To think that people who are not religious are as "moral" as those who are

[inadifficultsituation]

Talking to a couple of colleagues the other day, they reckon that people who practise their religion are less likely to get divorced as they don't give up on marriage so easily.

AIBU to think that this negates how hard everyone finds divorce, and it is not only religious people who work at staying married ?

It was the ease with which they said it and the assumptions behind it which annoyed me. Especially as I am getting divorced, am not religious, and have stayed in a difficult marriage for years - trying to hold things together.

There was also a lot of talk of things being in "God's hands". Which just left me wondering how many people put up with abuse because they think it is somehow their fate, and also because they fear the disapproval of family and friends.

YANBU. Reformed evangelical Christian and now card carrying hell bound atheist here. There were a lot of couples in my former church who were downright miserable with each other but didn't have a way out. Was very sad, especially the couple who got together at 16, married at 20, and clearly hated each other by 21.

YANBU - I consider myself to be a Christian (although a liberal one at that) but I don't believe that makes me any more moral or less likely to be divorced etc.

I think people who come out with statements like this are naive and disillusioned.

Me and my husband are atheist and completely against organised religion. We've been together 17 years, married 11 and still very happily married.

I would consider both of us to have high morals, socially conscious and ethical.

Our feelings against religion are due to the sometimes fanatical nature of religious groups and the way that different 'sects' can interpret the same core texts and teachings to meet their own agendas at the exclusion of groups that don't adhere or fit to their way of thinking.

I strongly believe in the core beliefs that in my view seem to make up every religion like

• be kind
• consider others
• be charitable and offer your help wherever possible
• be mindful of your actions and their impact
• don't hurt other people

,...............

The idea that you should share your life fever with someone you don't like anymore so you don't offend other people in your religion seems absurd to me.

It's immature and judgemental. Relationships and divorce are uniquely personal to those involved, why would you question who does and doesn't work at it.

You can't question people's morality then say it's in God's hands, that doesn't make sense.

YANBU and Sam Harris agrees -

www.samharris.org/the-moral-landscape

Look at the Humanists UK

Yanbu.

If the only thing preventing you from raping, murdering and theiving is the threat of eternal punishment from a sky god then you are not a good or moral person.

That exactly what I've always felt Karalime.

I had quite a falling out with a friend when I told her about a kind act someone had done for my DD and her response was 'Oh I can see the hand of god there'.

No, it's a kind act by a kind person, it's got nothing to do with the 'hand of god'. She believes in her god so clearly to her only someone who is guided by that god can carry out a kind thoughtful act; it's so arrogant and self righteous.

I agree with everything that Katescurios says, particularly about taking the bits that most major religions share about treating each other kindly and doing good deeds because it's the right thing to do

I agree, but I don't think avoiding divorce is necessarily 'moral'. I always find people who make a virtue out of not getting divorced, or who use that rhetoric of 'giving up on marriage,' pretty creepy. Staying in a bad relationship does not make you a 'moral' person. If you have children, I'd argue it may even be a morally suspect decision. So please don't let anyone make you feel guilty for divorcing - you know what your reasons are and no one else except your ex-partner and the court need to know them.

YANBU.

I was brought up Catholic and consider myself as a non practicing catholic. I consider myself to be reasonably moral I am obviously not perfect.

One thing a retired police officer told me in the back woods of the USA. Laws are pointless as 90% of people will do the right thing regardless of the law. The remaining 10% will always do the wrong thing regardless of the law.

Don't know if religious ppl are more likely to stay in a marriage, but ime some of the ppl with the least morals are religious.
Once bumped a car at a campsite while driving dc round in a go kart, small scratch but new car so agreed to pay costs of repair up to a certain amount. When notified owner had it fixed, asked her to send a pic of the receipt, as you do. Very glad i had- she had carefully altered the total to read the max i had agreed on even though it cost a fifth of that (as i found after being suspicious and phoning the repair ppl). She was v adamant that it was fair- "as a Christian" she wouldn't ever try and be dishonest!
Then there's the local vicar who had an affair and ran off with ow..
So i dont think being religious is any indication of having better morals than others at all!

Absolutely. The most 'morally religious' people I know are also the most horribly racist...practicing a religion doesn't make anyone better than anyone else

YANBU x millions.

So many religious people I know have been deceived by demonic forces - and done horrible things

Most non religious people I know have simply not

I don't believe religious people to be more moral.

But I do think it's hard to understand the mindset if you've not lived within it. I was raised in an evangelical Christian church and divorce was simply unheard of. I have family who believe that there are no circumstances where divorce is acceptable - not even domestic violence or adultery. Their logic on it is very simplistic - if you walk with God he will choose a suitable husband/wife for you. If you end up in miserable marriage, it's because you didn't listen to God and choose correctly so you have to live with the consequences.

I disagree strongly (not least because a lot of evangelical Christian teaching revolves around women obeying their husbands and becoming a baby making machines, and that feeling happy and fulfilled in a relationship should come from serving your husband) but they honestly can't grasp that divorce is not to do with lacking moral fibre.

I think they are less likely to divorce because they are trapped ... I am capable of knowing when something is right or wrong and don't let a religious authority command my views ( see gay marriage, mixed race families etc). Plus, divorce is not a sin, it is not the worst thing in the world if done amicably, it is not the end of society as we know it's

Morality =/= staying married.

I bet that, statistically, very religious people worldwide are less likely to get divorced. I don't think this has anything to do with their moral fibre.

Remaining in a miserable marriage is a pretty easy decision for some people to make if they believe that the alternative is eternal damnation. It really is that straightforward for a lot of people.

I'm a practicing Christian. I don't believe that people who attend religious services (of any flavour) are more moral than people who don't.

There are "good" people everywhere and of course you can find "bad" people in religious groups too.

It's an odd and deeply unhelpful thing to say in relation to divorce.

I'm sorry they hurt your feelings and insulted you.

Being religious and moral are not mutually exclusive. However I'd be surprised if the divorce rate isn't significantly lower among them.

Makes sense -- if it has been drummed into you that it is immoral to divorce, I think it's easy to understand why you'd be reluctant to divorce.

But this has nothing to do with "morals". Religious folks are less likely to divorce because they are too scared to be judged by their religious peers. It's not morals, it's FEAR that's keeping religious ppl married. Fear of being judged, being ostracized, fear of going to hell, fear of not landing somewhere better, etc.

I think you've confused being moral and marital status!!

I think religious people are more likely to stay in bad marriages, which is stupid and not remotely praise-worthy.

Oh your post is different to what I thought from the title but what i was going to say is that, if anything, Atheists are more moral than religious people because when they try to do good in their life it's not for the hope or aim of getting into heaven for it.

I wasn't a very moral person (raised in an abusive home by an alcoholic so my compass was well off). I then became a (liberal) Christian and I (personally) am now more moral as a consequence. I am not more moral than a non Christian. I do attend a church that does a lot of good work (we do a lot to help the homeless, student support, debt help, DV support etc), but any organisation can do that (and a lot do who are non religious in our area).
It was important for me to go to a church where it's not about judging and 'aren't we better' (some church's I've been to in America were like that). For me Christianity is about what we do, not what we don't do.

As for marriage, I must admit I know more christians who are married and would not divorce thinking God put them together, I can't comment though on how happy they are as a consequence of this pp have said. Especially when they marry young, which I see quite a lot.