To think loneliness is making me ill

[saintpony]

Sorry. Not a positive thread.

I do work but it is ad hoc (supply teacher) meaning I am broke and have no colleagues.

I have no family. Friends are at work and busy with own families evenings and weekends.

I can go weeks with no proper contact with anyone.

I am utterly despondent and miserable.

Join rock choir/volunteer group/WI.

I do volunteer as it happens but 3 hours a week work don't scratch the surface. I don't know what a rock choir is and WI is not for me. In any case its not exactly suggestions I need.

I know it sounds like a cliché but you've just got t pick youself up. You need a permenant job by the sounds of it. Why are you doing supply teaching.

Making a few simple life changes now will help you going forward.

Rock choir is a choir anyone can join. It is impossible for you to sing and be depressed at the same time. Try it.

Agree can you get a permanent job?

Have you seen the website meetup.com?

Check your local library, churches and community centre for activities. There's always stuff going on, but it won't come knocking on your front door. If you want to meet people you have to get out there.

I'm a bit shit so can't get a permanent job. Obviously people won't knock on the door but then they won't anyway - they are busy with their own lives and stuff going on.

Im sure thats not true. I take it youve tried to get a permanent job?

I'm sure you are not shit OP, and that there will be people in similar circumstances in your area. Why not put an ad in Mumsnet local or tap in to friendship group that revolve around community gardening, re-building stone walls, walking in the countryside, exercising, dog-walking? There are a myriad of activities advertised on the Internet, and you may have to go to quite a few until you find one that 'clicks' but I guarantee they are out there.

If you like animals, I would recommend taking dogs out for walks for elderly neighbours (there are sometimes local schemes) as people always stop to talk when you have a furry on the end of lead!

If nothing whatsover appeals, and you don't feel up to making that initial contact, how about you visit your gp? It could be that you are a bit depressed?

Good luck

"and stuff going on."

Yes, such as hobbies and activities. So see what takes your fancy and maybe join them if you long for company?

I have tried to get a permanent job. Liz no its more like their own jobs and families.

Im on anti depressants. Not sure they help!

So what would help you feel better? Seriously, do you have any realistic goals you could work towards? Planning your time to keep yourself moderately busy, ensuring you talk to people in a meaningful way regularly, taking some regular exercise and feeding yourself well, making your home environment as pleasant as possible?

Are any of these the sort of things that could help your mood? And although you are on anti ds have you had any talking therapies?

How about looking for an evening bar job or similar?

It would at least keep you busy and bring in a bit of extra cash?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there a massive shortage of teachers in some areas?

Could you move?

Of good teachers

I work evenings and some nights. I have to or I could not eat. I hate it though!

I don't think anything will make it better. I am resigned to a miserable lonely empty life.

I think you need to go back to your GP, youre dismissing anyones suggestions and say youve resigned yourself to a miserable, lonely life. No one deserves that !

What is it about your teaching that you think you are bad at?

Could you post on the staff room board so that other Mumsnetter teachers could give you some advice?

Hi Saintpony,

I do think you are ill and it may be the loneliness or your situation but your depression is making you believe that you can't go out and find things to do and that you are no good at your job.

It could be that you require a larger dose of anti-depressants but you probably also need something like CBT to change your mindset. Many doctor's surgeries have online courses you can sign in to which can be very helpful in changing the way you think. It may help you to enquire about this.

You sound very low and I really feel for you, when you are depressed it is almost impossible to be motivated to do things which may make you feel better. I think the first step for you is to see your GP again, ask about CBT and a dosage increase and maybe do a bit of walking to clear your head. You can then tackle activities etc. once you feel more able to.

I hope you do see your GP, it makes me sad that you feel the way your do.

Try meetup?

Take a look at this page and see what you can do.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/online-mental-health-services/Pages/introduction.aspx

I just wanted to hold your hand, virtually.

I understand how you feel. Loneliness is a terrible thing. I don't think many people actually know what it is like to spend long stretches of time by yourself. It messes with you head, it destroys your mood, it makes you feel worthless. There is a reason why solitary confinement is used as a kind of torture - because even strong people can be broken by isolation.

I don't think this is the kind of problem that can be solved in one fell swoop. But it is a problem that can be tackled in chunks. The first step is quite literally a step - outside of your own front door. A walk in which you are forced to interact with someone - just a stranger, a shop assistant, a cashier - do it right now. There's something about moving gently in the fresh air, in allowing your eyes to see beyond the distance of an interior, that is helpful.

I do think joining a group is a GREAT idea. There must be something you've always wanted to do. Come on, now, admit it - you'd love to windsurf/make pottery/learn to book patisserie/take a night class in rocket science or TS Eliot/learn the samba, or karate. Sign up to a class that's close by where you live, and GO. It won't necessarily be easy the first few weeks, but persist and you will soon meet new people.

Your confidence sounds like it has hit rock bottom, too. A book like Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway might help. And I definitely second those saying to revisit your GP - it make be that different ADs, or an altered dose, will help.

Hand-holding here with you.

Thanks. I never, ever get jobs. If there is just me and one other candidate they get it!

There is no intention of dismissing suggestions at all. Please don't take it as such. But once you start being sucked down going back up can be so hard.

Could you retrain if teaching is not offering a fulfilling career? You can get financial help to do this and it would offer you the opportunity to meet new people and strike up friendships!

Unfortunately I just can't afford to.

It sounds very much like you're your own worst enemy when it comes to jobs as you are so lacking in self esteem. Counselling would definitely help you with this and you would be able to put your life in perspective and support you in deciding what changes you would like to make. Learning to love yourself is the key to everything.