To think nursery isn't an essential rite of passage for my 3yo?

[lookingforthecorkscrew]

3 yo starts nursery at the local school this week, he'll be one of the youngest in his class and I'm not sure he's ready.

His teacher is concerned about the fact that he isn't potty trained yet, despite our best efforts, and had SLT call us to discuss his speech delay (it is delayed but I am keeping a close eye on it, and it's coming on leaps and bounds every day).

When I first applied for the place I thought he'd be ready by Sept, but now I'm just not so sure. He seems so very young. I left him in my local gym crèche last week and had to fetch him within ten minutes because he was so inconsolable. When I collected him he was sad and withdrawn all morning.

WIBU to give it two weeks and pull him out if it isn't working? DH and family all v pro him going as it'll be 'so good' for him, but what if it isn't?

Sorry, I just meant that you have doubts, and he doesn't have to go, so I wouldn't send him. There is no need at 3.

Mine started pre-school at 2.5, his speech has come on in leaps and bounds because he doesn't have me translating everything for him so he HAS to make himself clear. Ours is a very small school with two fixed members of staff, a well defined routine and he loves it, he only goes part time so is never there when he's tired or for more than 4 hours at a time.

He HATED nursery (he had to attend one full day as I was at work) and never really settled and was never keen to go. Pre-school is very different for us.

I find it does wonders for our relationship, a few hours apart a few times a week works really well for us, my DS is very independent and spirited (!) so a break from my nagging and following directions from someone else is great.

Thought I'd update. We're a few days in, on the first day I stayed with him and we left early. The next few days I left him for an hour and collected him early. Today I was called to pick him up early because, in his teacher's words, he 'wasn't coping'. Apparently he wouldn't engage with snack time and tried to wander around the room while everybody else sat on the carpet. Then, when they tried to get him to sit with the other children, he got very distressed and then very listless and just lay there looking very worn out and sad.

So tomorrow he's coming home a bit early again.

I have no idea if this will get better or worse, just managing it on a day-by-day basis ATM. It's tough though because I can't relax at all when he's there, knowing I could get a phone call. I have to keep my shoes on and stay within ten mins of the nursery.

My DS wasn't ready at three and it wouldn't have made the blindest bit of difference to wait. He only went for 6 hours so we stuck with it but he was much more ready by 3.5 and I look back and wonder why we bothered. Outgoing DD didn't go til 3.5 because of where her birthday was and it was fine. They don't have to go at all!

To further update: I had a meeting with the SENCO a couple of days ago as the nursery teacher had concerns about DS not following instructions or interacting with peers. We've agreed to give him a bit more time for now and review just before half term. I feel drained by it all, DS loves going to nursery but they won't allow him to stay for the whole session. I have to collect him from a side entrance.

They said that if it became apparent that DS needed more 1-1 support we'd only get it by having a full assessment for SEN. This feels huge and scary for a kid that just turned 3. :(

I wonder why they aren't letting your DS stay for the whole session - I'm presuming 3 hours? I'd have thought it's a positive sign that he is enjoying nursery more now.

Both my DS's have had or have speech delays. It's really hard at this stage. With my eldest I didn't send him to nursery until the term after his 3rd birthday. I was worried about him struggling due to his speech. In hindsight that was a mistake because he thrived at nursery and his speech has improved tenfold. He still struggles with certain pronounciations but he's now at school and doing really well.

My other son has a more severe delay. He's 21/2 and has less than 20 words - mostly unclear. I'm sending him to nursery now to help push his social skills and speech and he's really enjoying it. Still not speaking but he's happy at nursery.

I think the key is to find a nursery setting that will support your son. Also the SEN assessment is worth pursuing - we are doing the same for my youngest based on getting extra SALT support for his speech. It's hard - we've been through this once before and going through it again isn't any easier. Feel free to PM me if you need any support.