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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with flakey friend?

65 replies

Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 15:55

I've been friends with her since school but lost contact for a few years, as I went abroad to live and studying etc. We started to text again and arranged to go to the pub one night, which was lovely and really enjoyed it. She's a newly qualified teacher so she said we can meet again before she starts her job. So, I texted her a few times asking to meet and she was always 'busy setting up the classrooms' or 'at school'.

I only wanted to meet up for 1 evening, not all day. And told her this. This weekend, we arranged to go to the pub, then it came to Saturday so I text 'are we still going?' then she said 'I'm just taking a shower'..So, it gets to 6pm and hear nothing from her. So, I say 'are we still going?' and she says 'no, sorry got too much on for school'

I get that being a teacher is hard work, but AIBU to be pissed off at her flakey, unreliable behaviour?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 11/09/2017 15:58

She is probably super super busy right now with school stuff. Id give it longer before making too much of a judgement tbh

Remy66 · 11/09/2017 15:58

YANBU. I feel sympathy for her but she should really be letting you know in advance if her schedule is too tight to pull it off

Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 15:59

Yeah and I get that, but it's annoying how she said she'll meet me then cancels last minute without letting me know sooner?

OP posts:
Whosthemummynow · 11/09/2017 16:00

Being super busy doesn't give you cart blanche to be massively rude!!
Yanbu

Poshindevon · 11/09/2017 16:01

YANBU and she is not flakey she simply does not want to meet up.
I would not bother contacting her again.

milliemolliemou · 11/09/2017 16:01

She's probably too busy and v nervous but she should have let you know. I'd leave the next move to her.

Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 16:01

I don't feel like going out again or organising anything first now, I just feel like a mug waiting around for her

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 16:01

But I don't get why she doesn't want to meet as we got on so well when we met before

OP posts:
ChicRock · 11/09/2017 16:02

To me this sounds like one of those rekindled friendships where you've met up, had a catch up, it was all very nice, but as far as she's concerned she doesn't want to rekindle the friendship.

Who suggested meeting up again? It sounds like you did, and it's you doing all the chasing.

Sorry but I don't think she wants that level of friendship.

TimingIsEverything · 11/09/2017 16:02

That's really rude.

TimingIsEverything · 11/09/2017 16:02

Your friend is rude I mean OP

BenLui · 11/09/2017 16:03

It was very poor behaviour on her part. Busy doesn't negate the need for basic good manners and consideration.

I'd let her do the running and organisation of any future nights out.

Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 16:03

Well we live in the same village now, that's why we decided to meet in the first place. She also said we could go on a night out or day out together, but this never happened

OP posts:
Chapterandverse · 11/09/2017 16:04

If you hadn't have texted her she just wouldn't have showed up!

Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 16:04

I think I'm upset because I don't have loads of friends tbh around here

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 11/09/2017 16:05

To be honest, it sounds like she's not that interested in rekindling the friendship. I've had this where I've met up with people I was friends with at school and college, I think of you were that good friends you would have stayed in touch. Try not to take it personally, people change and their lives go in differing directions. I would just back off, if she really does want to meet up but is just busy then she'll get in touch.

VioletCharlotte · 11/09/2017 16:06

Just read your last update. It must be Harding you don't know many people, but try and look for ways to meet new friends rather than focusing your energies on rekindling an old friendship.

Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 16:07

But we got on so well before, and she was the one going on about us going on a night out or something then that didn't happen? Just seems so weird

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Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 16:08

I text her back on Saturday saying 'oh that's a shame, I thought we were, would have been nice to meet before you started your job' :s

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Branleuse · 11/09/2017 16:10

tbh, id get annoyed if someone kept texting me to meet up when id made it clear i had a lot on. Have you considered just talking by text or email for a while rather than demanding to meet face to face?

Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 16:12

Yeah but I only text her because we had a fun evening before, and she also said we could do it again before she started her job. I didn't say it in an annoying way.

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ConciseandNice · 11/09/2017 16:13

It's really rude. Instead of texting back that she was in the shower,?shencould have let you know then. At what point did she suddenly become busy with school stuff? When blow drying her hair. What an arse.

dolcezza99 · 11/09/2017 16:13

Sounds like she's just Not That Into You, OP. Maybe you thought you got on really well at the meet up but she didn't feel the same and was just being polite. I'd back off contacting her; she clearly doesn't want to meet up.

Giraffey1 · 11/09/2017 16:15

tbh, id get annoyed if someone kept texting me to meet up when id made it clear i had a lot on. Have you considered just talking by text or email for a while rather than demanding to meet face to face?

And I'd be annoyed if a friend kept agreeing to meet up and then dropped out at the last minute, sometimes without telling me.

I think some comproimise is needed here - she needs to grow some manners and you need to cut her a bit of slack - she's probably nervous about the start of temrm, new job and all that.

Original poster
Jellybeans90 · 11/09/2017 16:15

But why did she say that we could meet up again. That's the part I don't get at all.

OP posts: