To think that people who are not religious are as "moral" as those who are

[inadifficultsituation]

Talking to a couple of colleagues the other day, they reckon that people who practise their religion are less likely to get divorced as they don't give up on marriage so easily.

AIBU to think that this negates how hard everyone finds divorce, and it is not only religious people who work at staying married ?

It was the ease with which they said it and the assumptions behind it which annoyed me. Especially as I am getting divorced, am not religious, and have stayed in a difficult marriage for years - trying to hold things together.

There was also a lot of talk of things being in "God's hands". Which just left me wondering how many people put up with abuse because they think it is somehow their fate, and also because they fear the disapproval of family and friends.

I dont get why marriage us so moral and divorce so ammoral anyway.
Do they live in the dark ages?
Marriage is a great way of controlling women though!

I find the original post confusing. It states that the colleagues thought religious people were more likely to remain married. I think there is possibly some truth in that.

The OP then goes on to presume these colleagues assumed they were saying they thought religious people were more moral, which is in no way implied by suggesting people are less likely to divorce.

Might it be, OP that you feel concerned that people will see you as weak for divorcing and thus took their comments out of context? Or was there more evidence that they see divorce as a sign that someone is amoral?

It could be true, but I don't think there's anything morally admirable about staying in an unhappy marriage just to avoid getting divorced.

That is a case where what people believe to be 'moral' differs. I don't think it is morally admirable to stay in an unhappy marriage either, but I know lots of people who do believe that. They think they are right, I think I am right.

I dont get why marriage us so moral and divorce so ammoral anyway.
Do they live in the dark ages?
Marriage is a great way of controlling women though!

I'd say that is exactly why. I have, in the recent past, sat through church sermons bemoaning this modern idea of men and women making decisions together within a marriage. Memorably, one minister said that if a husband was going to blow the family life savings on some stupid investment, a good Christian wife wouldn't try to talk him out of it, because it is not her place to question his judgement. This wasn't in 1950, it was about three years ago. Apparently any man who lets his wife make decisions is failing God by not taking control of her. Any woman who questions her husband i failing God by getting ideas above her station. When people are raised from childhood to believe that any deviation from that is going to result in going to hell, it's not that hard to see why they stick to it. What is 50 years of marriage compared with eternity?

Not all those who practice religion are particularly immoral or moral. Not all atheists are moral or immoral. It's a spectrum.
Most people are good people- or at least try to be.
Divorce is less likely in a religious couple. Many religious marriages are very happy. Some are not.
I suspect our hedonistic culture with a need for instant gratification has more to answer for regarding societal failings than religion per se.

Some of my inlaws are very religious, and very 'concerned' for those that havent got god...

They are just quite....oh goodness struggling for words as they are lovely....lets go for smug

So BIL was telling us how someone gace then their restaurant discount slip as they were leaving the holiday ....so this isnt just a normal thing to do, this person was obviously a christian

And if someone is short at the checkout and you give them a few pence.,..obviously a christian. But doesnt everyone do that

They ask god what car they should get

Oh and we were recently at a wedding and FIL (who isn't religious in the slightest) said that the wedding was really lovely and meaningful because they were christians...most weddings are lovely and special and meaningful (ok some of my sides weddding have ended in fistfights but it was great til then)

I am a Christian who regularly goes to church. I don't think this makes me more moral than anyone else but having an hour once a week to reflect on things, listen to some bible readings and a talk etc helps me to sort out issues that I may have been dealing with throughout the week.

cheese

Thats what my mum used to do

I am a Catholic and try to live my life by morals. However I am a hypocrite, more to the church because I absolutely refuse to feel that contraception, abortion or divorce are the wrong decision. I also believe that the LGBT community (sorry if I missed anyone) should be accepted not tolerated or ignored. This doesn't make me moral than anyone else.

I am no more moral, probably less then some people of other religions or no religion. As far as possible I try to just worry about my own behaviour in terms of morals, though I can be judgmental probably some of it on MN.

There are two separate issues here. It's more moral to be a good person just because we are all human neighbours rather than because of orders from someone else and/ or the threat of eternal punishment. The other issue is that is it a 'moral' choice to stay in a dysfunctional unhappy relationship?

The office of national statistics don't break down divorce rates by faith groups. What you hear in the media is that divorce rates are the same for Christians as for those of no faith, or Christians have higher divorce rates or lower depending on who is writing the article. What most don't do is define Christian although some US studies try and pull apart nominal from active Christians. But then you get bias as to who is a nominal Christian. I've been told often enough that I'm not a proper Christian because I'm C of E which will skew the results of the person writing the report or blog only thinks that conservative Protestants are active or proper Christians.

When you look at the underlying ethical reasoning then Christians have a different tools in their ethical toolkit to people of no faith as Christians might say that they have a rule based ethic (10 commandments) or point to Jesus' teaching or the sanctity of life. A person without faith won't be using those tools but others which could be about greatest good for the greatest number (utilitarianism,) what I need to do to lead a good life (virtue theory) or autonomy. Or something else. When I go into schools to,talk about ethics most children haven't begun to think through why they think something is the right or moral choice, it just is. What the study of ethics does is try and dig into these decisions.

Are people of faith more moral. Depends how you define it and the answer is probably no they aren't.

I am religious, but I don't think I am more or less moral than others who either aren't religious at all, or practice other religions.

Marriage, imo, is not the be all and end all of life, whatever your belief.
Someone may stay in a bad marriage for the sake of religion, but morally, how is that fair on themselves, their children?

I think a lot of people who are religious fixate on one or two aspects and feel they are above others for it -'I don't drink, and I pray, so I must be better than you'

But it's really down to who you are as a person, how you treat others, are you spiteful/sly or do you always have the best of intentions? Do you have empathy, and recognise that you don't know what's going on in someone else's life, so it's unfair to judge?

I could be praying all day, everyday, and staying in a marriage others might leave, but if I'm a nasty person, trying to make others feel shit about themselves, or generally bring negativity to others, then all the good(or religious) things I do are pretty pointless.

The people who i know who are very religious have the worst morals. Drinking, cheating, having sex outside marriage, gambling, taking drugs, affairs, i could go on.

This has been my experience, too. The most religious man I ever met was a liar and practiced shocking nepotism, too, to the detriment of the rest of us working there.

I know some deeply religious people who are absolute horrors. They perform outwardly for their church and have a holier-than-thou attitude to non-believers but have treated their DCs abysmally, resulting in huge trauma for the children as they've started to become independent. I see their boasts on social media sometimes and want to say to them "yes, because attending a soup kitchen is exactly the right thing to do when your own DD is homeless since you discovered she had a boyfriend and asked her to leave your home since your God disapproved. Perhaps you'll see her there". Fuckers. If there is a God he wouldn't be telling parents to disown their DCs, he wouldn't be telling parents to abuse, neglect or demean their DCs for growing up and questioning Him. That's for certain.

You can stand in a mechanics garage all day, doesn't make you a BMW any more than attending church automatically makes you a Christian. It's your words and actions which prove your faith, moral compass and goodness. A huge proportion of the very kindest people I know have no faith. It's perfectly acceptable to think that religion has little to do with how moral a person is.