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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the other mum disapproves of me for some reason?

92 replies

frustratedmumofboy · 07/09/2017 10:53

To be honest, I think she must, I don't know why (and don't care much tbh) but it's really frustrating me because my DC and hers have been best school friends for years (Y4 now, friends since reception), and she acts really wierdly if I ever suggest the two of them do anything outside of school. We met a couple of times at soft play when they were in Y1, and my DC went for a play date at their house once, but she has always refused when I offer to reciprocate. I have suggesting meeting a neutral places (park etc.) - she says yes, then changes her mine at the last minute! So I stopped asking for a couple of years. At the beginning of the summer this year, I suggested an outdoor activity might be nice for our DCs, she promised to get back to me then didn't! Her DC has been to all of the birthday parties of mine so far, but this year, she is refusing to reply to the invitation! Well, she replied that she would 'let me know' and hasn't. My DC really wants the best friend at his birthday, and we've limited numbers to six this year (quite expensive day out venue), but we could ask someone else, if best friend can't come. We are 'friends' on Facebook, but I stopped seeing her posts as the beginning of summer, so I think I've been blocked or something - fine by me, I really wish I could just completely forget about this person - it's just sad that she can't just tolerate me for the children's friendship. I just have to manage my child's disappointment (again) I suppose . I don't understand what is so bad about me that she wants to discourage the friendship?

OP posts:

ProseccoMamam · 07/09/2017 14:09

I think you are trying too hard and being full on.

If another mum kept constantly asking me on play dates and days out I think I'd steer clear too. Nothing against you personally, some mums just don't like the whole 'Mum friends who take their BFF kids everywhere together' thing

MrsOverTheRoad · 07/09/2017 14:10

She sounds socially anxious.

artisancraftbeer · 07/09/2017 14:16

If you don't like playdates or your child doesn't like the birthday child or whatever, you do a really quick text saying "Really sorry, we won't be able to make it that afternoon, hope it goes well" and leave it.

Its really rude just to ignore an invitation, especially after a reminder.

chocorabbit · 07/09/2017 14:32

Sorry, I haven't RTFT could she not approve of a boy being her DD friend? I know that it sounds crazy but apart from her not liking you I can't think of any other reason. It does happen that children want to be friends but their parents don't make an effort for them to meet a bit more out of school.

Only last summer I exchanged numbers with DS1 friend's mum (they were in Y6) and we took him along with my DC to the park a couple of times.

Mittens1969 · 07/09/2017 14:50

@ProseccoMamam, It's not about that though, is it? It's about replying to a party invitation fgs! The other mum knew her DS couldn't go, she could have RSVP'd much sooner. That was simply rude.

ProseccoMamam · 07/09/2017 14:54

@Mittens1969 not necessarily rude. I have anxiety and small things like returning emails, answering calls and replying to messages can cause me to panic. As a socially anxious person myself, I can relate to having to take a few days to mentally prepare yourself for an event. Sometimes I can't do that, and I feel bad for not going, so I take even more time to reply and say no because I feed rude and feel I should have replied sooner, even though I couldn't have. The OP nor anyone else on this thread know what the woman is dealing with.

Mittens1969 · 07/09/2017 15:01

I get anxious myself but I don't get why it's hard to write a text in reply. I read it excessively before sending it, and worry about offending people, but I still do it. Some things just need to be done.

She might well be anxious but we don't even know that. It's all speculation.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 07/09/2017 15:09

Of course it's totally fine for other parents to be not up for playdates etc, but I wish they'd find some way of communicating that to their own kids. DS had a pal in primary who I know didn't get to do playdates, but of course that just made the boy keener to come over to play, so DS would ask him and then I'd have to go through the whole rigmarole of asking, knowing both DS and the other boy would be disappointed. It was a bit sad all round, really.

misshelena · 07/09/2017 15:10

Prosecco Not responding to an invite is the classic example of rudeness. You may have your reasons or extenuating circumstances, but it is still rude.

Original poster

frustratedmumofboy · 07/09/2017 15:13

She probably does suffer from anxiety I think. When we went to soft play she took several changes of clothes in case her child got sweaty - we were only there 1.5 h and the kids were 5/6 ish! She was also constantly feeling his forehead. ..she stresses about school events (where they are, might they be bombed -honesty! ) I should be more patient but I am quite socially awkward myself. Problem is DS is very sociable and not happy unless he's with other kids, so I try to organise stuff (sometimes more successfully than others. ..)

OP posts:

ProseccoMamam · 07/09/2017 15:13

@misshelena rude for having an anxiety disorder. Thank you 😂
I'm leaving now

misshelena · 07/09/2017 15:45

Prosecco Rude for not replying to an invite.

Mittens1969 · 07/09/2017 15:53

@frustratedmumofboy, I definitely understand, I can find the whole process of arranging play dates to be a minefield, and DD2 in particular is sociable and loves to be with her friends.

What helps is knowing a few of our neighbours well enough for the children to play together, so I'm always able to arrange something a couple of times a week.

But yes, I agree with you, and I will also be looking forward to the time when the DDs arrange their own social diaries.

mrsRosaPimento · 07/09/2017 16:13

Anxiety is different to rude. She should let you know either way. She may have anxiety but that isn't an excuse for not letting you know.

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/09/2017 16:30

I haven't even read the full thing but had to say Leilaani - sleepovers do NOT always end in tears, or a thread on here. What crap. We'vw had plenty and the children have a great time with their pals. And children are for the majority of time at school in lessons, learning, not having fun with their mates. Sounds awful to say the can't see their friends outside of school, because they are busy doing homework, activities or having 'family time'.

Leilaniii · 10/09/2017 11:58

Kaybush Sun 10-Sep-17 11:52:50

In fact we're still giggling at my 10 yr old DD's sleepover party in June being one of the worst and most traumatic ever (mainly for the parents).

Sorry, but cut & pasted this from one of today's threads. I'm telling ye, Sleepovers from Hell - they exist .

Trollspoopglitter · 10/09/2017 12:07

"I'm that other Mum. I just can't say to her that my DS doesn't like her DS. She thinks they're buddies but they're not. Its a shame as I like the Mum but I have to avoid her now."

That's awful peachy. You're not going to hurt her feelings if you tell her! She can gently steer her child away from yours and teach her child to recognise social cues he's missed. Unless your child actually plays with hers in class and afterwards, tells you he doesn't like him. Have you ever asked the teacher if they're friends?

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