to think you don't buy a sex toy for a 15 year old?

[CatsPurr]

I went to a friends for lunch. Its her daughters birthday next week and she will be turning 15. She is a single mum and they are very close. They are extremely open about everything in their lives with each other.

Daughter has a boyfriend, they haven't had sex but friend seems to think its a good idea for her daughter to explore her own needs and wants before having sex. Daughter is on the pill. I really didn't know what to say, just kinda snorted water out my nose as drinking at the time and went a bit dumb. Friend just looked at me and said I was being a prude (she has always had this opinion of me) and thinks it is great she is her daughters best friend.

I am gobsmacked. Am I being a prude?? Am I so out of the loop this is the done thing? My daughter is 6 so not come up yet but can't see me doing this. Though I would always be open about contraception etc

She hasn't bought it yet. Said she is going to get it as a surprise...

Wtaf!

"I have an almost 16 year old DD and I can't imagine that crossing my mind."

Indeed, in fact I am 60 and my DD is 32. I am still her parent and she is still my daughter, and we're both pretty cool with that.

I would be surprised at anyone who doesn't think the mother's behaviour is odd to say the least - safeguarding

Your friend is abusing her daughter, she needs to understand her daughter is NOT her friend.
I would contact SS.

By dodgy, I think they were suggesting you were a troll. I have to admit my first instinct was to do an advanced search on your user name - it turns out you have posted a lot of stuff on absolutely above-board topics. But this is exactly the sort of thing we also see posted by the hairy handed, box of kleenex at their elbow type, hoping that a load of naive mums will post anecdotes of how they bought sex toys for their underage daughters. I've seen it happen, I've seen the threads deleted. That's why people are suspicious.

But yes, grim.

I'd be worried that it would damage or interfere with her future sex life. If she starts using a vibrator now, surely she's conditioning herself to orgasm only from strong vibrations.

I'm CONVINCED that awkward fumblings and trying desperately to orgasm at the hands of a clumsy 15-year-old boy makes you more orgasmic later in life!

How sad, poor girl. I agree with what pastafairy said - you can involve the designated safeguarding lead via the school (used to be called the child protection officer) confidentially and let them deal with it. It sounds like your 'friend' has some serious issues and I feel very sorry for the daughter.

Grim.

As everyone else has said, this (along with supplying alcohol) is dodgy. If true, you need to report to school safeguarding officer or children's services.

I work in child protection.

I think the daughter is quite vulnerable in this situation. Sometimes these setups involve the mother and daughter going out together because they get more attention as a pair. This child has already been sexualised early and could potentially be at risk from exposure to older men.

My aunt was one of those who wanted to be her DCs mate rather than a parent and admitted to me she wanted to be 'cool'. I found it pathetic. She would also discuss random men on the street with her 12 year old DD and had naked pictures of men around the house (from behind). Her DD was sex mad, got pregnant young, had abortion, got pregnant again, had child, is a shit mum and lurches from 1 waste of space to another because she will 'fall in love' with any male that so much as glances at her. All encouraged by her 'cool' mum. I wouldn't have been surprised if she had bought her DD a sex toy.

There is absolutely no need for a parent to buy there offspring a sex toy ever, regardless off age. If my mum bought me one now I'd die a thousand deaths. Yuk yuk yuk.
Keep your distance, she's a weirdo.

*their

I am close to my 19 yr old sexually active daughter and we do talk about sex/contraception etc but would never do this it's horrible.

I couldn't think of anything more embarrassing. That's not on at all

I am not a troll, regular name changer and been here a while.

I am going to call her later when I know my kids are asleep. I am going to say I think she needs to be more mother than friend, hopefully she will understand my point but I won't hild my breath.

Are you sure she's not just taking the piss out of you op? You said she called you a prude, maybe she is just being a bit of a cow, rather than a scarily inappropriate parent.

I honestly don't think it is that bad tbh.

It's widely accepted that boys masturbate from a young age (11 or 12ish, some earlier) and that it is normal and healthy, but female masturbation, especially in teen girls, is still seen as so taboo. Female masturbation for many is a lot easier with an aid, surely having something that is SAFE and designed for the purpose to use is better than her using random objects that could cause injury or harm. You'd be surprised how many girls out there are already using things like hair brushes and the like to experiment with at hr daughters age or younger putting themselves at risk.

They have a close relationship and feel comfortable discussing sex and other intimate topics, that is a GOOD thing. She's about to be 15, no doubt has questions and curiosities about her body and sexual pleasure, and there is no obligation for her to actually use the toy her mum buys her, she just has it there as an option if she chooses to experiment. Her mums objective is for her daughter to have some body confidence and for any sexual experiences she has to be safe, mutually pleasurable, as they should be, but for many women, especially younger ones in their first relationships, aren't.

When i was in highschool loads of the kids in my class had lost their virginity at 14, several had needed abortions (one girl had her THIRD abortion barely a month past her 14th birthday) and at least once a fortnight someone new was having a pregnancy scare.
Her daughter is on the pill which is responsible, and she's doing a damn good job imo teaching her child sex and masturbation is natural, healthy and nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

Odd, very odd.

Almost, there's a difference (I think) between having the "masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy to do in private" conversation and buying your daughter a vibrator.

We've had an awful lot of reports about this thread, and we can see why.

We're going to suspend posting for the time being while we take a closer look behind the scenes.

Thanks for all the reports!