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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think ds is highly unlikely to achieve either of these ambitions?

64 replies

theduchessstill · 10/09/2017 14:14

He is in Y6 and wants to play cricket for England after university and to become chancellor of the exchequer when he retires from cricket.

He currently plays for a local team and is considered to be pretty good afaik, but I imagine that if he had a potential career ahead of him he should already have been 'spotted' by the county.

At school he is a high achiever and was graded 'above expectations' in everything at his last report, but I don't think he's exceptional and other children have certainly caught up with him since he started school (he was considered to be exceptional then I think).

He will practise his cricket for hours on end, but is less keen on school work outside of school. I have to battle with him to do homework and music practice and he reads far, far less than he used to. He loves the idea of going to university and was very excited to learn that the subject economics exists at A level, and that there is a magazine called The Economist, but he doesn't really seem to want to out the work in to get there - or not outside school hours anyway.

Both these careers are dominated by people who went to public schools and, as a divorcee who is very busy and stressed most of the time, I don't feel I am very good at providing him with the stimulation and encouragement/support he needs to overcome the odds. I have really let him down over the last few years and his dad is pretty useless - the dc spend most of their time there on screens.

Obviously I haven't said this to him and have made the right noises when he has spoken to me about these ambitions, but AIBU to think he is highly unlikely to get there in reality due to his background?

OP posts:

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 10/09/2017 15:02

At the end of yr6 dd was convinced she wanted to be a vet and had done for some time. A year later and a couple of inspiring teachers means that she now thinks she might have lawyer as a fall back option 😁. Let them aim high at this stage!

Floralnomad · 10/09/2017 15:02

Makes a change from all the boys who say they want to be a footballer .

MintTeaLady · 10/09/2017 15:03

When I was 11, I was determined to be Chancellor of the Exchequer when I grew up, along with being a published author and a headmistress. I felt like there was nothing standing in my way. I remember a lot of polite laughter from teachers and my family, but mostly encouragement - that even if I didn't achieve those things specifically, working really hard would mean I would be successful anyway. Of course, so far, I'm not any of those things but I'm still as ambitious and determined in my career.

In your shoes, I would definitely encourage him to dream big and work hard. Best of luck to him!

EdmundCleverClogs · 10/09/2017 15:05

I'm pretty sure precisely 0% of them will actually achieve that particular ambition!

Who knows? I grew up in the arse-end of nowhere, nothing much to 'encourage talent' in young kids. One of our local 'boys' now plays Premier League/International footballer another a Rugby Union/International player.

It can happen, with enough focus and determination (and obviously talent in that area).

YetAnotherSpartacus · 10/09/2017 15:06

He would definitely be a Labour chancellor, whoever asked that

That was me. I suggest that you (I'm only partly joking) get him interested in Young Labour, which he can join in four years time. Meanwhile, encourage his interest in economics - maybe take him on appropriate excursions to Houses of Parliament or the Museum of Working Class history, etc. If he was a Tory I'd suggest you suggest he goes to live with his Dad.

I don't know anything about cricket.

Does he like cats? I believe this is a positive on one's CV these days.

BenLui · 10/09/2017 15:06

Surely you just do what everybody does and say "that's a wonderful ambition sweetheart, it will require a lot of hard work so make sure you study hard and do all your homework"

A friend of mine has a child who wants to be an astronaut. I'd be deeply surprised if that particular child would pass the personality screening. What would be the point of saying that though?

I have no doubt that his interest in STEM subjects will lead him to a more suitable career path in due course.

citychick · 10/09/2017 15:06

Floralnomad - completely agree!

Our DS think she he's going to play for Arsenal.

Deep down he knows he's absolutely no chance. DH is a Man U fan for starters

It's good to have dreams and aspirations. I wouldn't stress too much, but I would support and encourage his talents so far as you are able.

Godotsarrived · 10/09/2017 15:07

My daughters friend wanted to be an opera singer and a midwife... at the same time my daughter wanted to be a "chocolate factory"... they both grew up to have the beginnings of good careers... but no babies, music or chocolate in sight... they are only 20 so there is still hope for the chocolate...

SilverySurfer · 10/09/2017 15:11

Providing he doesn't want to follow in the footsteps of the economically illiterate Gordon Brown. His ambitions are great, good luck to him.

SometimesMaybe · 10/09/2017 15:20

Aw this is brilliant, good for him. Aim high that's what I say!

EllieMentry · 10/09/2017 15:21

It's lovely that he has dreams and ambitions. Why not? Someone will get to do those things and it's great to strive for things you want to achieve.

