Kids shouldn't be treat like this - martial arts

[WhatJustHappened1]

I took my 4 year old to see about starting a martial arts class a couple of days ago.
(This class was supposed to be a 'preparation' class for 4 year old kids.)

The kids were ushered into a room with a window the size of a bathroom mirror, just big enough to squash 2 parents faces up against it and the room was soundproofed so we couldn't even hear what was happening!

I slightly opened the door and heard the instructor telling the kids in a snappy voice to just behave!

He went to talk to my son who stepped back from him when he reached to touch him (we have taught him no-one should touch him without permission) and I have no idea what the instructor said but my son was soon in floods of tears... I've never seen my son react that way to anyone before.

We left immediately after complaining to the manager who made light of it.

I am still angry about it.

This can't be normal can it? Surely most martial arts centres don't make the parents wait away from their kids?

Yes he's getting on now which is a shame as when he stops teaching, it's likely his methods will also go with him. He's taught most of the instructors in our area (in fact every other instructor I've tried was originally taught by him) and none use the same teaching methods as they don't encourage member numbers.

OverTheHammer

"doesn't encourage member numbers". Sounds like a very good instructor. I'm very proud of the fact that I failed my first dan, not once, but three times. I finally passed on my fourth attempt in August 1982. 96 took the grading, 12 of us passed. I was passionate about my training, so much so, that I travelled to Japan to study. I apologise if I sounded patronising, but I do get pissed off when I hear on here about 'little' darlings being shouted at. Lol, us advanced grades were beat with a bamboo stick!! Its refreshing to hear that there are some 'old' school instructors about.

OP, did you take your 4yo to a martial arts class without explaining to him that it would most likely involve physical contact? No wonder he was upset.

If you sign up for a class then surely the instructor is no more a stranger than his teacher on his first day at school?

My son does a martial art class and his instructor is strict but fair and also encouraging. ( and very kaid back in other ways) Parents are encouraged to take an interest and can stay if they wish ( none do unless it's a very young child's 1st time)

Touching is fine if it's to position an arm or leg so you need to explain this to your child if he goes elsewhere.
But you need to find out why he was crying. Maybe the shouting scared him when instructor shouted out instructions? Some shout loudly to get everyones attention as different grades will be doing different patterns. Maybe it was just a bit too much for him and instructor trying to touch him scared him?

If it was anything other than that it's definately not acceptable there is no need for bullying ( nor punching!!!) to get instructions across especially very young new starters.

Find a class that welcomes small kids and sit in for first lesson.

My son's Taekewondo was open to the parents to watch too. I would not go bAck and if you can warn other parents online, you should do so

Btw, my son's class did not touch other students until they reached to certain belts (which ended up them being older)

I am a sports coach. Not ma, but still.

We don't allow parents to watch for several reasons- a) they nearly always start taking photos and video, which is strictly prohibited. B) they will start waving/distracting c) they start teaching, coaching and disciplining from the side. I need your child listening to me, not constantly looking at you for approval or to see if you are angry. D) they will start comparing their kid with kid x. Why did they do that? Why can't little johnny do it? Why dont you make him do it/leave him alone? Little johnny needs to be in the next group up...

No I agree with you, if you can't bear your precious kids being shouted at, don't take them to karate! Both my kids hated karate for this reason - because people these days are not used to proper discipline.

I remember when he did teach kids, very few of them stayed and those that did behaved and went on to do very well.

I've never been beaten with sticks as he admits he wouldn't get away with that these days 😁 But he often tells stories of his training days which involved kicking metal pillars and having bad form beaten out of them. He trained at Judd St Dojo, have you heard of it?

He went to talk to my son who stepped back from him when he reached to touch him (we have taught him no-one should touch him without permission)

That's unrealistic and unnecessary. What you should've taught him is that no one should touch him if it makes him feel uncomfortable.

He's going to have to do a lot of touching if he's going to continue with martial arts.

DD does karate and is a brown belt. She has been going for just over 4 years, so since she was 7, nearly 8.

The class started as fun, mainly games and some karate thrown in, then more karate and less games. Now she does a mix of lessons. She enjoys the ones with games, but is actually in those to help teach. The lessons she goes to are solid karate, but she has built up to this. She even attends adult only classes sometimes, but that is because she behaves in an adult way and is obsessed with karate.

The way your DS had his first lesson was entirely wrong. It will not encourage him to want to learn, but put him off.

My eldest DD also did Tae Kwon Do, was taught in a very similar way to DD2.

Wait a few months for him to get over this and then try again with another class, maybe outlining your experience and seeking reassurance that it will not happen there.

My dcs do various martial arts and gymnastics as well as football and mixed sports classes and parents are welcome at all of the classes. Without exception all the instructors have been great with kids and I've never seen a child upset by something the instructor has said, I also never see children distracted by their parents- they enjoy what they are doing and have no interest in me when they're doing it. Tbh I would wonder what was being hidden if I couldn't see or hear what was going on. I'd find a better class.

Qualified karate instructor here..., our club welcomes parents watching and at that age we would certainly ask the parents to stay for the first few sessions anyway. We do take children from as young as four but generally suggest 6/7 is a better age but it does depend on the child, we have a couple of very young ones at the moment who are doing really well.

In all my years of teaching I have hardly ever had to shout, the only times it has happened was when I could see a potential accident. I'm friendly, kind, fun (i hope!) but our students respect me and behave.

Honestly i would look at another dojo, i wouldn't take my child back to that one. Or is true however that your child will have to be made aware that touching will happen, quite apart from the fact it is a contact sport an instructor will need to correct positioning and demonstrate things.

I teach martial arts and parents have always been welcome to watch. If I sent my dc to another sports class I would expect to watch a few lessons before leaving them. How can you possibly know if they have a good teacher if you're not allowed to watch?

Our club policy is that children can start training at the age of 5. I think this is too young, and if I owned the club I would set a minimum age of 7. Leave it a while before finding another class for your ds.

Just want to say thank-you for all your helpful replies.
I will admit I am a bit too PFB with my DS (this may stem from me being abused so I am now over protective of him) but you've given me something to think about with teaching him about people giving him instructions and disciplining before he starts school.
I may try to find a class again but one where I can watch for my peace of mind more than anything.

Dis he know what to expect and really want to go? Maybe he was a bit scared that he would get hit?

You could find a family class and do it with him? That's my plan when my two get old enough - I hold a black belt but have been out of training for a while. I do think 4 is quite little to be starting karate though - they do need a level of emotional maturity to cope with the discipline of the class. Maybe wait until he's nearer 6 and has had some time in school?

Family class might be an idea. But remember there is often a good reason (that has nothing to do with abuse or harsh discipline) for not wanting parents in class. Some children simply cannot concentrate when mum is watching, some parents are very distracting. Most ballet classes don't allow it for this reason.

Always a good idea to give him a briefing before any new activity starts.

Making him afraid of all other adults isn't actually going to safe-guard him at all; it can easily have the opposite effect.

My ds do tae kwon do and parents aren't allowed in the room. He is strict but think it's almost part of the respect thing that goes along with it. It doesn't sound like he is quiet ready for it but it's rare once school age for parents to be allowed stay.

I go to a fantastic dojo, totally open plan, so parents sit on the sides. The instructors are awsome, and are very skilled in their teaching. They are very kiddie centred, I am dyspraxic and dyslexic, they are so patient. No its not right, I would find another centre.