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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think ds is highly unlikely to achieve either of these ambitions?

64 replies

theduchessstill · 10/09/2017 14:14

He is in Y6 and wants to play cricket for England after university and to become chancellor of the exchequer when he retires from cricket.

He currently plays for a local team and is considered to be pretty good afaik, but I imagine that if he had a potential career ahead of him he should already have been 'spotted' by the county.

At school he is a high achiever and was graded 'above expectations' in everything at his last report, but I don't think he's exceptional and other children have certainly caught up with him since he started school (he was considered to be exceptional then I think).

He will practise his cricket for hours on end, but is less keen on school work outside of school. I have to battle with him to do homework and music practice and he reads far, far less than he used to. He loves the idea of going to university and was very excited to learn that the subject economics exists at A level, and that there is a magazine called The Economist, but he doesn't really seem to want to out the work in to get there - or not outside school hours anyway.

Both these careers are dominated by people who went to public schools and, as a divorcee who is very busy and stressed most of the time, I don't feel I am very good at providing him with the stimulation and encouragement/support he needs to overcome the odds. I have really let him down over the last few years and his dad is pretty useless - the dc spend most of their time there on screens.

Obviously I haven't said this to him and have made the right noises when he has spoken to me about these ambitions, but AIBU to think he is highly unlikely to get there in reality due to his background?

OP posts:

Albinohedgehogs · 10/09/2017 14:16

At least he knows what he wants then he'll get somewhere close :)

Ecureuil · 10/09/2017 14:17

I think a lot of 10-11 year olds have ambitions that are fairly unlikely to happen TBH. I wanted to be prime minister for quite a long time but for various reasons it hasn't happened . I managed to do alright for myself regardless though!
All you can do is carry on encouraging him and providing him with tools to succeed.

hula008 · 10/09/2017 14:18

I think encouraging him to continue with hobbies and having goals and dreams is good - it doesn't really matter if they are unrealistic (someone's got the be chancellor of the exchequer - plus he's only 10 😂)

I think what's more significant is being seen as "exceptional". I was an "exceptional" child and "one of the brightest in the class in Y6", but not as I continued on. I peaked early and felt and continue to feel massive jealousy when someone does better than me or achieves something before me because I was always told I was the best and the smartest.

Eolian · 10/09/2017 14:18

Umm... a) he's in year y6 b) the chances of him playing cricket for England and then becoming chancellor of the exchequer are approximately zero whatever his background.

studentstudentstudentstudent · 10/09/2017 14:19

Oh gosh in the nicest possible way, he's in year 6! I have no doubt he may be able to do either/both of those things but he has a lot to come - GCSEs, A levels, degree, the fight for a graduate job... And it's so difficult at that age to know what you want to do anyway, the motivation may wane and he may find himself following a different course entirely.

You sound like you're doing your best, so keep doing what you're doing and supporting him

EdmundCleverClogs · 10/09/2017 14:21

I think you're both forgetting that he's only 10/11 and has a few years of changing his mind yet, and you're looking at it negatively. Being realistic doesn't mean having to shoot down any dreams, but it is a good opportunity to instil a 'anything worth doing involves a lot of hard work and commitment' mantra.

If he wants to be really good at cricket, what did his 'heroes' do to get to a professional level? If he wants to work in government, what grades are expected of him? Read up on the people who have these jobs, fully understand that (rarely) anyone who is good at something only are so though extra hard work and commitment.

SerfTerf · 10/09/2017 14:23

Do you usually take things this literally/seriously?

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 10/09/2017 14:26

I work in politics (not as the chancellor of the exchequer ) and I don't think politicians are especially exceptional people.
The ones that do well tend to be guys who can get on with other people and form alliances, who are willing to put in very long days and who don't mind being public property.
There's no reason he couldn't get there one day even if he's not "exceptional" or posh or privately educated.
What's more likely I guess is that he'll have an ordinary job, hopefully in something he's interested in and which pays the bills. Because that's what happens to most people

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2017 14:27

Ach this is common. At all ages. My daughter after her firs year of law decided she wished to be the first female labour prime minister. She's not talking about that ambition so much now and more focused on a realistic career path. .

