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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this birth plan okay?

181 replies

1997r2017 · 09/09/2017 21:12

Basically, i dont want an extra long birth plan as i feel it will be ignored, also i know that forceps/venthouse could be needed but i feel like they are more likely to avoid then if i just say no.
Is there anything ive forgotten?
Please excuse my writing xxxx

Or is this birth plan okay?
OP posts:
mintich · 09/09/2017 21:35

I wrote out a birth plan and literally the only thing on it that happened was the vitamin k injection! The rest was taken out of my hands due to what happened in the labour/birth

NotTheMrMenAgain · 09/09/2017 21:37

Oh how I laugh when I think back to my 'birth plan'....it included lavender oils, arnica drops, a hypnobirthing cd, a water birth etc.

I'd never given birth before and had no idea what the reality would be like! When push literally came to shove none of the things on the wish list mattered - all that mattered was getting DD out safely.

So please be gentle with yourself and don't get wound up about how you'd like it to go - just go with the flow and see what happens.

In the end I needed an episiotomy and ventouse which would have horrified me to begin with, but I quite rudely commanded the doctor to crack on with it when the time came!

GlitteryGlitter · 09/09/2017 21:38

You have to give informed consent for any intervention so you can say no forceps.

I had the exact same concerns, they persuaded me to go for the ventouse rather than a c-section and then I had baby forceps at the end but I had to explicitly give consent.
Make sure your birth partner knows your wishes so they can back you up if necessary.

Cheby · 09/09/2017 21:38

I think it looks great. I had similar re ventouse/forceps/episiotomy in my first birth plan.
For all those saying birth plans are unnecessary or you get the birth you get, that's rubbish. OP has included some important choices (delayed cord clamping, water birth, breastfeeding etc) which wouldn't necessarily happen.

And if you remain active and have good support then you are far more likely to have a straightforward birth than if you lie on your back in bed. It's not a passive process, it doesn't just happen to you.

Good luck OP, hope it goes well for you!

ChocolateDinosaur · 09/09/2017 21:38

Why so against forceps/ventouse? Just out of interest.
I think your 'would like' list sounds like a lovely birth. I hope you get it.

Battyoldbat · 09/09/2017 21:41

I had a birth plan for all of my births. My first was the only one that deviated, and even then the midwife went through it all with me and talked through options and made sure that anything at all that was possible from the birth plan was done. For example, I was induced but wanted to be mobile so she sorted out remote monitoring, found me a birthing ball, got a mattress for me to kneel on so I could lean over the bed. Etc etc etc.
That's the kind of attention a midwife should pay to a birth plan surely? It's incredibly dismissive to just not even take any notice of one. I didn't realise at the time quite how good my midwife was!

Bluebellwoods123 · 09/09/2017 21:46

It's quite reasonable to put you don't want certain things especially if you've researched the risks. My birth plan just said I don't consent to forceps.
I am aware there comes a point when nothing else can be used but I wanted all other options explored first.
You've written a good plan and i think writing a plan makes you consider all the different things that could happen, Good luck

honeysucklejasmine · 09/09/2017 21:46

Just remember that baby isn't going to read it. It's ok to have preferences but please remain flexible, you don't need to be feeling like a failure with a newborn if it doesn't go to plan.

Semaphorically · 09/09/2017 21:49

My first birth plan was like yours. My second birth plan was a bit more strident regarding interventions that I would refuse. My basic view on birth, having read an enormous amount of medical research while pregnant and also knowing myself, was either I'm pushing the baby out myself, or it's a c-section.

Both ended up being water births without much external assistance, which I realise is fortunate!

Raver84 · 09/09/2017 21:51

I personally wouldn't bother . You cannot say what you want until you are in the moment. Ie no pethidine. ... if you are in pain you may welcome some relif. Just be open to all options. All births are different

crazypenguinlady · 09/09/2017 21:53

I think having a birth plan is fine as long as also remain flexible and keep an open mind. I made a birth plan but wrote a couple of sentences stating that I understood these were just preferences but the absolute main thing was main and baby's safety. I also stated that if I had to be transferred would prefer to go to one main possible over another, if possible. I had visions of a relaxed labour with lots of music and dim lights in the pool, and keeping mobile. As it happens, most of my contraction were at home pinned to the sofa on my side, got the hospital and baby was born in under an hour. The actual birth was me grunting loudly, with gas and air and about 10 mins in the pool Grin that said, it helped with things such as my partner telling me the sex. The midwives were very respectful of my birth plan. Most things go to plan but it ended up fine. I look back on it fondly and at the time, it helped me feel in control when I was pregnant as I was quite anxious about the birth. I'll write one in the future with DC2.

