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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nursery isn't an essential rite of passage for my 3yo?

56 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 07/09/2017 16:32

3 yo starts nursery at the local school this week, he'll be one of the youngest in his class and I'm not sure he's ready.

His teacher is concerned about the fact that he isn't potty trained yet, despite our best efforts, and had SLT call us to discuss his speech delay (it is delayed but I am keeping a close eye on it, and it's coming on leaps and bounds every day).

When I first applied for the place I thought he'd be ready by Sept, but now I'm just not so sure. He seems so very young. I left him in my local gym crèche last week and had to fetch him within ten minutes because he was so inconsolable. When I collected him he was sad and withdrawn all morning.

WIBU to give it two weeks and pull him out if it isn't working? DH and family all v pro him going as it'll be 'so good' for him, but what if it isn't?

OP posts:
user1471451564 · 07/09/2017 16:41

You know your child and one size doesn't fit all. They don't have to be 'socialised' via nursery. As long as you aren't a hermit or recluse then hopefully they will have plenty of opportunities to grow in confidence and socialibilty with you. For what it's worth i decelerated my DD from starting reception last year (summer baby). She starts next week and the difference in her from last sep to this is amazing. I know this year she is more than ready to escape my clutches Grin. Good luck and do what you think is best for your DC.

3littlebadgers · 07/09/2017 16:41

You know your little one best, I work in a preschool. My own children didn't even attend one. My eldest was nearly 7 before he went to school as we lived abroad at the time. He has just done his yr 6 sats and done really well. If you are the type who chats to him at home, etc he will do just as well at home until you feel he is ready.

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 07/09/2017 16:46

I think he's really happy and content with me at home, and I'm def going to be at home until the middle of next year because of husband's work and a probable relocation. We go to toddler groups, the park, the local farm and he just tags along with me on trips to Tesco and such - I just natter away to him all day while we do this stuff.

OP posts:
Witsender · 07/09/2017 16:47

I wouldn't send him

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 07/09/2017 16:50

Why not Witsender? Would be helpful to know your thinking behind this.

OP posts:
Mrsfrumble · 07/09/2017 16:53

Neither of mine be went to nursery / preschool until they were 4 (they are both autumn babies) and have been fine socially and academically.

Toddler groups, play dates, library visits and hanging out at home with you will be enough for him for now. You could try him again after Christmas or Easter.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 07/09/2017 17:04

I'd wait and see if you think he's ready after Christmas.
My middle one stayed home till he started school full time. We had a great time together. I did take him swimming, he had weekly lessons, and to play with a friends son of the same age who was also home.
Never did him any harm at all.

coddiwomple · 07/09/2017 17:11

Difficult to say, some children are ready to go from being home full time to school (at 5) full time, others really benefit from 2 or 3 mornings a week to prepare them.

Toddler groups are not the same at all, because you are there. I think it did all of mine a world of good to be prepared in their nursery, with a much higher ration of grown-up before going to big school (one teacher for 30 kids, part time TA if we are luck..)

I don't think a child suffers from staying at home, not at all, and our kids start school too early in this country. I do think that it's easier for them to start school when they have already experienced the class set-up in a nursery.
If you are child is really unhappy, it's not worth it, they are only so little! It does take a few days to get settle though. (None of my local nurseries expect children to be potty trained)

coddiwomple · 07/09/2017 17:11

*ratio, not ration Hmm

EnidNextDoor · 07/09/2017 17:13

No one needs nursery unless they have a difficult home life where the stability etc of nursery will be a great advantage. Actually a few other reasons...

So after some thought I think the only reasons to send a child to nursery are a)if he has that kind of life (which he doesnt) or b) you need/want to work/other home duties and need it for the childcare aspect, or c) if you feel he would benefit from socialising or being kept active in a busy setting etc.

If none of those apply, why bother? I didn't.

PenguinsAreAce · 07/09/2017 17:21

One of mine wasn't ready. In retrospect I wish we had not bothered. It didn't make settling in reception any easier and caused a lot of unnecessary anxiety. Go with your gut.

scaredofthecity · 07/09/2017 17:23

my DS started preschool about May time and I was really worried but it has been the making of him. He has gained so much confidence and his speech is much better.
He loves it and really missed it over the hols, it was his first session back this week and he didn't want to leave. Before he went he was very shy, hardly made eye contact and suffered bad separation anxiety. He now sleeps through the night and is very sociable and happy to play with other kids.
I'd give it a go and see what happens.

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 07/09/2017 17:23

I do think he would benefit from c) Enid

Waaaaah. I don't know!

OP posts:
EnidNextDoor · 07/09/2017 17:30

If you don't know, don't do it. Can you delay for a month or two while keeping the space open?

inchyrablue · 07/09/2017 17:34

It might help getting him used to the environment so making starting reception easier. Can you delay starting till January? Or find a half way house like playgroup?

SunnyCoco · 07/09/2017 17:36

Only you can decide but personally I do think it would be good for his development to learn how to go for more than 10 mins without you at the age of 3. He will make friends there as they are regular attendees unlike the crèche and that will be good for his development and help him be without you.
They would also be able to support with his speech.
Only my opinion - I know it must be difficult if you don't feel he's ready
Best of luck x

FeralBeryl · 07/09/2017 17:39

One of mine was so not ready for nursery at 3 OP. I started her, but despite her sibling being there too, she was inconsolable.
Her brother would say 'she's just criededed allll day' Sad 'she's just walked on her own'
I took her out after half a term and she joined a local childminders where she settled immediately and was as happy as a pig in shit until she left for big school (which went like a dream btw)
It really is never a one size fits all, if you're privileged enough to be in the position to play around to suit you both, definitely do Flowers

Fax · 07/09/2017 17:42

3 is very young. I would wait until you think he is ready.
Mine are much older now but the pressure 18 years ago was to send them to nursery class at 4. I refused as DS wasn't ready. He went to school very happily at 5 and was not disadvantaged in any way.

Coastalcommand · 07/09/2017 17:51

I'd keep him with you. Sounds like you have loads of fun together :)

idontwannaneedthem · 07/09/2017 17:54

Not being able to go 10 minutes at 3 isn't great.

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 07/09/2017 18:01

Really idontwanna?

OP posts:
idontwannaneedthem · 07/09/2017 18:03

Yes..

upperlimit · 07/09/2017 18:05

My ds3 (3.5 yo)is with a childminder because the nursery was too noisy and intense for him. I think we'll stick with this till he goes to reception. Would that be an option you?

Mittens1969 · 07/09/2017 18:06

I would think it would make sense to delay sending him, yes. He's clearly not ready to be away from you, there's plenty of time.

I would keep him at home and review it after Christmas. Try again at the gym crèche in a week or so, and you could also see how it goes at a playgroup, they last only a couple of hours. Just to get him used to being away from you gradually.

But it won't hurt him if he doesn't go to nursery at all.

Frecklemcspeckles · 07/09/2017 18:08

I think it probably depends on whether you're in a part of the country that can delay school starting. Where we are you can't. My daughter was as young as you can be possibly be for our nursery year (just turned 3) and I was so worried about her but I was also concerned that if I didn't start her then the following mandatory year she would be even further behind. In the end I decided to give it 6 weeks. She adored it. If she hadn't, I was in your position and happy to keep her at home and socialise. I'd say give it a number of weeks then decide. First weeks can be tricky at any age!