To think loneliness is making me ill

[saintpony]

Sorry. Not a positive thread.

I do work but it is ad hoc (supply teacher) meaning I am broke and have no colleagues.

I have no family. Friends are at work and busy with own families evenings and weekends.

I can go weeks with no proper contact with anyone.

I am utterly despondent and miserable.

If you join a book club / rock choir/WI then often social events come as part of that. You do have to make an effort though

RedHelen, it really is a lot more than making an effort. In all honesty, I can't do an awful lot more without bankrupting myself. It isn't just about the cost of various activities, it's about the cost of not working while i do them. If, for example, i signed up for a book club and it was on thursday evening and then i get work on thursday I have 'lost £20 without even factoring in petrol or a train ticket.

Of course I do do some stuff - I have to or I'd go insane but to put it this way, if we are awake for maybe 16 hours a day and 7 days a week so that is 112 hours. Minus say 45 working full time plus commute. Still 67 hours. Let's say I do something every evening every day for 2 hours and it takes half an hour there and back so 3 hours. That's still 46 hours completely alone. Not mentioning the fact if I did do that I would be broke! Yet people still think you're not making an effort. I try really hard in fact but it does not alter the fact the basic backdrop is miserable. And of course right now I don't have 40 hours work a week.

If I sound negative I'm sorry. But I am just very miserable!

Do you think starting dating would be a good idea, it sounds like you need serious companionship not just 'friends'. I know its not easy to put yourself out there on the dating scene if you've been out of it for a while but nothing ventured hey?

Money!
24+advanced learning loan or student finance? That's how I did it. Sorry if I offended you.

Loneliness is very painful, I am sorry OP.

Would you ever consider doing after school/part time nannying? With your teaching experience you would be a great asset. Same as with tutoring, some parents advertise for after school/weekend tutors which might suit you.

Have a hug, I know it hurts x

Op can you not get some sociable part time work like bar work, or shop work. A couple of evenings would help your finances and get you out talking to customers? Or as a teacher could you not do private tutoring?

Or how about weekends? think about what type of part time job would be reasonably enjoyable and go and offer your services you may be surprised what comes up. Or try volunteering somewhere you really have an interest until find additional paid work....there are some interesting things if you look....consider charities...animal shelters or anything that interests you....

OP are there any allotments nearby or similar? Costs next to nothing, fresh air and exercise and loads of friendly people IME.
I've also heard about groups that get together to clear streams, hedgerows, that sort of thing. All volunteers, again costs nothing and you meet people in a nurturing environment.

Another suggestion op: a fair while back I was a newly arrived expat with no friends and a poor grasp of the local language, I felt quite despairing and isolated having left family and friends back in the UK. I looked around for a club that interested me and didn't really find one, so I posted on-line (local expats forum) to see if anyone would be interested in setting one up. I had eight initial responses. Four people turned up to the first (organising) meeting. Then we found a venue and a dozen people turned up to the first monthly meeting. I think 30 odd people turned up to the second meeting after we had advertised it a bit more. Over a number of years, the membership rose to 250+. I no longer run the club (someone else took it over when I became a mother) but many, many years later, I am still very close friends with some of the founding members. It was all run on a shoe-string too.

Why not give it a go? Once a month is manageable (and comes around quicker than you might think). It's worth a punt perhaps? Bluntly speaking (but meant kindly) as you say yourself, what you are doing now isn't fulfilling you, so you do need to try something different.

What I meant to include in that last post is that people started to socialise informally after the club meetings (which were held above a bar and restaurant) and I started to socialise with members of the club, outside of the club context, and met other new people in the process. People started making arrangements to travel to and from the club meetings together and then popped in to one another's homes etc etc and then invited each other to join aligned activities.
It builds up slowly in other words. It's a slow process, you have to give it time, but you'll get there eventually (especially if you set up a club with a central activity that you enjoy; there is more chance then of you meeting like-minded people).