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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dd just told me she doesn't believe in father christmas. I feel really sad.

146 replies

jmh740 · 09/09/2017 21:19

Randomly chatting watching x factor and 10year old dd said she doesn't believe in father christmas any more. I feel quite sad it's like the magic has gone, I've told her not to tell her 8 year old brother. Half of me thinks I should have tried to convince her he does I was just a bit shocked it came from nowhere.

OP posts:
deadringer · 10/09/2017 11:53

My older dc believed until they were 10 or 11 they are all intelligent, well educated adults now, not remotely gullible. Youngest is 8 and still 100% believes. Maybe I am just very convincing Smile My uncle hung up a stocking every year until he died in his 80s.

2ducks2ducklings · 10/09/2017 11:57

I'm really quite sad that people can question the IQ of children just because they do or don't believe in this.
I'm probably going to get absolutely flamed here, but here goes... I should put a disclaimer that I have absolutely no issue with whatever religion you and your children chose to follow, but personally, I'm not a religious person in the slightest. To me, it's more incredible that children and adults can completely and utterly follow the 'teachings' of people who, to me, are as mythical as FC. Plus I can't remember the last time terror attacks were carried out in the name of Father Christmas!
My children are 9 and 12. My son recently said he doesn't think FC is real and I have tried not to convince him either way. I'm fairly certain my
12 year knows but would never admit it. In fact she and a 14 year old son of a friend of mine both said last night that they still want to come to the traditional visit to Santa this year.
I genuinely don't get the shock of people at children still believing in this. I bet these people are the ones disapproving of other parents letting their 12 year old daughters wear belly tops etc because 'they're still children, don't you know'.
Whenever my kids ask if I believe in FC, I always say 'I believe in the magic of Father Christmas'.
I'm proud that my children aren't tainted by the world enough just yet that they have lost all of their innocence.

Floralnomad · 10/09/2017 11:59

Ok , genuine question , we only ever did FC as a fantasy story , have always had a magical Christmas without him etc however on these threads I often see people say the dc play along to get extra presents . Does this really mean that when your dc stop believing you buy them less or is that a load of rubbish .

NikiBarbie · 10/09/2017 12:01

I was 6 the last time I believed. Id wager her 8 yo brother doesnt believe either

A1Sharon · 10/09/2017 12:02

These threads always amaze me. I must live in a very sheltered part of the world. It's quite normal where I live for children to still believe at 10yo.
I know plenty who still believed at 11. And one boy was told before he went to secondary school, and he is a very cool, rugby type lad.
Some kids just believe!
My 10yo son burst out crying this Easter when he discovered the Easter bunny wasn't real. I could see the realisation spread across his wee face and he just dissolved...it was awful.

Copperbeech33 · 10/09/2017 12:05

My 10yo son burst out crying this Easter when he discovered the Easter bunny wasn't real. I could see the realisation spread across his wee face and he just dissolved...it was awful.

see, I just don't understand why they are lied to in the first place. Makes no sense at all to me.

EastMidsMummy · 10/09/2017 12:06

I'm proud that my children aren't tainted by the world enough just yet that they have lost all of their innocence.

Er, you just said you don't think your 9 or 12 year olds believe in Father Christmas. Of course they don't, if they're reasonably intelligent. Good for them.

What's that got to do with being "tainted by the world"? What are you talking about?

Remy66 · 10/09/2017 12:08

I stopped believing quite young (before I was in primary school certainly) but never told my parents. I still haven't (I'm in my 50s) Blush

Hulder · 10/09/2017 12:09

I'm always puzzled at these threads as what children will say to their parents - having figured out no Santa = no presents, will often be completely different to what they say to their friends/other adults having known about Santa for ages.

So we get lots of posters saying 'my DC totally believes' and I always think 'how can you be totally sure?'

Also, as soon as they are questioning, you are on a downward slope. You don't question stuff that's definitely real - if they are questioning, it's pretty much gone and they are joining in for the magic.

MrsJayy · 10/09/2017 12:11

Honestly the magic isn't ruined do you think kids who never do santa have unmagical christmases honestly it is fine

x2boys · 10/09/2017 12:11

Stop being son nasty EastMids both my children have learning disabilities my eldest is very mild compared to his brother but he doesn't have a high IQ he found out about santa last yr when he was nine IQ has nothing to do with it I was also nine and am of average intelligence .

x2boys · 10/09/2017 12:12

So nasty .

