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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the other mum disapproves of me for some reason?

92 replies

frustratedmumofboy · 07/09/2017 10:53

To be honest, I think she must, I don't know why (and don't care much tbh) but it's really frustrating me because my DC and hers have been best school friends for years (Y4 now, friends since reception), and she acts really wierdly if I ever suggest the two of them do anything outside of school. We met a couple of times at soft play when they were in Y1, and my DC went for a play date at their house once, but she has always refused when I offer to reciprocate. I have suggesting meeting a neutral places (park etc.) - she says yes, then changes her mine at the last minute! So I stopped asking for a couple of years. At the beginning of the summer this year, I suggested an outdoor activity might be nice for our DCs, she promised to get back to me then didn't! Her DC has been to all of the birthday parties of mine so far, but this year, she is refusing to reply to the invitation! Well, she replied that she would 'let me know' and hasn't. My DC really wants the best friend at his birthday, and we've limited numbers to six this year (quite expensive day out venue), but we could ask someone else, if best friend can't come. We are 'friends' on Facebook, but I stopped seeing her posts as the beginning of summer, so I think I've been blocked or something - fine by me, I really wish I could just completely forget about this person - it's just sad that she can't just tolerate me for the children's friendship. I just have to manage my child's disappointment (again) I suppose . I don't understand what is so bad about me that she wants to discourage the friendship?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 07/09/2017 12:22

I welcome the time, when DC are old enough to make their own arrangements with friends.

PoisonousSmurf · 07/09/2017 12:25

It's great in secondary school. Parents don't ever have to really meet. The kids sort themselves out.

Original poster

frustratedmumofboy · 07/09/2017 12:26

PoisonousSmurf I can't wait. I wish I didn't get so emotionally involved and the sooner I don't have to have anything to do with it the better.

OP posts:

theEagleIsLost · 07/09/2017 12:26

I agree with Mummoflittledragon. Leave all this schoolyard BS behind and get your DC involved in some outside activities, if you can.

^^ This.

Had years of this - there was a lot of local place for local people .

I have to admit by this age as parties got smaller and more expesnive I was steering invites to people who would likely turn up - and my children understood that.

Original poster

frustratedmumofboy · 07/09/2017 12:28

And, yes, it's not my fault he's disappointed. But it's me that has to deal with it, without slagging off his best friend's mother too much

OP posts:

WhatwouldOliviaPopedo · 07/09/2017 12:30

Call me petty, but I would ignore her now and not respond to that question about the teacher. She only wants to engage with you on her terms, so why bother.

2017RedBlue · 07/09/2017 12:34

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

coddiwomple · 07/09/2017 12:38

meh, she's just rude. Even if you are anxious, you can just decline an invitation, you don't string it along to see if something better comes up.
Nothing to be bothered about, just ignore.

gandalf456 · 07/09/2017 12:40

Who knows what the reason is and I don't think it's healthy to overthink it. I had a mother like this when DD was smaller. Eventually, the child was moved to a different class. I do remember speculating whether this could have been to do with us. DD was devastated at the time and occasionally still mentions it but, on balance, the friendship was a bit too intense and one-sided and I think it was for the best.

I would just give her til the end of the day as suggested and invite somebody else, suggesting to your Ds that he remains friends but don't expect anything after school at all. Put the ball back in her court. You've done all you can without appearing stalkerish. It's annoying but nothing you can do, really.

crazycatgal · 07/09/2017 12:44

The mother is extremely rude - she knew her child had sports but had to be prompted several times to tell you this. Invite another child and try and get your DC to have playdates with other children outside school.

JaniceBattersby · 07/09/2017 12:47

My son goes to some of his friends' houses. Some I have to refuse for the following reasons;

then boy punches my son when he can't get his own way or they argue. It's encouraged by his father. The child is otherwise nice and he is friends with my son but there's no way I'm allowing him to be in his company at 6 without an adult there.
another child's parents have an absolutely filthy house (think nappies chucked in the garden.
another dad smacks the bum of the children when they misbehave. My son is terrified of him.
another family has a massive dog that is allowed to run freely and pin the kids down. This would terrify my son.

I haven't told any of the parents this stuff because I can't be arsed with the argument and it would offend them so I've made excuses.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/09/2017 13:04

DEFINITELY don't reply to the fishing text about the new teacher, that would be asking for trouble.

Sorry that she's been so rude about late replying to your DS's birthday invitation but at least you now know - is it too late to invite the other child now?

