WIBU

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Too late to tell me what to do (as it's all said and done), but a little confirmation or education could be appropriate.

Today a younger child (Year 4) told her male teacher she'd begun her first period. In our 4 form entry school, he works with 3 other men and felt this was more appropriately dealt with by a woman so took her to a female teacher (head of Year 5) and said something along the lines of "Mrs X, could you have a little chat with Lucy here? Thanks"

He buggered off sharpish and didn't think anything more of it that a friendly "are you okay now Lucy" after lunch.

He's mid-30s with nearly a decade's experience.

I've since had a shitty email from Mrs X asking why she was interrupted, why she was calle dupon when it isn't her job and if someone as immature as Mr X should be in his position.

Surely actions were fine or am I seriously out of touch. Mrs X is a fine member of staff. Not at all 'on a crusade' generally and her comments have been enough to make me wonder if my quick dismissal of her concerns was misguided.

Thanks

I think if the child felt happy to speak to the man he should have dealt with it.

Maybe he was worried she would need help cleaning up and thought a female member would be more appropriate?

Was Mrs X just picked because she is female? Or because she has a pastoral role too?

I'm wondering if there was someone more suitable - we have school nurses in our school.

Are you Mr X?

And is there (should there be?) a school policy on this?

Huh.

My initial instinct was Mr X did the right thing, however on reflection he should have taken her to the designated first aid person and if he was worried about the nature of the problem and dealing with it, he could have gotten the safe guarding lead to deal with it.

But I'm inclined to ageee with the above poster- he should have delt with it. Not passed it on to a woman because she is a woman

If the child was happy talking to her male teacher, he should've dealt with it. If SHE was uncomfortable then he should've asked her would she prefer to speak to a female member of staff. If HE as the adult was uncomfortable he should've got a grip.

What did the child actually want? Was just she making conversation as 8 year olds do? Did she need sanitary products? Was she in floods of tears and thought she was dying?

Hmm, I think I would like the school to work out the best solution. I can see why he wanted a woman to deal with it, and I can see why the other teacher was irritated.

In our school there are teaching assistants in every class, and all of our happen to be female. I suspect that what would happen here is that the teaching assistant dealt with it.

dd1s teacher in year 6 (female) had a pack of spare sanitary towels in her desk drawer, that the girls all knew were there. Does Mr X have that? Mind you in year 4 I would not have expected to need that in my drawer.

While he SHOULD have been able to deal with it, in real life (as opposed to ideal situations) he might actually not have a clue what to do. Even if he had Sts in his drawer he might not be able to explain how to use them. This is not something taught at Teacher Training College, and is completely outside of his experience.

To be honest I am boggling at the idea of 4 male teacher sin year 4 - where do they get them all from!

I'm neither Mrs X nor Mr X (nor Lucy's (obviously not her name) mother).

I'm senior to Head of Primary and this situation has been brought to my attention.

Mrs X was picked mostly for her sex (I assume). She's head of year although there was another woman in her year who was equally 'available'.

I'm not sure if the infirmary was the correct place. They're more adept at skinned knees, bumped heads and the like. I'd guess that this was more a pastoral issue than medical. It's a fairly open room without much privacy as that's what suits 99% of primary incidents. The Secondary infirmary would be a daunting place on the best of days for 'Lucy'.

We're an International British school so benefit from a combination of best practice and common sense as opposed to 'safe guarding issues' and ridiculous rules.

'Lucy' wasn't happy talking to anyone although at the same time was reasonably rational. She certainly wasn't expecting what was happening but wasn't frightened either. Shock is the best description. She needed SanPro plus new knickers and a hug.

Theoretically he should have been able to deal with it but theory and practical are often worlds apart. I doubt a Y4 teacher had any SP within reach and wouldn't or couldn't advise the student. Y6 may be a different story. Although DH will buy SanPro for me without issue, I'm not sure he knows what they do (he only has brothers and sons).

Our Primary is 70/30 M/F and nearly the exact opposite in Secondary (teaching and support staff). In my experience it's what happens when salaries are above average and you employ staff on nothing more than ability.

I was sympathetic to you until you said you had 70/30 M/F because you employ staff on nothing more than ability.

Slap in the face to all those amazing female primary teachers out there - when the money's good the men will get the jobs - they are better.

If you have an infirmary, that is where she should have gone. They should have san pro available, and clean knickers. I really don't think most male teachers would be good at dealing with this.
Dh buys my san pro, and has 2 daughters and is as open and unembarrassed about these things as you can get, but he wouldn't actually be able to help a girl work out what to do with the san pro if they didn't know! (having never applied any to his own knickers)

If infirmary is open to the world, then they really should have a screen they can pull across. Plenty of times a bit of privacy is needed, eg wet knicker changes, grazed knees through pairs of tights/trousers which need carefully removing etc.

hmm I alos see that you think safeguarding issues and common sense aren't the same thing....

