Kids shouldn't be treat like this - martial arts

[WhatJustHappened1]

I took my 4 year old to see about starting a martial arts class a couple of days ago.
(This class was supposed to be a 'preparation' class for 4 year old kids.)

The kids were ushered into a room with a window the size of a bathroom mirror, just big enough to squash 2 parents faces up against it and the room was soundproofed so we couldn't even hear what was happening!

I slightly opened the door and heard the instructor telling the kids in a snappy voice to just behave!

He went to talk to my son who stepped back from him when he reached to touch him (we have taught him no-one should touch him without permission) and I have no idea what the instructor said but my son was soon in floods of tears... I've never seen my son react that way to anyone before.

We left immediately after complaining to the manager who made light of it.

I am still angry about it.

This can't be normal can it? Surely most martial arts centres don't make the parents wait away from their kids?

My DS went to a dojo where parents were very welcome, it was light, airy and we could all see what went on. I don't like the sound of this place.

No it's weird and parents are usually able to seat present at classes?
I wouldn't like my kids being in a soundproof room with a stranger tbh

My DS used to do martial arts and we could see them on a cctv screen or through a small window so it sounds similar to the set up yours had. Did your DS say what had upset him?

Sounds fairly standard to me. I haven't been allowed to watch my DDs' ballet classes since they were under 2 (exceptions made for very upset children obviously).

Also gymnastics not allowed to watch. Maybe places are just strict around here!

Not sure about martial arts as we don't do them. I did them when I was younger though and discipline was extremely important.

Surely this is a safety issue? I'd never leave my son alone with strangers.

He has some minor speech issues so he doesn't really talk much but he just kept sobbing and repeating he wanted to go home.

I think we will wait a few more months until he is 5 and have a look around a few different places!

Their clubs are usually very good... www.gt-uk.net
But found things very from club to club. My DC started around age 6 and doing exceptionally well. They always have the door open - classic sports hall no windows.
I d look for something else!!!

Presumably though they are DBS checked (I know that is no guarantee of course) and are instructors though? I don't see it as any different from leaving them at school or nursery. They are not random people you found off the street!

That said it is unusual not to be able to watch the first class. Even the strictest places have let me do that.

Can you try a different school? At that age I would expect to watch

Regarding the touching though your DS won't get far in martial arts without it, you will need to speak to him about it

It is usual for the teacher to be quite strict compared to other activities- a lot of parents send their children to teach them discipline (in a good way)

Did you talk to the instructor? In DS3's dojo it is very common for teachers to pat students on the shoulder or move them to make the position that's correct, they also train away from their parents, it's something your son might just have to learn to deal with. Of course, if the teacher was rude to him all bets are off but I wouldn't go in with all guns blazing right at the start.

Depends on the venue. The sensis/senseises(?) tend to be stern and brusque with the kids to get them to be respectful and disciplined. It's usually a big act but to be honest, not many kids will have come across shouty teachers or instructors, and it will be a shock for a lot of them to have someone yell at them or tell them that if they don't do as they are told they will be sent home and not allowed to come back.

Out dojo was strict with the children (they need to be or it can be dangerous) and parents would rat on their kids if they fought with their siblings or didn't do their homework. They would be taken aside at the end of the class for a talking to. Discipline is quite strict - the kids who wouldn't listen were asked to leave - these were usually ones who thought they were Power Rangers, had parents who encouraged them to 'be boys' - i.e. Violent, or the ones whose parents told them that they didn't have to follow club rules - yes really, rules for everyone apart from your kid.

Most kids really enjoyed it. Of course the sensei could be a prat. We had a swimming teacher who just gave off such a grumpy aura he made all the kids cry. He was a miserable git.

Wow, go somewhere else. At our dojo, the young ones used to climb up on the teacher's knees while he talked, he was so adorable to them, and to the parents. Parents were always welcomed inside.

Why was the child upset though?

