Hair up - girl , hair down - boy ?

[thedinosaur]

A bit lighthearted as it doesn't really bother me just makes me a bit

My DS is 2 and has longer hair, (think suite life of Zack and Cody) it stops just as his tshirt collars start at the back.

Sometimes it's down and sometimes we put it up I suppose in a bit of a 'man bun' style. (Especially when he's running around to keep it out of his eyes)

These past few weeks I've noticed when we are out in public people refer to him as a boy if he has his hair down and as a girl if it's up. It happened about 3 times yesterday.
I don't really correct them as it's usually in passing e.g. Mum saying to her DS "watch out for that little girl" or yesterday he was playing football with a few older boys and some his age in the playground and chased on of the boys his age and the dad went "look at that little girl chasing after Jack".
I know it doesn't really matter that much but he was wearing jeans, trainers and a blue top with a dinosaur on it.
Yet people ONLY ever do it if his hair is up. When it's down he's always referred to as a boy.

AIBU to think that this is a little bit weird of an assumption to make based on a hair style?

"AIBU to think that this is a little bit weird of an assumption to make based on a hair style?"

If I was forced to decide I might well make the same decision. It's just more likely that a hair up child will be a girl.

Yanbu, my dd hates her hair up, but gets referred to as a boy even when wearing a dress

my DS 3 has long hair, down. Always gets referred to as a girl, even when wearing what would have looked like 'boy' clothes.

I wish I could get him to wear it up!

No it's not at all weird. A child with long hair in a bun or upstyle will 98 times out of a hundred be a girl. We make assumptions based on what is most likely, it's a very expected and sensible assumption to make.

and if it's in his eyes, cut it.

I wouldn't worry about it. My ds was referred to as a girl a couple of times as a baby even when dressed entirely in blue.

and if it's in his eyes, cut it.

It's only in his eyes if he has a bad hair day and is doing a lot of running around etc. Usually his fringe stays side swept and doesn't get in the way.
Plus he likes it up and me and DP think it looks lovely the length it is.

AIBU to think that this is a little bit weird of an assumption to make based on a hair style?

Not really, no

Unless you've lived your whole life with your eyes shut, you'll know that the majority of people who wear their hair up are female.

Erm, can't really decide if you're being unreasonable or not, but I have an almost 5yo DS with BEAUTIFUL long curly hair and people often assume he's a girl! I got his hair cut before he started school last week, and we briefly went into a shop afterwards, and while we were in there, he was referred to as a little girl 3 times! His hair isn't long enough to tie up, so it's always down. I am always being told by various people that he needs his hair cut, it drives me mad. People either seem to fall into the 'love it' camp or the 'cut it' camp, but the cut it people never make any secret about it We went to Florida recently, and before we went, a few family members just made the assumption that we'd have his hair cut short before we went, because apparently it was cruel to subject him to the Florida heat with his current hair?! Which is ludicrous! I didn't have my hair cut short before we went, and there were plenty of little girls there who were managing just fine with long hair. I think some people just don't get it for some reason!

Why does it matter what assumption strangers make of the gender of your child?

My youngest son has quite long hair too that we put up sometimes, he was born with loads and has always been referred to as a girl by most strangers since then. Usually they're embarrassed when I correct them but have had some say "oh someone should tell your mummy only girls have such long hair" even with DH and his shoulder blade length hair standing beside us 🙄 I do find it odd but mostly just brush it off. Only irritates me when people feel they have a right to say anything about it.

They just assume that because most of the time when you see a child with their hair tied up it's a girl. My brother wore a lot of pink hand-me-down clothes when he was little (lots of older sisters) and people always assumed he was a girl, because most children wearing pink will be girls. I don't think it's worth giving much thought to, tbh.

I often find myself saying "ds watch out for the other child!" if I'm not sure. A fairly safe fall back!

This weekend I seen/spoken to 3 adult males all with a 'man bun' its becoming much more common so maybe people might stop assuming you have to be a girl to put your hair up.

My boys both had long hair until they decided they wanted it cut. Cant remember anyone misteaking them for girls. I would have to say something if they had told me only girls should have long hair.

i do get annoyed that family and friends seem to make their first question when they see DS again 'when's he getting his haircut?'. I ask him and he says 'no haircut!'. Which is fine.

You are right it is really weird. I can understand long hair/short hair assumptions (because girls usually keep heir long while boys get hair cuts from an early age). But assuming that a child is a girl because their hair is up (as opposed to because it is long) is a bit odd. I just don't see the logic.

I often find myself saying "ds watch out for the other child!" if I'm not sure. A fairly safe fall back!

Unless the child identifies as a tree or something

But assuming that a child is a girl because their hair is up (as opposed to because it is long) is a bit odd. I just don't see the logic.

You can't see the logic in the fact the majority of people who wear their hair up are female?

By daughter can be in a pink dress with pig tails and STILL gets called a boy. People could be forgiven for the assumption in your DSs case. But it certainly is annoying

Small children don't really look that girl-ish/boy-ish so not so strange if people associate long hair in a bun with girls I suppose. Bit funny though that wearing the hair down isn't obviously gendered.

On a Swedish forum I used to hang out with a mother told the hilarious story of when her 2-year-old son was playing naked on the beach, wearing a "girlish" sun hat - big flowers, pink, something "girlish" anyway - and another, older little girl on the beach referred to him as "she" several times.

I'm wondering whether I am one of the Mums who mistook your child for a girl yesterday- DS almost knocked a smaller child over as he wasn't looking where he was going and I warned him to look out for the little girl, who I later realised was a boy with his hair in a bun.

The problem is, generally speaking you have to make a snap decision on whether to refer to a child as a boy or girl as shouting "what out for the child" doesn't sound right. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I get it wrong. DS has long hair so I don't assume everyone with long hair is a girl, but boys with hair up are in the minority so generally if I refer to them as a girl I will be right.

Yeah, well, long hair for men has been around for a while, but in our culture, men usually don't do anything with their long hair.

So that's likely why people see it that way.

AIBU to think that this is a little bit weird of an assumption to make based on a hair style?

Well, on one hand, it is, but on the other, many languages require that you make assumptions about the sex of a person if you want to talk about them and use pronouns.
So people have to guess one way or the other, and they'd obviously prefer to be correct.
Even if you hate gender stereotypes, you know that they exist, and most people act accordingly. People guessing that your child is a girl doesn't even have to mean they think boys shouldn't wear their hair up. Just that they know many people think that.

Meh. People thought DD1 was a boy until she was 2.5 if her hair was down and she was wearing dungarees or primary colours. I couldn't get upset about it. I think if it's something that upsets you it's better to either not have long hair or to be happy to gently correct people who get it wrong as some people will always assume girls will have long hair and be in pink frilly dresses and boys will have crew cuts and be dressed in blue!

I think long hair on boys is gorgeous. I bet he looks very cute.

Ive never seen a boy with his hair up so i can understand people thinking it's a girl. Sort of thing bullies would pick,up on i'd imagine.

On a Swedish forum I used to hang out with a mother told the hilarious story of when her 2-year-old son was playing naked on the beach, wearing a "girlish" sun hat - big flowers, pink, something "girlish" anyway - and another, older little girl on the beach referred to him as "she" several times.

A good example of how powerful gender stereotyping is.

I am shocked that it happened in Sweden. I thought that country was still relatively sane.
(In the US, I wouldn't have wondered one bit. The notion that someone with a penis can be a woman is law there.)

YABU & a bit of a hypocrite

Some people think hair equals gender clue but you think colours/dress style does:
but he was wearing jeans, trainers and a blue top with a dinosaur on it.