MoonfaceAndSilky · 10/09/2017 12:12

My uncle hung up a stocking every year until he died in his 80s.

That's so sweet Smile

Temporaryanonymity · 10/09/2017 12:13

Well, my eldest is 10 and he stopped believing in year 1. He is one of those logical thinkers and finds it highly amusing that his 8 year old brother does still believe.

MrsJayy · 10/09/2017 12:17

We have stockings my youngest is nearly 20 and loves christmas and totally goes over board decorating her bedroom and buys christmas tatt obviously hasn't believed in years

DN4GeekinDerby · 10/09/2017 12:21

It is sad when something you've done for years changes unexpectedly. I think it's lovely she felt comfortable telling you so casually, I was terrified to tell my parents (and by the looks of it a few others in this thread were too) because my mother really played up the "if you don't believe then you don't get anything or get to do XYZ" thing. I don't think I ever had that conversation with her, I just stopped talking about it at all to avoid the topic (I stopped living with her young so that was easier than most, I think).

Maybe come up with a new tradition with her? Being Father Christmas for someone else as a big grown up thing? We don't do Christmas personally but my kids love being secret givers for other occasions. Also I've found Pratchett's Hogfather good for explaining why it's important to so many to keep up the act even if some of us individually don't get much magic out of that part.

TittyGolightly · 10/09/2017 12:24

I'll never understand how this elaborate untruth represents "magic"? Is Santa actually for the parents' benefit? Wink

We have never pushed the idea of Santa on DD (almost 7) and our festive time is still magical.

EastMidsMummy · 10/09/2017 12:31

I'm sure it's different where children have learning disabilities.

For those who don't, 12 years old is way too late to not be able to know the difference between magic and reality.

What do parents who want to "protect the innocent" say to their kids at the age of 3 or 4 when they start asking about magic in stories? "Why can't Mummy turn a pumpkin into a glass coach?" Surely you let them know that magic isn't in the real world???

EastMidsMummy · 10/09/2017 12:32

And this idea of "if you don't believe, you don't get presents" is positively nasty/controlling/problematic.

gingerh4ir · 10/09/2017 12:36

she is ten. get a grip. seriously. my younger one had worked it out at 3 and I just went with it. did not take away the 'magic' (whatever that is) from xmas

I have a 9 year old with complex SN who still believes in Santa but I find it more than weird for a typical 10 year old to still believe in him . As her mum I would be happy that the penny dropped. not sad

2ducks2ducklings · 10/09/2017 12:45

I completely agree that the whole 'don't believe, don't receive' idea seems unfair and a little bit cruel.
Eastmids I think what I was trying to say is that I proud that my kids don't feel that they need to grow up before they have to. I'm sure they don't believe anymore, in fact the less vocal my daughter is on the matter, the more convinced I am that she no longer believes. But she does still believe in the sense of 'magic' that the idea of FC brings and so do I. I don't see how that has anything to do with intelligence. Christmas is a huge thing in our family but, In all honestly, we see FC once a year with our friends out of tradition, but other than that we don't really include FC too much in our celebrations.

MadMags · 10/09/2017 12:48

I do wonder what sort of childhood the children of posters on here have.

I mean, these are adults who are going out of their way to say nasty things about children. Why? What pleasure do you derive in it?

Because you do things differently to me, I've decided that you must all be abusive and shouldn't be in charge of children. Especially young or sn children who are likely to believe these things...

coldcanary · 10/09/2017 12:54

My older 2 were 10 when they told us they didn't believe, nothing wrong with their intellect thank you very much!
They both enjoy playing along for the benefit of their youngest sibling though (5) and DS at the grand old age of 16 put the Santa tracker app on his phone last year for her. It's just a bit of fun, FC has always just been the delivery man here, nothing to do with naughty lists or extra presents from him.
I'll actually be a bit sad when she stops believing tbh, leaving out the mince pie and wine on Christmas Eve is something they've all loved doing over the years.

elQuintoConyo · 10/09/2017 12:55

We have a happy-faced log that poos gifts when you whack it with a stick. DS finds it every 1st December in the woods, wraps it in a blanket and feeds it every day so he is fat full of presents.

Difinitely real.

FC on the other hand... Glorified Yodel delivery man Grin

Shhhsleeping · 10/09/2017 13:16

Ds 9 told me tonight he knows Santa isn't real. I thought he knew but he wasn't letting on. He is excited to make it special for his sister who's 6, but I know he'll blurt it out during an argument.

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