Wasn't really sure where to post this, so I'm posting here for traffic.
I'm at the end of my tether. I've felt sick, vomited several times and my heart has been pounding for days.
Teenage dd, 17. January she was on top of the world. A levels, part time job, lots of cash saved for driving lessons. Then she met a 26 year old man at work. She was 16 at the time.
We found out about 4 months into the relationship when I tried to confiscate her phone for some misdemeanor.
Suddenly everything fell into place. The late nights up talking to friends, the changes in her appearance, random gifts appearing, etc. I was shocked and not happy about the age gap, but as time has gone on things have got worse.
She was 15 % underweight at one point, convinced the drs she was anorexic, and got referred to a therapist who she told she hadn't eaten for three days. We thought she was depressed, hence the GP visit.
She's eating a now but still looks painfully thin. Her skin is pale, her hair is green due to over dyeing different colours. She has new piercings in her ears, stomach and nose which keep getting infected. She failed her A levels (U, U, E), despite being predicted Bs and Cs at Xmas. She has been fired from several jobs and 'let go; from others.
He's currently in Portugal (home country) but due back again soon, and I don't think I can cope with it again. He is a sex obsessed predator. He has videos and pictures of her, and all he is interested in is meeting up for sex. He cheated on her with a work colleague and she still goes back. He doesn't care that she has failed her exams. He watches porn, and without going into details, he treats my daughter like a porn actress. He wants a threesome with her and a friend. She now thinks that this is all normal relationship behaviour. He reinforces her own insecurities about her body. He draws, and drew a picture of her but told her he used a victoria's secret model for the body. He wants a sex party.
She is an emotional mess. She lies non stop, including to him. She has told him she has a flashy car and is starting a law degree. She appears to compulsively lie, and it can be about anything and everything. She is snappy with her siblings and not pleasant at all to be around.
I only know because when we thought she was anorexic and suicidal, we checked her facebook messages. I've never invaded her privacy before, but the GP couldn't help, there are no therapies around, they won't prescribe, and I was living with the fear that I was going to find her dead one day. She doesn't know that I've read them, so it's impossible for me to explain to her how unhealthy the relationship is.
I'm just so sick now of being lied to, the worry of it all, and being treated like dirt. I work 7 days a week, but I work from home a lot so I've been around for her, and even taking her to work with me at weekends (it's a job she can help with) and it's been so draining.
I want to tell her, if she wants to keep seeing him and throwing her life away she needs to move out. AIBU? What else can I do?