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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think loneliness is making me ill

59 replies

saintpony · 05/09/2017 12:57

Sorry. Not a positive thread.

I do work but it is ad hoc (supply teacher) meaning I am broke and have no colleagues.

I have no family. Friends are at work and busy with own families evenings and weekends.

I can go weeks with no proper contact with anyone.

I am utterly despondent and miserable.

OP posts:
YoullShootYourEyeOut · 05/09/2017 15:43

Sorry that should be "get support".

MadamMinacious · 05/09/2017 15:45

.But once you start being sucked down going back up can be so hard.

I really do understand. I have used (and revisited) an online CBT course myself so I'm not just suggesting it in cheery helpfulness. It is surprising how much it can correct the ways you think. I know I get caught in a spiral of negativity but catching those thoughts and examining them can break the cycle. The only reason I suggest this as a start is because it is a a first step which helps how you feel. It may give you more confidence to try that activity you've always wanted to try I just think that where you are (in your head) right now may be making that difficult for you to do. I'd like to virtually hold your hand too because it's hard to be where you are.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 05/09/2017 15:47

How long have you been on the antidepressants? They do take a while to kick in sometimes. After a while it's possible to 'go off' them or need a higher dose, or a different kind altogether.
So off to the GP, that's the 1st thing.

Would you like a family? Do you date at all?

Martini1 · 05/09/2017 15:51

As VVS says, how long have you been on antidepressants? After a year in a black hole I finally went on them and they transformed my attitude and life, when I thought it was impossible. 9 out of 10 efforts to meet new people may not result in anything, but, 1 in 10 do! Volunteer. Is there anything that you get pleasure from?

5rivers7hills · 05/09/2017 15:53

Get a cat?

Pallisers · 05/09/2017 15:54

I don't think your anti-Ds are working - or if you just started them, they haven't kicked in yet. You sound horribly depressed and while your loneliness and lack of work would make anyone unhappy, you sound stuck and hopeless which are more a symptom of depression.

For a start, I think you should go back to your GP and ask for a change in medication.

Then I think you should leave aside the work thing for the moment - once your mood improves, I bet you will do better in interviews. For now, try to make some small changes. Start a routine in your life so you go to the same small shop every day or every week. Make a comment about the weather. Eventually you will be known by the shop owner and that will be one point of contact for you in your day/week. Go for a walk every day - just walking lifts the mood no matter what - like literally the act of walking.

Look in your library and see if your community offers any free classes or skill building or interview prepping.

It can get better, OP, honestly. I think the first thing is to make sure you are getting the right medication that works.

Original poster
saintpony · 05/09/2017 15:55

I have two. I would love a family I don't date though. I am trying to be positive but think I am just being realistic.

OP posts:
MiaowTheCat · 05/09/2017 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
saintpony · 05/09/2017 16:04

Thank you Miaow it is just horrible waiting for the phone to ring!

OP posts:
VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 05/09/2017 16:10

Keep posting here OP! I've been in a similar situation (no money, crap at interviews, no family ...) and things can and will change for the better.
No off to the GP! Flowers

StevieNicksSilverSpring · 05/09/2017 16:14

Yes, loneliness can make you ill. Amongst other things you can neglect your diet and eat crap that would be me Have you had blood tests to check your thyroid, vitamin B12 and vitamin D?

You need a routine so you're out of the house and being with people. So ditch the supply teaching and get an office job for now.

I know you didn't ask for suggestions but I didn't want to leave just a "yes" in response to your question.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/09/2017 16:17

I agree with the suggestion to get a cat. They are not as needy as dogs so won't be overwhelming in terms of responsibility, but they can be very affectionate company, especially when you are snuggled up with them in the evenings.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/09/2017 16:18

Sorry, didn't refresh the page before posting so didn't see you had answered the cat question!

StevieNicksSilverSpring · 05/09/2017 16:36

Lovely as cats are, they really aren't the solution to soul destroying loneliness.

Original poster
saintpony · 05/09/2017 17:03

They aren't stevie you are right.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/09/2017 18:34

No. Of course not. Sorry for offering a kindly meant suggestion.

Ragwort · 05/09/2017 18:59

You say 'WI is not for me' - how do you know? Have you ever joined a WI? There are lots of different WIs - some are geared up for 'younger' members, some are more traditional - you seem to be making assumptions about a group without even trying it. Interestingly one of the WI campaigns this year is about alieviating loneliness, so this is very much on-topic for the WI.

I understand that often when you join a new group you don't immediately make 'best' friends, but you will be busy, active and outside your own home. I do a lot of volunteering, community work, joining groups (including the WI Grin) and I have a wide range of friends and activities.

Original poster
saintpony · 05/09/2017 19:53

See so do I. Sorry for sounding negative. Life is hard right now hopefully.will get better.

OP posts:
Beadieeye · 05/09/2017 20:07

The antidepressants alone won't work, if the depression is situational rather than a chemical imbalance. You need to make lifestyle changes, as suggested here on the thread. Why not do a degree even if it's not to retrain, but just in a subject you are interested in? For the social aspect to start off, rather than focussing on your career. Hope things are looking up for you soon, I know how crap it is being stuck in a rut but small changes can make all the difference.

Original poster
saintpony · 05/09/2017 20:20

Money!

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 05/09/2017 20:31

You have my total sympathy OP. I have done long term supply and while people were perfectly nice to me you don't get the chance to 'make friends' as it were. It was a real issue. However I think if you are taking ads and still feeling as bad as you are then you might look into changing them because they should, at least, stop you feeling so very low. Would you be willing to address this with a gp?

I can feel your pain. Unmnetty hugs. Flowers

PlasticPatty · 05/09/2017 20:34

I am resigned to a miserable lonely empty life.
So was I. I thought I was one of the walking dead, just waiting for someone to notice so that I could be buried.
Then I had a proper breakdown, had to stop teaching, was ill for quite a while and now I'm...
happy!
There is hope, OP. Things can get better.

Original poster
saintpony · 05/09/2017 20:56

I hope so. I pray there is a way out but I can't see one.

OP posts:
notthe1Parrot · 05/09/2017 21:21

Would you be prepared to try the U3A? Our area has over 100 different groups/activities, free or very cheap, most held in the daytime. I have found it really friendly and interesting.

Google it and see what you think.

waitingforlifetostart · 05/09/2017 21:21

Could you pick a school you like and offer them your voluntary services for the days you don't get supply work. They'd have to be flexible as you could turn up or not depending on whether you had supply work but they'd get the benefit of free support. You could do interventions, work with readers, support in classes etc.

You could build up your teaching confidence doing this and potentially make friends etc too.