Your birth plan sounds fine OP. Perhaps ask your midwife during your next appointment. And good luck Flowers

seafoodeatit · 09/09/2017 21:53

They won't give you an episiotomy unless you really need one so it's not too important to put that and all women are encouraged to stay as active as possible in labour whether it be at home,birthing center or labour ward. Remind at the time that you want your partner to cut the cord as it all happens so fast sometimes that they don't check fast enough!

Nobody looked at my birth plan for all three of my children although I was asked about preferences so it helps to get your birthing partner to memorise your preferences so that they can be your voice in labour.

Quirkydamsel · 09/09/2017 21:55

Chocolate dino have you ever had ventouse or forceps ?
I am just wondering if your experience was totally different to mine because they were downright inhumane ime. Very unpleasant and distressing beyond. I ended up begging for a c section it was truly horrendous .

crazypenguinlady · 09/09/2017 21:55
  • one main hospital (had DS in a birth centre)
  • Most things didn't go to plan
mirime · 09/09/2017 21:56

@cheby because you don't always get a choice. I wanted to be up and walking around, unfortunately due to the need for the baby to be constantly monitored and the fact that the damn thing moved and lost his heartbeat if I did much more than twitch, I was strongly discouraged from doing so.

I wanted delayed cord clamping, didn't happen because DS got rushed off to SCBU.

For me at least, my birth plan wasn't worth the paper it was written on, a fact I knew but that the medical staff seemed to be in compete denial about as they made me complete it before kick-starting my labour.

Semaphorically · 09/09/2017 21:56

Regarding "too late for c-section", I don't believe this is medically possible.

Why else would this exist?

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zavanelli_maneuver

hairymaryquitecontrary · 09/09/2017 22:00

Using forceps on someone without consent would be a serious assault

Don't be so bloody literal, ffs. Hmm

Scrowy · 09/09/2017 22:01

I didn't have a birth plan. I knew I wanted to get in the birthing pool with gas and air and be in there as much as possible.

DD had other ideas and came quicker than the pool could be filled. It's sitting there 80 % full and pristine in all of the post birth photos.

And I didn't even get a fucking paracetamol let alone gas and air!

Lana1234 · 09/09/2017 22:03

My birth plan was pretty identical to yours but it all went out the window last Friday night. Ended up needing forceps and episiotomy. Not trying to scare you but I wouldn't think too much about the birth plan cos I now feel extremely disappointed that it didn't go as I wanted. It wasn't pleasant but the upside is me and baby are doing well and that's what matters Smile

I really do hope it all goes to plan for you though! Best of luck Flowers

thismeansnothing · 09/09/2017 22:04

Partner to be present at all times ..... ..... obviously worst case scenario but if you did need a GA emergency section Partners aren't allowed in theatre

seafoodeatit · 09/09/2017 22:06

@Quirkydamsel I had failed ventouse, an episiotomy and forceps for my first and just forceps for my second , neither was awful apart from the situation that made them necessary, healing after an episiotomy was much worse and took months but everyone has a different experience.

TheWeeWitch · 09/09/2017 22:12

It looks good to me OP. The midwife will (should!) ask you for this so you are well prepared to have it ready. All the best Flowers

YellowFlower201 · 09/09/2017 22:16

I think you need to discuss with your MW what your concern about forceps and ventuous is. Ask her to tell you the risks of those as compared to a c section. They don't just hand our sections for a reason. It's a major op and lots can go wrong. Hope all goes well and your baby arrives safely!

RainyDayBear · 09/09/2017 22:17

This is potentially slightly outing, but I had a lovely typed birth plan all about a water birth, gas and air, don't offer me an epidural etc. After three days of labour (I only got to 4cm after five days, and it ended in EMCS after all that!) I took my lovingly written birth plan, scribbled it out with a pen and wrote 'after 72 hours of labour I find my feelings on pain relief have changed significantly, and I would like to be offered any/all pain relief at the earliest opportunity, especially an epidural.' They gave me diamorphine after that and that really was the best part of labour for me! High as a bloody kite.

DC2 will hopefully be an ELCS, but midwife has said I need to write a birth plan in case I turn up too advanced for a section, it will read 'I have no interest in a natural birth and would like an epidural and/or all the drugs going.'

I think going with the flow is the best advice! I would focus more on things you can control (injection for the placenta, vitamin k, feeding plans) rather than the birth bit. It's fine to have preferences, but labour is such a lucky dip!

Doesthiscountasausername · 09/09/2017 22:19

As someone who works in maternity services I prefer to call birth plans birth preferences. They are more for you to know what is available and what you want than for your healthcare provider. Please do go in and advise everyone what you would like but if it doesn't go to plan don't beat yourself about it, its about having the right birth at the time rather than following a plan strictly. Also, any and every choice is a choice, please don't fell pressured into anything. Ask as many questions as you think off/would like and know that you can say no to anything that you don't feel comfortable with. Good luck and all
The best for your exciting journey ahead!