To think ds is highly unlikely to achieve either of these ambitions?

[theduchessstill]

He is in Y6 and wants to play cricket for England after university and to become chancellor of the exchequer when he retires from cricket.

He currently plays for a local team and is considered to be pretty good afaik, but I imagine that if he had a potential career ahead of him he should already have been 'spotted' by the county.

At school he is a high achiever and was graded 'above expectations' in everything at his last report, but I don't think he's exceptional and other children have certainly caught up with him since he started school (he was considered to be exceptional then I think).

He will practise his cricket for hours on end, but is less keen on school work outside of school. I have to battle with him to do homework and music practice and he reads far, far less than he used to. He loves the idea of going to university and was very excited to learn that the subject economics exists at A level, and that there is a magazine called The Economist, but he doesn't really seem to want to out the work in to get there - or not outside school hours anyway.

Both these careers are dominated by people who went to public schools and, as a divorcee who is very busy and stressed most of the time, I don't feel I am very good at providing him with the stimulation and encouragement/support he needs to overcome the odds. I have really let him down over the last few years and his dad is pretty useless - the dc spend most of their time there on screens.

Obviously I haven't said this to him and have made the right noises when he has spoken to me about these ambitions, but AIBU to think he is highly unlikely to get there in reality due to his background?

Ghandi and Bhutto were from political dynasties, they were following in the family footsteps, but yes, children need to be encouraged to dream big and work for their goals.

Kids never say ' I want to work as a mid level manager in an office' or I want to be a cleaner so I can fit around kids school hours' etc. Everyone aims for the stars, 1% make it to where they want to be through a combination of opportunity, luck and hard work. The other 99% settle on something less (but often equally worthy)
At 10 we don't have any way of knowing who will make it and who won't so I think we should encourage them and provide all the opportunities possible (who think our means to provide)

At 10 they should be dreaming big, they will soon grow up and real life will take over. I'm 36 and still dream of being lots of things!!

With cricket it is still common enough to go to a good uni which plays to a high standard. It's changing a bit but it's not yet like the football where players who are good enough to go pro don't carry on with education post 16. A degree in economics would help with many careers too

My ds wanted to be a car mechanic and play for Sunderland at the weekend
He was also going to marry Zoe Pepper

@herecomesthsun - Gandhi and Butto were also women and of generations where girls were married by 13-18 (even amongst the rich).

Aim for the moon, and if you miss you will land with the Stars as they say.
Bit cheesy I know, but applies.

Having these ambitions are fine and laudible. Achieving noth or eithet will require lots of very hard work, sacrifice and huge slice of luck. Mot necessary to be an economist to be Chancellor - the economists in the Treasury do all the hard work - I used to be part of Govt economic service. The question for him is is he willing to pit in all the hard work required.

It's wonderful to have ambition and goals to aim for. So few people do. You should nurture and support this, not poo-poo it even in your head.

When I was a little older than your DS, I wanted to be an Astronaut. I was very serious about it, and it motivated me to do Physics and Maths. I didn't become an Astronaut, but was always grateful that my dad supported me and for what I learned as a result.

They're perfectly reasonable ambitions for a 10yo.

I did find it very interesting in dd2's leavers' book they'd written what they intended to be when they grew up.
The number of boys (including those who have never really played) who wanted to be footballers, and a girl who (by her own request) never would say a word in assemblies and wrote she was going to be an actress in Hollywood.

This is the time they can dream without having to be realistic. Give them a couple of years and they'll be out of that.

Ds varies between telling people he's going to be a Red Arrows Pilot who also flies Spitfires through living in the Antarctic studying the wildlife (and having his own private plane and a husky team) to being a footballer.

At that age dd2 was going to run away and join the circus (not as off the wall as it sounds as she was performing with a circus group that summer)

And dd1 was going to be a teacher.

Dd1 has definitely changed from that, and I suspect dd2 is less keen now too!

Duchess. It was pretty clear from your OP that this was about you, not him. Crystal clear from your update.

It's tough when you feel you've let them down & life's not going how you had it planned.

But you have a boy with ambition & interests in life beyond his iPad, that's no small achievement! It's even more important than doing homework! The 11 yo here is lucky in that she does well naturally, like your DS. I have been drilling it into her that these things change & at some point things will require effort & therefore it's important to learn to study, to learn to challenge herself and be organised etc. I'm pretty sure it's falling on deaf ears currently, but hopefully it'll start to seep in!

The Economist has a special offer on, £12 for 12 weeks. Why not get that? It might get him reading a bit & it'll show you're taking him seriously. You can cancel it after that. 12? Issues will keep him busy for a good while!

I think it is far easier to end up in the right circles if you attend the right schools, but would you have sent him to those schools if you hadn't got divorced?

Probably not, so stop beating yourself up 💐

As for the cricket, could you not talk to your ex & see what you can both do to get DS the opportunities he needs?

If he wants to play cricket, find him a good local club to join. There are clubs all over the country and they are usually very welcoming to kids from all backgrounds. He won't need lots of expensive kit at his age, either. If he's keen, enthusiastic, wants to work hard and shows a bit of talent they will make sure he gets the coaching he needs. If he's good, he will be noticed.

It isn't necessary to go to public school to become a cricketer. Several members of the current England team went to comps eg Jimmy Anderson, Moeen Ali, Chris Woakes.

In lreland when we recently got a new Prime Minister his dm said on the news he had announced when he was about 10 that he was going to be Prime Minister and here he is now. So you never know.
When my ds was 18 l asked him when he realised he was never going to play for lreland ( a long held ambition) ..he looked at me agast and said l havent realised it yet!! He was playing on a small local team .
Dreams are good. Best advice my ds with big interest in economics was read the paper every day which he has done sine about 9.

And to win a Nobel Prize in his spare time, I suppose?

He sounds like one to be proud of!