have very good insulation, especially if they are flats. I know a friend who lives in one and is always ridiculously hot without ever having the heating on and all her neighbours complain another being in the same situation.

It is worrying being hot with a baby but just make sure you have a thermometer in the rooms and dress accordingly, rather than what the weather is like outside. Congratulations on being a new mum.

LineysRunner · 13/09/2017 08:29

And x-posted with OP!

Coconutspongexo · 13/09/2017 08:30

I understand you're a first time mother but you're overreacting.

You can't really say anything to the neighbour about their heating as it's non of your business really and you certainly can't have a go. Your baby will be fine, rooms will get hot if it happens again take some layers off the baby.

Flyingflipflop · 13/09/2017 08:30

"I'm in tears giving her formula even tho she's meant to on bf now...."

I don't understand this bit or its relation to the heating.

Probably a good indication of someone struggling with a newborn?

PerfumeIsAMessage · 13/09/2017 08:31

Drip drip.

All's well with the world.

Coconutspongexo · 13/09/2017 08:31

Ok your update makes more sense.

Justdontknow4321 · 13/09/2017 08:32

Yabu - get a grip, you can't tell people how to heat there own flats.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 13/09/2017 08:33

I gave her cold formula from the fridge which helped a lot. That's more because I've been fighting to exclusively bf and my partner has been begging me to formula feed at night atleast yada (baby had low birth weight bad latch low blood sugars normal stress points so we had her on a lot of formula) etc more just a personal frustration in my sleep deprivedness I was waffling I didn't mean to upset anyone.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 13/09/2017 08:35

Fucking hell folk, op is a new mum who is struggling to feed and worried about her baby being too hot. The viciousness towards vulnerable people on this site is disgusting sometimes.
The midwives practically terrify you about over heating so I'm not surprised op is a bit worried.
Op your baby will be ok Smile
You could mention to neighbour in a casual way that you thought her heating might be broken or something.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 13/09/2017 08:36

Do people really sit on their phones/behind their keyboards and feel good about themselves when they bash people on here?

OP is a first time mum, who was on her own and panicked with a young baby. I would bet my left foot that every parent on here has had a similar newborn-related panic at some point. The hormones, the lack of experience and having a human dependent on you is scary and not everyone is perfect and knows how to react!

OP was scared, panicked and her instinct was to get angry, which is normal. She never said anything, posted on here and 99% of people were downright horrible.

Get a grip of yourselves.

I hope you're okay and feeling better after some sleep, OP Flowers

PerfumeIsAMessage · 13/09/2017 08:39

OP is a first time Mum who wants to "have a go" at a neighbour who may also be vulnerable, sick, elderly, but whatever she is, is unlikely to be responsible for the hot baby.

Yes, we all had first time mother panics (my own was a dash to the hospital with a "rash" that wasn't) I didn't feel the need to "have a go" at anyone about it.

If the OP's first reaction is to "have a go" then she needs to look at her anger issues quite honestly.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 13/09/2017 08:42

Would the OP have "felt good" if she'd gone round and shouted at her neighbour? Would all you fans have put your pompoms on and cheered her for her aggressive behaviour?

Yuck.

I hope when the neighbour comes round to "have a go" about screaming babies you'll be suitably sympathetic with her plight, but I doubt it.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 13/09/2017 08:42

Yeah, but she didn't "have a go" did she? She panicked, but posted on here instead and then went to bed!

God knows that I've been woken up my neighbours rowing at 2am and the temptation to chuck something at the wall is huge. Being sleep deprived and panicked is not a recipe for feeling calm and measured.

But of course everyone on Mumsnet is perfect and has never felt irrationally angry with anyone Hmm

MiddleClassProblem · 13/09/2017 08:42

If your baby was 38 degrees she has a temperature and probably has caught something. If your baby is under 3 months you should take her to the doctor (nhs guidelines) just to have a check up x

Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 13/09/2017 08:43

I think I will do after she's settled down after their current fight. I was already a worrier due to anxiety and after actually knowing someone who's baby died from over heating I did work myself up...I managed to cool the flat down by having the windows and doors open for 3 hours. It was 12 degrees outside and for some reason my flat was 30 and over in some rooms so her heating must be broken or something. Thank you for the good advice and kind words...I must say I'm glad I didn't read most of these last night some are just mean.

OP posts:
PerfumeIsAMessage · 13/09/2017 08:48

Is this the same neighbour you wanted to shop to the police for benefit fraud and who climbs over your shared wall and comes through your flat to get to their own and whose partner sells booze to the corner shop illegally?

You seem a tad obsessed with her tbh if it is.

MiddleClassProblem · 13/09/2017 08:49

Next time post in somewhere like chat, AIBU is about AIBU so you will get harsher responses. People will focus on the AIBU question rather than what you might be going through.

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