One of my children played sport at international level right up to adulthood. It was an amazing journey and one that has brought lots of positive skills and experiences.

DC wasn't at a level to be able to make a living from it and is now enjoying a different career but doesn't regret it at all.

Trampire · 10/09/2017 15:33

Well, I went to a big standard comp in darkest Wales in the 80's. A good friend of mine said he wanted to be in Parliament. Preferably the cabinet.
Teachers dud laugh at him a little. Especially as he was a very young (deeply unpopular with the youth of the day) Tory.

He worked his way up. Joined the Young Conservatives. Managed to get out forward as an MP in the 2010 election, and won. He's still there and doing well. He may well get into the Cabinet yet.

You can achieve anything.

herecomesthsun · 10/09/2017 15:38

I came from a poor background. I was lucky and went to Oxford. One of my contemporaries made it into senior level politics, also from a poor background. It is really quite possible this person might be a Chancellor of the Exchequer one day - and someone has to do it! as was said earlier. It was very moving to meet this person decades on and remember the passionate teenage idealist they had been.

Having parents who encourage you to believe that it is right to aim high is really helpful, and also having the emotional resources to cope with failure and pick yourself up and start again, this is very important. Sport is good for that.

Being able to get on with people and form alliances is indeed hugely important in life generally. And so is hard work!

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/09/2017 15:39

I think I remember hearing or reading Theresa May wanted to be pm from an early age. Or even the first female pm as a child (pre Maggie). I'm sure your son couldn't make a worse job of it....

ErrolTheDragon · 10/09/2017 15:40

Unlikely, to be sure - but more likely than if he didn't have these ambitions.

Ohyesiam · 10/09/2017 15:42

Dreaming big is really really important for kids.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 10/09/2017 15:44

He won't necessarily have been spotted in cricket at such a young age. A 16yo was recently spotted by his county and is now playing county cricket, they'd never heard of him before.

Does your county run any cricket courses? Our have courses starting next week with the county coaches and they are open to anyone, well anyone who can pay...

HeteronormativeHaybales · 10/09/2017 15:52

He sounds great!

(Am I the only one who doesn't fancy the idea of her dc becoming chancellor, or any prominent politician? The stress, the public opprobrium, the terrorism risk...).

Encourage his ambitions without pushing, talk to him about current affairs, give him access to a wide range of opportunities, talk about applying himself and about those prepared to put in the grind being more likely to succeed than the 'exceptional' but lazy, encourage him to love his sport at whatever level he does it. I'm sure he'll go far and his ambitions will change over time.

Floralnomad · 10/09/2017 15:56

OP have a look at your local county cricket club and see if they hold trials , many will have scouts but many also run trials that children can attend provided they fulfill certain criteria e.g. Go to a county school , play for a club in the county .

EastMidsMummy · 10/09/2017 15:56

John Major was Chancellor. Modest background, modest personality. It could happen.

Falconhoof1 · 10/09/2017 16:04

My DD wanted to be a professional ice skater at that age. She's just had a few lessons and was ok at it but not brilliant. She's gone off that idea now. I wanted to be a pop star. Didn't happen either but I'm over it now...

iseenodust · 10/09/2017 16:19

I spent this morning with DS at county cricket trial. He is going into yr9 and has not been asked to go to a trial before. I happened to sit with a couple of other parents whose boys had also never gone to a trial before. Who knows if any of them will get in but they were all pleased to have been asked (and there was no cost to attend). So I would say from yr6 there is plenty of time.

viques · 10/09/2017 16:22

One thing you CAN do is look at your local secondary schools. Which ones take sport seriously, especially cricket.. would you be prepared to sacrifice something eg apply to a school with a harder journey, to support his cricket?

BikeRunSki · 10/09/2017 16:34

My Y4 DS wants to be world downhill mountain bike champion. If this encourages him to get out on his bike, I'm not going to stop him.

I once saw an interview with Robbie Williams, where he was asked, why he thought he'd been so successful. He replied "Because I've never tried to do anything else". He meant that he'd put all his effort into singing and dancing. He'd spent hours on the club circuit and so on. He'd been able to put so much time into showbiz precisely because he wasn't also studying accountancy, or doing a plumbing apprenticeship as a back up. England will have a cricket team, and the UK will have a Chancellor of the Exchequer - why shouldn't it be your DS?

Nuttynoo · 10/09/2017 16:43

Hmm I'm sure a 10 yo Barack Obama/Benazir Bhutto/Maggie Thatcher/Indira Gandhi's parents felt the same about their ambitions. Your job as a parent is to support him not talk him out of his goals. Teaching a 10 yo to be 'realistic' is basically telling them to fall in line.

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