Don't worry about it, he will grow up.

converseandjeans · 10/09/2017 14:28

I think it's great he has some ambition. I clicked on here thinking it was going to be 'famous youtuber'. Don't dampen his enthusiasm! Also don't assume single Mum = never going to do something amazing. Pretty sure Obama came from a similar background & he became President of the US.
In terms of the cricket - maybe see if you can get him involved at a higher level. He might be good enough & it doesn't hurt to try. What has he got to lose? They might not send scouts round like they do for footie.

coldcanary · 10/09/2017 14:33

Does he play at league level? That tends to be where the spotting for county comes in. If he's been put forward for a league side and is good then he stands a chance if he has what the scout is looking for - and year 6 certainly isn't too old for that.
County trials are tough - DS's was a week long in year 8 and they were expected to work and compete hard. He didn't get picked in the end then had a bad injury that put him out for a full season which put an end to any ambition he had of taking it further.

Bubble04 · 10/09/2017 14:33

My DS is similar. Wants to play cricket for England or be prime minister.
Does it matter that it might not happen? Not really. I love that he has dreams and ambitions. While he trains for cricket he is learning resilience, perseverance and teamwork. Even if he doesn't make it as a professional he will always benefit from these skills.
With regards to the cricket, some local clubs don't know how the league/district/county systems work, so if he is talented and wants to go further I would google these and email coaches to ask when trials are. We had to do that, and now our son plays county.

coldcanary · 10/09/2017 14:35

I missed out district
After 3 bloody years of trailing around the north west you'd think I'd remember that 🙄

SaucyJack · 10/09/2017 14:35

I am a short, white female from the Home Counties.

When I was your son's age, I wanted to be Mr T and still do.

Try not to take everything a child says seriously

JennyOnAPlate · 10/09/2017 14:39

I think it's pretty normal to have such aspirations at his age. Every ten year old boy I know thinks he's going to be a professional footballer. I'm pretty sure precisely 0% of them will actually achieve that particular ambition!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 10/09/2017 14:47

What are his leanings - Tory, Labour, UKIP, Green, Lib Dem???

Beeziekn33ze · 10/09/2017 14:48

Long ago I knew a ten year old whose bedtime reading was economics textbooks. He became quite wealthy but this was achieved one step at a time. He does not live in Downing Street!
Tell your son that if he is eventually aiming for a good university it's not too early to put effort into his homework.
You've had some excellent advice about the steps to county cricket from previous posters whose DC have travelled that route. However far he gets he can enjoy cricket all his life.
He sounds to have plenty of opportunities and interests, the next big step will be secondary school next year, all the best to you both.

nokidshere · 10/09/2017 14:51

Both my boys are talented cricketers and have always had ambitions of playing for England. They know now at 16 & 18 that they aren't going to but they still talk about doing it, despite knowing that they never will as they are too lazy to put in the massive amount of hours and training required

Let him dream to his hearts content and, as someone upthread said, show him what he needs to do if he is really serious about it.

My sons will always play cricket, they love it and that's no bad thing but at least now they are looking at other jobs too!

GetOutOfMYGarden · 10/09/2017 14:51

He's 10 or 11. He's not supposed to have had his spirit crushed to the point where he reckons only a few things are possible Let the lad dream and do your best to help him succeed despite the odds. Encourage him academically, and in his sport, and praise him for his motivation with cricket.

JohnHunter · 10/09/2017 14:51

I don't know about being a professional cricketer but, looking at the current state of the front benches, I wouldn't reject his chances of becoming Chancellor.

Copperbeech33 · 10/09/2017 14:53

well, if he is interested in economics, there are things you can do to encourage this, there are children's books on money, there are visits like the bank of england, houses of parliament, etc. He doesn't have to reach the top of his areas of interests to live a full and successful life, its just nice to support his ambitions though.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 10/09/2017 14:53

SaucyJack
You ain't getting on no damn fool plane.

LaughingElliot · 10/09/2017 14:58

He sounds like a great kid. Mine wants to be a part time magician. Kinda hoping he upgrades that a little as he gets older.

Original poster

theduchessstill · 10/09/2017 15:00

Thank you for the replies. I suppose it does sound a bit silly now I read it back, but the dc are at their dad's and I'm having one of those bleak 'where did it all go wrong?' type moments and have latched onto this as being one of the awful consequences of my marriage break-up and the kind of life we have now. Or something .

I think the team he is in plays in a league, but it's really his dad's thing he does with him. In a way I don't want to interfere and advise on next steps as I'd probably be told to butt out! Nice to know it's not too late though.

I do use these conversations to talk about hard work etc, I just hope his motivation increases next year.

He would definitely be a Labour chancellor, whoever asked that .

OP posts:

JayZed · 10/09/2017 15:00

Tbf I still wanted to be a dog until High School at least he doesn't aim to change species

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