Hair up - girl , hair down - boy ?

[thedinosaur]

A bit lighthearted as it doesn't really bother me just makes me a bit

My DS is 2 and has longer hair, (think suite life of Zack and Cody) it stops just as his tshirt collars start at the back.

Sometimes it's down and sometimes we put it up I suppose in a bit of a 'man bun' style. (Especially when he's running around to keep it out of his eyes)

These past few weeks I've noticed when we are out in public people refer to him as a boy if he has his hair down and as a girl if it's up. It happened about 3 times yesterday.
I don't really correct them as it's usually in passing e.g. Mum saying to her DS "watch out for that little girl" or yesterday he was playing football with a few older boys and some his age in the playground and chased on of the boys his age and the dad went "look at that little girl chasing after Jack".
I know it doesn't really matter that much but he was wearing jeans, trainers and a blue top with a dinosaur on it.
Yet people ONLY ever do it if his hair is up. When it's down he's always referred to as a boy.

AIBU to think that this is a little bit weird of an assumption to make based on a hair style?

my boys have hair up for school, and down the moment they get through the gate.

One ignores any "girl" comments, the other tells them he's a boy and waits for the apology!

I must admit that puzzled me too Waddle.

I've seen hundreds of girls dressed like that during my lifetime, yet other than Sikhs, I've never seen a boy wearing his hair in a bun.

Why does your son need an apology if he's accidentally referred to as a girl? Is he insulted by the notion if being female?

My DS aged 3 has long hair and he is always being called girl in passing, even though he's wearing a very boyish outfit (I know in this day and age we're trying to get away from that but people do still think in colours/styles) I have never put his hair up as I know it would confuse people further! It's nothing personal, just people making a snap judgement. I wish boys with long hair were as accepted as teens/men with long hair. I feel like we're going to have to cut it before school even if he doesn't want to 

no, but adults invariably do apologise, so he waits for it to be said.
Though once he did say "if I was a girl I'd be wearing better colours than this!" (he had beige and brown on, I can see his point!)

My ds has a long hair, and often he is mistaken as a girl by strangers(at age of 9!) He doesn't care, since having long hair is his choice.

Little children are fairly androgynous so it's pretty normal that people do not systematically get the sex of your child right. I've made the mistake myself and there isn't really anything to be embarrassed about. Lots of little girls with shoulder length hair like to run round in jeans and dinosaur tops as do boys.

A good example of how powerful gender stereotyping is.

Isn't it? I sometimes think that children are more susceptible to stereotyping too - they need to make sense of the world and tend to stick to "rules". Which is why gender stereotyping is so damaging.

I am shocked that it happened in Sweden. I thought that country was still relatively sane. No place is safe. ;) When it comes to clothes Sweden is not very progressive at all I have to say, not on the whole.

"if I was a girl I'd be wearing better colours than this!" (he had beige and brown on, I can see his point!)

That's pretty ironic and no less gender stereotypical than assuming he's a girl. The phase is very similar to "if you were a boy, you'd have shorter hair." As plenty of men/boys wear purple and pink for example.

if its in his eyes cut it

would you say the same of a girl?

sort of thing bullies pick up on, i'd imagine

well, perhaps we should teach people not to bully?!

Is everyone on their period here lately or something?? It was only a question!
OP, my son was always mistaken for a girl when he had long hair when he was young. hardly ever wore it up, but it didn't seem to matter. I do think a PP had it right when she said putting long hair up doesn't seem to be a man thing to do, look how much stick the 'man bun' gets off people! or david beckham when he wore a headband. So in some respects I can see why people might assume he was a girl.

I have a son with long hair who is regularly referred to as a girl whether his hair is up or down. He often wears his in a top knot thing like a famous footballer, I've forgotten his name. I haven't noticed more or less comments depending on whether his hair is up or down. But it doesn't bother him so it doesn't bother me.

People are generally lazy I think, or they don't pay that much attention. So they see a young child figure who could be a boy or a girl and make an assumption that one with long hair or hair in a bun will be a girl, or one wearing a blue t-shirt with a dump truck on it will be a boy.

Yes it's gender stereotyping or whatever, but you know, life is short. People are lazy and busy and not very interested in other people.

"if its in his eyes cut it

would you say the same of a girl?"

I certainly would. I hate long, floating hair on little girls. It gets in their way and focuses attention on appearance.

You are upset by people making assumptions based on hair style but YOU are making assumptions based on clothing. Why is a top with a dinosaur "boys" clothing?

I wouldn't expect a child with their hair in a bun to be a boy. You calling it a "man bun" doesn't actually differentiate it from the far more usual "girl bun".
Wtf is a man bun...

would you say the same of a girl?

Yes, of course. Why would you let any child go around with their hair in their eyes?

at wornoutboots ds's waiting for their apology! I presume they're left waiting?

As we become more inclusive about how people identify themselves it leads to all sorts of confusion, so people pick the easiest and most likely option. So if a child looks like a girl people are going to assume it is. After all a lot of girls wear blue.

I have made that mistake before in a hospital waiting room when DD started playing with a beautiful toddler with very long hair. I got chatting to the mum and found out the child was a boy. I apologised and the mum was fine with it.

I once mistook a boy in a pink 'girl's' top with 'girl's' hairclips in for a girl and said something like 'let the little girl have a look too' to DD. The people he was with didn't say anything to me but suddenly kept using his name (William) an awful lot. I didn't apologise because I didn't want to make an issue of it and he was little anyway and didn't notice. I don't have any issues at all with children wearing whatever clothes they like. The grandparents or whoever they were referred to DD as 'the little girl' though despite her wearing dark clothes and a unisex coat, which I thought was a bit presumptuous in the circumstances! I'd not used her name.

the other question of course is why you mind him being identified as a girl? What's sp wrong with being a girl?

This pisses me off DS 27 had hair just past his nipples until last year. And I have very short hair.

I have noticed more of an association with hair up = girl / hair down = a bit more ambiguous. It's not really a surprise though.

I agree with posters upthread that it is unbelievably irritating how many people's first comment on seeing my boys is "when are they getting that hair cut". When they want to.

I did find it funny how many long haired men at a festival assumed my boys were girls though

well, perhaps we should teach people not to bully?!
We do but it still happens.

You're just as bad! You assume that people should know your child is a boy because as you say he was wearing jeans, trainers and a blue top with a dinosaur on it.

Six of one and half a dozen of the other.

If you're in an Indian area it's the opposite. Up for a boy, down or in a plait for a girl.