Kids shouldn't be treat like this - martial arts

[WhatJustHappened1]

I took my 4 year old to see about starting a martial arts class a couple of days ago.
(This class was supposed to be a 'preparation' class for 4 year old kids.)

The kids were ushered into a room with a window the size of a bathroom mirror, just big enough to squash 2 parents faces up against it and the room was soundproofed so we couldn't even hear what was happening!

I slightly opened the door and heard the instructor telling the kids in a snappy voice to just behave!

He went to talk to my son who stepped back from him when he reached to touch him (we have taught him no-one should touch him without permission) and I have no idea what the instructor said but my son was soon in floods of tears... I've never seen my son react that way to anyone before.

We left immediately after complaining to the manager who made light of it.

I am still angry about it.

This can't be normal can it? Surely most martial arts centres don't make the parents wait away from their kids?

He went to talk to my son who stepped back from him when he reached to touch him (we have taught him no-one should touch him without permission)

then how do you expect him to do martial arts ?

I don't think children are ready for martial arts before about 9-10 years of age. We left ours because the guy doing it was a grade A asshole who liked to publicly humiliate and scream at the kids. It seems to be quite common in tae Kwon do and karate. They found other sports....

Find a family session, that way you can join in too.

Sounds normal to me (apart from not being able to watch, never had that before).

But
a) 4 is far too young for martial arts
B) martial arts is all about physical contact so he'll need to get over that fear in any martial arts class
C) martial arts instructors are shouty and strict, especially the old school ones! I'm still terrified of my instructor and I'm 36.

Was it GKR karate by any chance? If so, they're a bunch of clowns. Find actual martial arts instructors.

My dh runs a martial arts club. Traditionally what you described is normal, however, for the last 10 - 15 years, nearly all organisations in the UK have moved to a more open approach and require any clubs registered with them to conform.

Advice is there should always be 2 adults present in the room, at least 1 must be a DBS checked instructor and the other either a DBS checked instructor or an independent parent of an attending child.

Parents should always be welcome in the training hall except for formal exams but again 2 adults must be present.

It is acceptable to touch a child's arm or leg to correct positioning but the instructor should tell them what they are going to do first. Eg your elbow should be bent more, let me show you. As another adult is always present, this is acceptable.

Whilst discipline is important to martial arts (not least because of safety. A child running around could accidentally take a nasty kick to the head), the UK does not have the same culture as the countries these arts come from and it should be adapted properly. Unfortunately, some instructors trained under the old regimes and see no need to adapt.

Generally, 5 is considered the youngest age a child should start training and any club that takes children that age should behave in an appropriate manner.

My daughter does ju jitsu and parents don't stay in the room .Her sensi is fantastic,he is firm but never unkind and teaches the children well and She loves going . She was incredibly shy, when she started and she is now much more confident and doing brillant.Martial arts is about learning discipline and is very strict .It Perhaps try a different and a different sensei.

Martial arts has heavy contact(both ds went and loved it )There are places where there is no contact sparring(ds also attended and hated it ). Maybe try somewhere else.

For an idea of "old school" karate instructors ... mine doesn't reposition your arm, he punches it or hammers it into the correct position. The last time he did it I bruised but ... my arm has not been in the wrong position in that particular kata since 😁

Some don't like it but I much prefer the non- nanby pamby approach. This particular instructor no longer teaches children incidently 😂

Over, you have brought back memories of my martial arts classes years ago

OverTheHammer

I'm really glad that your instructor no longer teaches children. I am however concerned that he teaches at all as in my opinion he is not suitable to teach anyone, given your comments. Your instructor isn't old school he is merely a bully. Change instructor.

Very normal. We don't get to watch ballet or gymnastics. Surely if you are worried about safety you've asked about police checks and it's the same as leaving him at school (safer really as it's lots of kids in one room and not 1-2-1).

Seriously? I used to be covered in bruises (adult classes)! We used to compare them as badges of honour! I was corrected like that all the time by many different instructors and senior students. It wasn't bullying .

Fair enough. I take it then that you would have no objection to the instructor covering a four year old in bruises given as you say it is just a badge of honour, Words fail me they really do.

I clearly stated that it was adult classes. Of course I wouldn't want an instructor covering a four year old in bruises.

I'm completely lost why you have put your child into a contact sport when 'no one can touch him without permission' - and why you'd never leave your child with strangers - they are sport teachers, are you this precious at school?

FenceSitter01 My thoughts exactly.

I first took karate lessons with this instructor when I was 14. I'm now 36 and have been through a number of instructors before finding my way back to this guy. Nobody else compares. From the age of 14 I've been able to take a punch, take been thrown to the ground, pushed around and physically manipulated into ungodly positions. Let's just say it would take a lot of take me down these days 😁

But yeah, for me it's old school all the way. Contact sparring against 6ft blokes too - love it. I'd quite like to try my hand at mixed martial arts/cage fighting but as a nurse, I'm not sure turning up to work black and blue would go down too well with matron.

OverTheHammer

Thank you for your reply. It's fair to say it has cheered me up no end. Old school you say? So if i'm correct you were training circa 1995. Trust me, that really isn't old school. What style of Karate did you train in? Who was your instructor? Who graded your instructor? Trust me, you really have no idea about 'old school' karate.

My instructor is now an 8th dan and was taught by Japanese instructors. Don't want to name them on here but pm me if you're that interested!

Style is wado ryu. And yes, 1995 era and my instructor was getting on a bit back then. But thanks for your patronising reply, you're clearly the expert 😁

I took my son to karate lessons and the parents were actively encouraged to join in. The instructor was strict but about to deal with the varying ages of children in an appropriate manner. More experienced children were there to help the newbies and they were all well behaved listened and really enjoyed themselves.

OverTheHammer

Hi, thanks again for the reply. Lol at being called an expert. I am in no way an expert. However, I was graded Sandan after studying full time at the JKA head quarters in Japan in the late eighties. I started my training in September 1976 and gave up in 1991 after being frustrated be the decrease in standards. Wadu Ryu is an excellent style, not one that I practised, but a respected one any way. I must reiterate that you have no idea about 'old school' karate if you only commenced your training in the mid nineties.

Well clearly at 36 I wasn't going to have training in the 70s but my instructor was already shodan by that point and he certainly did teach old school methods - as he had been taught himself.

Fair enough. I really can't argue with that as I wasn't there. If that is true then you are lucky.

We can't watch for swimming classes or gym as it's too distracting for the children and to stop the pushy parents so I wouldn't expect to stay for Judo or Karate.

We also can't stay for cubs!

Has he said why he was crying? Did you ask the Instructor why he was crying?

Were any other children crying too?
Are you sure that you are ready for him to go to a class alone OP?