If he isn't grown up enough to deal wiht this how the fuck does he deal with sex education (ewwwww periods!)

He should have taken Lucy to the infirmary where they could have provided her with SanPro.

Our Primary is 70/30 M/F and nearly the exact opposite in Secondary (teaching and support staff). In my experience it's what happens when salaries are above average and you employ staff on nothing more than ability.

That makes you sound like a bit of a twat tho unfortunately. .

steppemum

Strange you lost "sympathy" for Lucy because of my comments.

Did you ignore the bit about the reverse sex-employment (for want of a better phrase) in secondary? Secondary jobs were once seen as more prestigious because they taught a specific subject to a higher standard. Slap in the face for all those amazing male secondary teachers!

The infirmary is 60% open to the world and 40% behind a wall. Without posting photographs though, it's hardly conducive to sanpro changing or, more pertinently, first sanpro use.

steppemum

Strange you lost "sympathy" for Lucy because of my comments.

Did you ignore the bit about the reverse sex-employment (for want of a better phrase) in secondary? Secondary jobs were once seen as more prestigious because they taught a specific subject to a higher standard. Slap in the face for all those amazing male secondary teachers!

The infirmary is 60% open to the world and 40% behind a wall. Without posting photographs though, it's hardly conducive to sanpro changing or, more pertinently, first sanpro use.

not sympathy for Lucy, sympathy for you.

I still think your infirmary isn't up to the job, get a screen

I think he did the right thing. Given your description it sounds like Lucy would have felt more comfortable with a female teacher especially as she needed new knickers. Poor little soul, how crap to start your periods in year 4.

Bloody hell, not keen on females or safeguarding huh. Amazing

excuse the double / early post.

At least it gives me a chance to point you (5rivers7hills) in the direction of my previous answer which is surely suggesting the opposite of the misogyny you were looking for.

Besides which, sex education isn't touched on in Year 4 (nothing to do with the maturity of the teachers; my best staff are in (Year 6 or 2)

steppemum

A large proportion of "safe guarding issues" I read about are nonsense. Things like a teacher using their own phone for photos but at the same time being allowed to take the children swimming (helping them change) or a CRB checked teacher's partner going on a school trip because of "collaborative peodophillia" are two of the nonsense posts I've read recently.

The infirmary is two rooms. One shielded by a wall and french doors (which are usually open). The main part is clearly visible to anyone. I think a 3rd section for situations like this may be needed as the 'screened' area is with beds for anything from a fever to upset.

Would a screen be enough for dealing with your first period? This isn't sarccy; it's 45+ years since I started.

I think that he should have asked Lucy if she'd feel more comfortable speaking with a female teacher. Then acted accordingly. The female teacher would have understood being interrupted and asked if she knew it was at Lucy's request.
But I think the lesson here is that the school isn't adequately prepared. Teaching staff should know what to do in these situations, Sanpro should be available, the infirmary needs a private area and better facilities.

I think in the absence of any school policy, he did the right thing.

I get that it was inconvenient for Mrs X but I'm sure it was a lot more inconvenient for poor Lucy. It's not something that's likely to happen to Mrs X every day surely so can't she just be happy to have helped a poor, young girl deal with something confusing and potentially upsetting? Unless she was in the middle of something hugely important, is it really that big of a deal to her?

If this was my daughter and I read that the deputy head had written on Mumsnet, an open forum, about my daughters periods and a private email, I'd hit the fucking roof.

You're very brave Op....

I feel sorry for Lucy. The woman who helped her with her first period massively resented it. I hope she couldn't sense it.

Mr X did the right thing. Mrs X is an unsympathetic tosser and I'm glad she doesn't teach at my children's schools.

Mrs X should have just dealt with it imo.

It's common sense that a woman would be best to deal with a small child that is not the 'usual' or 'expected' age for this and therefore might need a proper conversation about the ins & outs of it all.

Its gender neutralness gone mad to think a man is the best person to deal with this issue in such a young child. They may well be fully ABLE to deal with it if giving supplies and pointing in the direction of the loo's is all that's needed, but they aren't the best person to deal with it if an in depth convo of what's going to happen, what it feels like, best practice to cope with it, help showing how to use products etc is what's needed.

I'm assuming that the male teacher thought that the girl would need new knickers and some sanitary protection and that for this purpose she would need to be in a toilet area and so she needed a female escort so tool her to the nearest available. Who you say is head of year. Very sensible. Sounds like in future you need a policy whereby such things are dealt with by a female member of the infirmary staff.