To think DH is lucky I'm so fucking reasonable?!!!

[bertiesgal]

We were watching one of the many many alien franchise films (actually I was arsing about on my phone as they all look the same to me-unless Sigourney has the starring role-swoons ).

One of the male characters started to vomit blood.

The female trained nurse in the team ran away crying and started sobbing to the control centre that she'd "never seen anything like it" and was scared etc. The man in the control room was her husband and said something along the lines of "calm down sweet heart".

I can't remember the last time I saw a man sobbing dramatically with fear in a film but I'm pretty sure I could name 10 movies off the top of my head with hysterical females.

To add insult to injury the actress is playing a trained nurse.

She will most likely have seen plenty of people vomit blood and if remotely competent will have remained calm and professional throughout.

I'm pissed off that women are portrayed as hysterical idiots in so many films.

I work in medicine and I can't remember the last time we stopped CPR because a female team member was too emotional!

Initially DH agreed with me and I felt all pleased that I had such a lovely DH. Five minutes later he decided as it's all fantasy, my point is nonsense and that I'm just wasting a good movie.

He then proceeded to impersonate my upset every time a man appeared on the screen "oh look at the way that man's convulsing, they'd only make a man look so pathetic" and on and on it went.

AIBU to think that this kind of crap and totally unrealistic portrayal of "hysterical" women exacerbates sexism and is subtly holding women back?

Also is my DH's mockery as hurtful as I find it or am I just tired and grumpy?

It's even worse as the original movies were among the first and few to portray an incredible character who just happened to have a vagina!

I'm a bit livid and could do with your wise words mumsnetters .

So you weren't actually watching the film but decided to ruin it for your DH because the director was sexist. Yeah, people are weird like that. I also ruin racist things and homophobic things.

Life would be so much more fun if people shut up about things that don't affect white, straight men.

Do you vet what your OH watches to check it doesn't conflict with your views.

Hollywood is sexist and racist, we all know that things are improving albeit slowly.

Knocked post by accident.

If we hamper others enjoyment each time a scenario crops up like this you would barely ever be able to watch an entire film.

You are actually using widespread and pernicious racism and sexism to defend ignoring widespread and pernicious racism and sexism.

I don't police what DH watches but I ask him not to watch certain things in front of me. And he respects that. If I saw something more sexist than the norm in something he was watching, I would point it out and he would care. He could do it to me, I suppose. But only about 4 films fail the reverse Bechdel test so he'd be waiting a while. He does point out when the science is wrong, particularly programming/hacking. I don't mind.

If women don't point this kind of thing out, men and more importantly children, wouldn't realise it's unacceptable. Men don't actually notice most of the time.

Pointing out the "isms" in real life is good...but during a film can be obnoxious. We (i) watch shows to escape reality; real life is difficult. My dh and i watched a series that could be sexist i supppose, but we enjoyed the fantasy of good and bad with little gray for a couple of hours. The "ism police" need to take a break. There is not one male on earth who supports females more than my dh. He is in a predominantly male profession and his women bosses, over the years, have been very happy to have him for an employee. He is supporting dd going into a STEM career. Watching tv doesn't mean that he is a sexist, racist, or any other ist. Frankly, the same people who are ok with cutting us off in traffic are often the same ones who are "changing the world" by complaining about the importance of the ??? I'm sick of it. I'm not, he's not, we're not, but sometimes we need a break from the battering, nattering chastising that seems acceptable today. Frankly it makes me angry to branded an "ist" or "ism" and I'm probably going to be one just bc that's who is making me feel attacked. I like door opening, complimenting, carrying boxes men. Its nice to be treated kindly. I do not like vulgarity or phrases like "walk of shame" THAT is what demeans us as women. Just let your spouse watch what he wants and save social justice for another day in real life.

He does point out when the science is wrong, particularly programming/hacking.

Ooh mine too. I don't that mind either - after all, it's not propping up sexist and racist cultural attitudes.

That was a strange and rather heated rant there, Abbylee. Cutting off in traffic? How do you know the political persuasions of people who do that?

Those feminists? Always cutting people off in traffic. Bastards

Plus feminists are the last people to talk about the 'walk of shame' - that would be misogynists. And yes, misogyny and sexual inequality does demean women.

I use 'walk of shame'. For one purpose. Any person (male or female) walking home in fancy dress on the 1st November. And the 'shame' is that of wearing a Halloween costume at 8am, rather than having had sex.

Ha!

Mrs TP- 'If women don't point this kind of thing out, men and more importantly children, wouldn't realise it's unacceptable. Men don't actually notice most of the time.'

Totally agree. My husband didn't notice the amount of women murdered and/or raped in TV dramas until I started a body count of this endless supply seemingly disposable women. Now he is more aware of it than me.

Rape as a plot point. So fucking annoying! And yes, DH wouldn't notice unless I told him.

He does point out when the science is wrong, particularly programming/hacking. I don't mind.

Mine does this, but with military strategy / missions / weapons. It's actually pretty interesting when it's not annoying

As an aside we are watching the FIRST EVER American football game that has a female colour commentator. Historic!!

YANBU. My DH and I had a few similar disagreements in the early days of our relationship, though he's generally good at recognising everyday sexism now.

In your husband's defence though, I think it's genuinely difficult and uncomfortable for men to acknowledge the privilege they've been born with - in the same way that some people find it difficult to acknowledge that the fact they are white or middle class has been a vast privilege. It's a horrible thought.

I've just finished watching Pitch Perfect 2. It's so odd to see a film which barely scrapes a reverse Bechdel (named men do talk to each other, not about women, but very briefly), has men as the love interest, comedy foil and support but not really having their own character arcs. And older women being funny, supportive, loving and interesting; saving the day at the end. And young women in a group; supportive, funny, interesting, varied and talented.

It's so unusual it's not actually surprising that men can't notice the noise of sexism. It's like fish. They can't see the water.

YABU for being on your phone while watching a movie with your partner.

I can see the general point about the portrayal of women on screen. However, maybe his (inappropriate) response was really because he was enjoying the film and felt you were talking over it. Whilst he should of either said this or turned the film off people do occasionally revert to sarcasm for light relief, when I say 'people' I include me!

To defend myself. We had both finished very long shifts. We were both dipping into our phones. He put the movie on as background. I wouldn't sit on my phone if we'd chosen to watch something together (as an aside I'd never choose any of the alien sequels for us to watch together).

He is my best friend. We share 4 children and a life so the poor buggar does have to listen to my rants sometimes. I also have to listen to his.

He has apologised for not being very understanding and I've apologised for sharing the details of our argument on mumsnet .

Tell him it was an interesting debate and thank you!

It was quite interesting wasn't it ? Thanks Mrs TP .