To not want to give updates all the time..

[Jasmin40]

I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant but have been told I will be induced at around 38 weeks due to a number of different factors. My OH and I moved out of our family homes together 2 weeks ago into our own house ready for babies arrival.
However, my MIL messages me almost every hour it may seem asking for updates on the baby, what I'm doing, about our house, etc. Messages will start off early in the morning with a 'How did you sleep?' I often have appointments during the week and am being monitored by a consultant so there will be a text soon after reading 'When is your appointment?' Then after the appt it will be "How did it go?" Then maybe a few hours after that it will be a "What are you up to?" And my personal favourite pretty much every night at around 9pm "Any signs of baby yet?"
The texts vary in subject and frequency (minimum of around 5 a day) but AIBU to have started feeling really frustrated about having to give an hour by hour account of my day every day through text? And if I don't reply in 30 minutes, she will message my OH the exact same thing. Or if she's not happy with my response, she will message my OH letting him know what we are discussing and her views/worries on it (e.g. I told her I was scheduled for a sweep soon a few days ago, she messaged my OH to say it's a bad idea).
I know her heart is in the right place but I'm starting to get frustrated with my phone going off every hour and am also going to find this hard to keep up with once LO is here. AIBU? If I'm not, how should I go about asking for it to be reduced slightly without hurting her feelings as overall she is a lovely lady and I'm pleased she is interested, I just want it to tone down a bit?

First of all, stop telling her what is going on. She is over involved. Imagine how irritating her constant interference with be when the baby is here.

Secondly, the next time she messages you, tell her you will no longer be communicating any information until further notice. Get your DH on board. If necessary block her number.

If you upset her and hurt her feelings now, it will be a lot easier to give yourself some space when you need it. Set your boundaries.

That would drive me crazy! I would message saying that she needs to back off and she will be kept informed as and when is required and in the meantime I will be ignoring all unnecessary messages. You also need to get your partner on side because otherwise he will be giving step by step of your labour/birth and then she will be there at the hospital before you know it!

@ToadsforJustice I am concerned for when our baby is here as I won't have the time in the day to be messaging about endless things but I wouldn't go so far as to block her as she is still my MIL and as I've said, she's a lovely lady so I don't want to ruin any relationship we have, I'm just looking for advice on how I could sensitively manage the situation so the messages are dramatically reduced.

And if I don't reply in 30 minutes, she will message my OH the exact same thing.

Problem solved. Let your OH decide whether to reply or have a (hopefully tactful) word with her.

I won't have the time in the day to be messaging about endless things
So don't. Reply as/when convenient, like once a day or whatever you don't mind doing. Don't apologise for the delay, and if she asks, tell her you were busy with the baby.

After the first text of the day reply that there is no news as yet but you will report tomorrow if there is. .
Then ignore.
Let dh deal with her. .

@Barmaid101 I said before to my OH that I don't want to tell anyone when I am in labour for that exact reason (endless messages and calls asking for updates) but have been told by OH that his MIL thinks this is really unfair. I have told OH that I don't care and both of our phones will be off until that baby is born even if it takes a week! Another thing I am going to have to sort before LO makes their appearance

"Secondly, the next time she messages you, tell her you will no longer be communicating any information until further notice. Get your DH on board. If necessary block her number.

If you upset her and hurt her feelings now, it will be a lot easier to give yourself some space when you need it. Set your boundaries."

Yep that's a good idea. Upset and hurt the feelings of the baby's grandmother before it's even born.

OP. Try asking her to text less often. Promise that you'll tell her if anything happens, but say tha all the texts are distracting you from the stuff you need to do.

Block her number so you can't see that she's messaged you. Don't tell her about new things, and contact her every other day at most - 'Oops - just trying to relax to be honest, leaving my phone off the hook. DH will let you know if anything IMPORTANT happens.'

Different situation, but I got sick to my back teeth of people asking how my house purchase was going. This is why I try and treat my pregnant/house buying/anything friends as if it isn't even happening unless they bring the topic to me. I assume they must be bored shitless by the relentless 'topic' talk.

'Everything is fine at our end, I'll let you know if anything changes' send it (same everytime)three times today, twice tomorrow and once on Thursday.

been told by OH that his MIL thinks this is really unfair

Point out to your OH that it is reasonable for you to not want to give other people a blow-by-blow account of your personal medical information

She's obviously very excited about the impending arrival but yes it needs to be pointed out that she is over stepping.

Do you mind me asking how far away you moved from her? You said you wouldn't have the time for constant updates but (having a very intrusive mother myself) I know first hand that if she is close enough and she doesn't get a reply quick enough for her liking, she'll be at your house helping judging you for the first few days "so you don't have to worry about texting her back"

Boundaries need to be set before that bubba is here otherwise she could become even more unbearable

YANBU this would drive me mad! I'd go with brief responses, sometimes leaving a while before you respond. As someone else said, if that means she texts OH instead then all the better!

I know I'm on my own but I like it, I'd have done anything for a bit of attention off my MIL when pregnant, it's better than being ignored. If it's really bothering you don't text back or take ages to text her back, so what if she texts your a partner least she's not bothering you.

Stop telling her about your appointments etc.

Ask your DH to talk to her about cutting down the messages. Tell him if it doesn't improve you will block her number. Let him deal with it.

@MrsDneedsaB 10 minutes down the road so yes, she's still very close by. I just have to find the perfect balance between not offending her so much that she gets upset as I do still want her to be involved and help out with the baby where she can (I'm sure I'll be begging for an extra pair of hands after a night of no sleep sometimes) but also let her know that I don't intend for her to be here every other day and asking non stop about baby. My OH is very much a people pleaser and I haven't mentioned to him about the messages irritating me yet as it's his mum and I don't want to offend him either but I think I may need to have a chat with him tonight just so he's also aware of boundaries. MIL's aye

@Mummaofboys I know I am lucky in that respect which is why I don't want to come across ungrateful as I do appreciate that my OH and I are lucky to have people around us who are so interested in our lives, i just need to find a happy medium!

Next time if she texts and says "any sign of the baby" just reply "yes, baby is here. Forgot to tell you. Soz".

Ah you have s dh problem love.

tell your dh you don't want to be like a bloody watched pot and then text mil as suggested above.

She's excited but needs to rein it in as this is fucking ridiculous.

Stop sharing info like sweeps unless you want every family member knowing.

Good luck op and don't engage. I am a mil btw.

londonpia

Bloody hilarious

Maybe a detailed message about the state of your hemorrhoids would stop her texting?!

Are these SMS texts or WhatsAp?

If its WhatAp reply only with vaguely relevant emojis - I did that to stop an over involved WhatAper and it worked :o

You know she's going to be at the hospital waiting for you with a catcher's mitt when you get there, right?

This evening when the "any signs of the baby yet?" message comes, reply "Do you think we'll forget to tell you when you are a grandma?! Don't worry, when there's a baby here you'll be first to know. You don't need to keep asking in case we've forgotten to tell you! x" Not nasty, but clear she doesn't need to keep asking. Follow tomorrow with "I know you are excited, but honestly, when there is news, I will tell you, I'm beginning to feel like a watched pot!"

Not horrible, not cutting her off, but being clear you dont need this shit.