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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd just told me she doesn't believe in father christmas. I feel really sad.

146 replies

jmh740 · 09/09/2017 21:19

Randomly chatting watching x factor and 10year old dd said she doesn't believe in father christmas any more. I feel quite sad it's like the magic has gone, I've told her not to tell her 8 year old brother. Half of me thinks I should have tried to convince her he does I was just a bit shocked it came from nowhere.

OP posts:

chasingstarsthisevening · 09/09/2017 22:30

I do think if children are distraught when discovering the truth it's best not to lie in the first place. I recognise I'm in a minority though. However, I think overwhelmingly FC is done for the enjoyment of the parents and not the children.

NataliaOsipova · 09/09/2017 22:31

My kids have been questioning and, to be honest, I'd rather they knew! I feel a bit uncomfortable with the whole thing.... probably just me, though, I do accept....

CrochetBelle · 09/09/2017 22:32

I took the opportunity to tell my eldest daughter earlier in the year when we had a chance of some time together. She took it much better than I thought she would. She's 12 and I thought she ought to know before she started secondary school. She's totally keeping it going for her little sister (9) though, and has decided she still wants to do all the santa magic anyway.

ProseccoMamam · 09/09/2017 22:32

At 10 I think she's very late maybe she didn't want to upset you? I think your son will probably know too unfortunately...

You can still have the magic of Christmas, snowy footprints and leaving a carrot out & the visits to santa! She will still be excited!!

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 09/09/2017 22:33

I was a month away from my 10th birthday when I reached my final conclusion that FC wasn't real and told my parents. I had had suspicions for a while but didn't want to believe it. I can remember feeling quite sad when my Mum confirmed it too, even though I'd said it first! So I do understand, OP.

I don't think 10 is unusually late, although it is probably later than average. DS1 said he knew from about 9 onwards. DD is nearly 10 and I suspect that she knows but has never said as much as she wants to carry on the fantasy, probably similar to the OP's DD. DS2 is 7 and definitely still believes. And for the PP who said she would be worried about their intellect if they still believed at 10, no problems with intellect here! I think it's more of an innocence thing. I also know someone who had to break the news to her borderline SEN child before he started secondary school. It's actually quite heartening that there are still some children who are allowed to believe in childish things, as there is so much pressure on children to grow up too fast.

Theimpossiblegirl · 09/09/2017 22:34

DD was 10 when she stopped believing. She was very impressed with my subterfuge skills.
We still do everything- put out whisky and a mince pie, stockings, make a runway in the garden with tealights, track on NORAD and she's 15 now. It's more about tradition than believing (and extra presents she thinks). Even big kids enjoy the magic.

jarhead123 · 09/09/2017 22:35

Can't believe some of the replies!

I certainly don't think most kids don't believe from 7/8. Can't believe so many are being such twats to the OP!

Yanbu OP, I'm not looking forward to this either

Copperbeech33 · 09/09/2017 22:35

I just find t his type of thread really weird. I have never in real life met a child that believed in father Christmas. I have never told a child that father Christmas exists. I am always amazed on MN how many people lie to their children, I just can't think of any reason why. Father Christmas is fun as a shared fantasy, without anyone pretending he is real, or anyone pretending to belive it.

cestlavielife · 09/09/2017 22:36

It s a pretend / acting... it's not a "lie". Say to dd yes we pretended to be Santa . It was nice tho wasn't it?..and now you can help with pretending for your brother. You can still hide presents and not let on where or what they are until the day.

chasingstarsthisevening · 09/09/2017 22:37

No, it isn't pretending in this context as when playing pretend games a child always knows on some level that the character being played is being presented by another. Even if they believe in the moment, the belief ends when the game ends, which is not the case here.

Caprianna · 09/09/2017 22:38

I don't think children believe much past 6-8 do they? Surely theybhave developed logic by then.

Copperbeech33 · 09/09/2017 22:38

Pretense is fine, as long as everybody involved KNOWS it's pretense. Otherwise it's a lie.

silver1977 · 09/09/2017 22:40

copperbeech33 you have never met a child in real life that believed in Father Christmas? Really??!! What world do you live in then? A very sad one

notangelinajolie · 09/09/2017 22:42

I still believe in Father Christmas and I'm 53. Just waiting for the Christmas Movie Channels to start

80sMum · 09/09/2017 22:43

I'm another one who doesn't believe that any 10 year old with a normal IQ could possibly believe that the whole Father Christmas tale is true.

I'm sure that children still enjoy "the magic" at that age, but it's the magic of a fairytale, not of any kind of reality. Children know when a story is not "real" (nobody believes that Cinderella actually happened) but it doesn't stop them enjoying the fantasy.

fannydaggerz · 09/09/2017 22:44

What's this about a stocking? I fill it up with the smaller cheaper prezzies. Is that meant to be from santa?

My sons been asking me questions about santa and he's only 5. I found out when I was 6 and was gutted.

Riversleep · 09/09/2017 22:45

I cant wait until my kids don't believe. Its far too stressful. 'I asked for the 2017 Guinness world records book. How does Santa know who is going to break the records in 2017?' 'How come x got all his presents from Santa but we only get one' 'How come this present from Santa says Tesco on it? ' will Santa let me have a Mobile phone?' etc etc. I nearly said in response to the last one that if he still believed in Santa he was too young for a mobile phone but luckily stopped just in time!

riceuten · 09/09/2017 22:45

I sussed it out aged 7 - I had had my suspicions at 6 - I remember trying to catch my parents putting the presents out. 10 is longer than I would have personally waited to tell a child, if I am going to be brutally frank. I remember a colleague at work telling me she told her son when he went to secondary school, because she didn't want him to be the only one in his class still believing at 11 years old and to suffer the consequences socially. He was inconsolable for a week, partially with the shock and partially 'why didn't you tell me before?'.

Dumdedumdum · 09/09/2017 22:49

What a lot of judgemental posts on here. Would you slag off a child in this way over anything else, low IQ, would be worried about them etc?
I hope you all get bloody coal in your stockings.

chasingstarsthisevening · 09/09/2017 22:49

It isn't really cricket to make unpleasant comments about 10 year olds.

If their parents have told them it is true, why wouldn't they believe?

Lovingmybear2 · 09/09/2017 22:50

Distraught

Well whose fault is that.

Dumdedumdum · 09/09/2017 22:51

Fannydaggerz no wonder your small child doesn't believe. You've been doing it all wrong. You can't have watched a single film featuring Santa in your entire life if you don't realise that Santa comes down the chimney and fills stockings.

Lovingmybear2 · 09/09/2017 22:53

Why is it sad to not have the Santa bollocks? I found it wierd and my kids did too.

We all adore Christmas and it's magical

MadMags · 09/09/2017 22:56

My child's IQ is fine, thank you.

This place is hilarious sometimes. People trying to out-cunt each other about santa and 10 year olds! 😂

AcrossthePond55 · 09/09/2017 22:58

I have a feeling that she'll reconsider her opinion as it gets a little closer to Christmas. As it gets closer she'll realize the 'benefits' of believing. I found out when they were teens that both my sons 'strung me along' for a few years after they stopped believing. They realized that Santa brings more presents than your parents would once they can explain about being 'sensible'. Kids who 'believe' don't have to be 'sensible'.

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