We weren't allowed to sit and observe DS1's karate classes either except through a monitor that had a live feed of what was going on. It's a discipline thing and it also allows the kids to let go of any insecurities and inhibitions they might have if their parents are watching.

Your DS was probably crying because he isn't used to that kind of discipline, which a lot of kids aren't.

Speak to the teacher about it.

We have a couple of benches in ours but it is very tight for space, here's the risk of getting whacked and it smells like a locker room! In my old dojo adults could sit on the floor at the back if they really wanted.

I think it's not really the thing - the idea is that the kids are handed over to the wise teachers who teach them self control discipline, sensei, hei!

My daughter has attended a karate class for a number of yrs and we are allowed in and some families attend the class to participate together. However, he is very strict re behaviour and discipline but he is very open about this!

Both ds's dance lessons were strictly drop and leave only. Parents were free to watch the first lesson but but after that we were not allowed in the studio at all as the teachers found the kids would be too distracted if parents were there.

I'd assume it's an instillation of discipline - although I've not done any martial arts...I'm just thinking about a friend who's son does.
As for not touching - that's not really going to work with martial arts!

As parents, we're allowed to watch the classes, but no phones, be quiet and don't talk to our children when they're on the mat. Sensei can be a very grumpy git, but he has pretty much every student under control and they do as they're told.

I do notice that if there's another Sensei taking the class, the discipline can slip slightly, so they obviously know who's in charge!

It is usual for the teacher to be quite strict compared to other activities- a lot of parents send their children to teach them discipline (in a good way)

I agree with this, having done three different martial arts myself. Discipline is essential.

I took my DTDs to a martial arts class when they were 5. The sensei was a top-class asshole - he kept calling the little ones brats, and telling them how stupid they were. He then had a 30 minute talk and demonstration with all the big kids standing in front, so the littlies at the back couldn't see anything, and then got very upset with them when their attention wandered. He then proceeded to have the little 5yo complete beginners spar against 13yo purple belts. Me and the girls were so disgusted, that they completely lost interest in ever trying martial arts again .

DS's dojo for mixed martial arts and cage fighting was open plan with seats for parents. Even in the cage area, which was in a gym, parents were welcome to watch, from.the really little children at 3 or 4 right up to the older teens.

The senseis could be robust in their manner, but were never unkind. They may instruct the small ones and tell them off if they messed about, but it would be followed up by the sensei telling the whole class why it was important to do what the children had been asked to do, the lesson would pause and they would be asked to sit in a circle for the explanation.

Martial arts involves a lot of physical contact, some of it will be unwelcome.

Most classes for any extra curricular are drop and leave.

Maybe your son is too young to start that kind of activity if he an't cope without you being there. (that sounds harsh but isn't meant to be)>

At our martial arts parents do watch from the side but if it's only a small room, I guess there just isn't physically space.

Ours is strictly but super fun. Yes the instructors are loud and do shout but never in a scary way. They get respect from being the best at what they do, being strong and fun.

Certainly our karate is a very physical contact sport though. I don't think you could really join in if you didn't want to be touched. The kids all fight/grapple/ practise moves on each other. Then the 6'4 male instructor, almost without fail each week, lifts some of the 4-6 yr olds above his head and throws them about, all safely though as he knows what he's doing.

They will also touch students to correct their stance, position of their limbs etc and push them to make them fall over if they're practicing falling safely.

What did the other kids seem to be like? Did they seem to be enjoying it? In which case it may just take a couple of sessions to get used to it. If they looked scared or miserable then find a different dojo/sensai.

Agree with others that martial arts is very strict. It also involves contact (both from others when doing the moves) and likely from the instructor when he is trying to show them how to move properly.

I think 4 is very young to start (accepting that yours was a class aimed at 4 year olds) - DS's group doesn't recommend starting until 7.

Totally standard to just leave your child at many groups at age 4. If they are not ready for this, they are probably not ready for the group.