I hate these petty politics in the school playground. There is some beyond-puerile shit going on at DS1's school at the moment, which involves a friend of mine - she's done nothing to start it, but other people there have been in her face and she's not the sort to back down when pushed, so now there is a "mini-war" going on and the other woman involved has started sending texts to other people, suggesting that I and other friends are untrustworthy, purely because we know and talk to my friend!! It's FUCK ALL TO DO WITH US - but I'm not going to STOP talking to my friend because of all this bollocks between her and this other woman, and only someone with the mindset of a pubescent teen would think I would!

God help people who get to mid 40s and haven't resolved this sort of shit in their own heads yet.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2017 13:07

I talk to dd about grown ups not all being very grown up and there are a lot of tall children around. That can only control how we act and to accept not everyone acts how we would like. That it's about them, not us.

Dd (girl 1) hardly plays with the child, who ignored her for 6 months. I did advise Dd to wait and not immediately invite said child to hed party earlier in the year as the girl was all over dd when announced she was bringing party invites the next day. Then dropped dd like a stone. Dd is slowly seeing what the girl is like. And what some girls can be like in general when she was ganged up on by 4 girls. It was the birthday party of the second girl I discussed upthread, girl 1 also invited so it was a great opportunity to show the bitch skills they are acquiring.

Original poster

frustratedmumofboy · 07/09/2017 13:15

It's exhausting! I try not to wish my son's life away, but this sort of thing really makes me long for the day when he can sort this sort of thing our for himself!

OP posts:

MrsJamesAspey · 07/09/2017 13:21

My dd had a party years ago and several of the mums didn't reply to say their kids were coming and others couldn't make it so I changed the venue to my house.

Then got shitty messages from some of the non replying mums on the day of the party cos they'd got to the first venue to find no party 😂

If your not seeing her fb posts that means she's unfollowed you, many people don't realise but when you unfollow someone they stop seeing your posts too.

Phone her up tonight and find out one way or the other and then delete her number. When your son asks in future just say the mum never replies and encourage them to invite other friends for tea or to the park.

My kids are 15 and 13 now and both went through phases of being obsessed with having one particular child round, those children aren't their best friends anymore or even in the close friend circle.

ladystarkers · 07/09/2017 13:23

I can feel your fustration. You can't make her react differently. Nothing stranger than folk. 🤣 I would stop all invites maybe bar the birthday ones. Next year put rsvp required by x.

Mittens1969 · 07/09/2017 13:26

Jaxhog, the OP isn't bothered about whether the other mum likes her, she just wants a reply to the party invitation. I've had loads of communications with my DDs' friends' mums over party invitations, but I'm only really friends with a few of them.

OP, I had this with the mum of one of my DD2's friends. DD2 was so keen to arrange a play date with her and I tried but she never texted me back.

Then I invited that friend to DD2's party. Her mum texted back to say she would come, but then they didn't turn up. I had a message from the mum the following day saying they got the date wrong. The friend told my DD that she hadn't been well. Hmmm, I think she just didn't want her DD to come.

I've given up now, DD2 has other friends who she sees outside school. The girls keep falling out anyway these days, so it's not worth pursuing.

Ttbb · 07/09/2017 13:36

Maybe she has social anxiety? Maybe she doesn't want your children to be friends? Maybe she's just really busy (and forgetful). You won't know unless you ask.

gandalf456 · 07/09/2017 13:38

She is probably unlikely to tell the truth if it's something along the lines of not wanting the children to be friends, though

Mittens1969 · 07/09/2017 13:45

I've seen the update, that's really odd. I think PPs may well be right that the mum could have social anxiety, but it's not your issue. I have a little of that myself but there's never an excuse not to reply to a party invitation after several reminders. Especially when you know that your DS has a prior engagement.

Donttouchthethings · 07/09/2017 13:50

Could it be that messaging through fb is the best way to get hold of her? (I speak as someone with phone signal issues in my house and an almost full mailbox.) I might be tempted to reply something like:

"Been trying to contact you for a while about Saturday. So I know for next time, is this the best way to reach you?"

MrsJayy · 07/09/2017 13:53

She sounds a self absorbed loon who says no he isn't going btw do you like the new teacher op sorry your son will be upset just say to him that friend is busy that day,

Mumof41987 · 07/09/2017 13:54

I hate pushy parents that insist on play dates . I just don't like mixing with all the school mums and meeting up at places outside of school . Maybe I am boring but I just like doing things alone with kids when they are not at school

Mumof41987 · 07/09/2017 13:55

I do however always reply to invites and get my kids to as many as I can make . If we can't make a party I always rsvp either via invite slip or message on fb or text

peachybeachy · 07/09/2017 14:04

I'm that other Mum. I just can't say to her that my DS doesn't like her DS. She thinks they're buddies but they're not. Its a shame as I like the Mum but I have to avoid her now.

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