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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so hurt

78 replies

Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 09:59

Been mainly messaging a guy for nearly a year. Met a few times and had sex once. Long story as to why not met more which I don't want to go into.

We've had a few disagreements but last night he was really nasty.

He has a tendency to blow hot and cold on me. Yesterday I asked him why he did this after I text him previously as he seemed a bit abrupt? Well he really went off on one, saying 'oh ffs and I'll be off with you now". I replied asking if he meant that and he just ignored me.

I then left it a couple of hours then text him again and he said "I'm fucking busy" then had a dig at me because he works and I don't, he wasn't working last night btw, so he couldn't use work as an excuse last night.

I sent him a couple more messages basically asking him why he's being like this and that I thought he liked me but obviously not. He ignored that so then I sent one more text saying I may as well delete your number now as you're ignoring me anyway.

He replied later saying stop being silly. Not heard since.

If he really liked me he would be messaging me first thing to tell me, surley?

I feel really hurt by his nasty outburst.

If he was busy with work then fine, but he was off yesterday and when he told me he was busy, his wattsapp was constantly online!!

OP posts:
dolcezza99 · 05/09/2017 13:11

Been mainly messaging a guy for nearly a year. Met a few times and had sex once. Long story as to why not met more which I don't want to go into.

Married, then.

Have some self respect and get rid of him.

Holidayhooray · 05/09/2017 13:13

You don't work
I'm guessing you're spending one heck of a lot of time obsessing about this.

He doesn't sound pleasant but are you bombarding him with messages? That's pretty off putting.

MadMags · 05/09/2017 13:13

He's married, isn't he?

You need to find some self-respect and fast. Waiting until he texts you so you can ignore him?

You really need to grow up for your own sake.

godconfusion · 05/09/2017 13:18

Sweetheart you want to hurt him because he's hurt you. You can't. You're not important enough to actually hurt him.

He's one of those men who doesn't get close enough to get hurt by anybody actually interested in him. He might get hurt by someone he's chased besottedly and been rejected by... not you.

You can neither rescue him nor hurt him. You can only rescue you and your self esteem.

You can however slightly bruise his ego by simply going "poof" from his world. He'll be annoyed. He won't be hurt though

Find yourself a date who's really into you... you'll soon start feeling like you're over him when you see how much of a fantasy it actually was. We all like things that aren't good for us... chocolate, wine, attractive dickheads that have that "player" manipulative air about them but pay us attention so we must be more alluring than all the other women he could do this to...

but we must be careful how much we consume before we have a serious self sabotage problem

Original poster
Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 13:26

No he's not married.

Thanks for your kind words godconfusion. I blocked him once before so he opened up a Fb account to get in touch with me that way and won me over, then started being cold with me again.

Very odd bloke

OP posts:
godconfusion · 05/09/2017 13:27

Sorry if I sounded patronising... reading back it depends on the tone of voice you hear it in. I don't mean to sound patronising, just empathetic because I have been there, got the t shirt and it really hurts... but like a plaster... ripping it off and it soon feels better

19lottie82 · 05/09/2017 13:29

Urgggh just ditch him OP.
One bit of advice when it comes to relationships I treasure is, be with someone that wants to be with you and proves it every day.

godconfusion · 05/09/2017 13:30

That's a narcissist...

He can't handle you not liking him. Ignores your boundaries. But doesn't actually want you. And will then bleat on about you not respecting his boundaries.

They're not fun.

schoolgaterebel · 05/09/2017 13:32

He's obviously either:
a) not that into you, or
b) not ready for a relationship
c) not ready for a relationship with you

Please don't waste any more time on him.

Also, don't keep texting when someone isn't responding, it's weird and clingy and you have handed him all the power to treat you like shit. Regain some self respect and dignity and people will treat you better.

AuntyElle · 05/09/2017 13:34

Excellent description of these guys, godconfusion. I've been there too Hmm

Original poster
Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 13:37

godconfusion I meant thanks for your kind words in a nice way.

A Narcissist? I did wonder but now you've confirmed it.

Note to self, when I do find a decent bloke, let him do all the texting.

OP posts:
godconfusion · 05/09/2017 13:40

Sorry you were typing at the same time I was... hadn't seen your thanks yet. I was double posting after reading my own words back Grin

Motoko · 05/09/2017 14:01

I'm going to wait for him to text, which he probably will in a few days time when he's bored, and I'll ignore it. Then if texts later on asking why I've not replied I'll tell him that I'm fucking busy, then block.

Stop playing games. Just block him now. And if you don't block him, and he comes back apologising for being shit, don't fall for it, because it will just be lies.

Original poster
Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 14:06

stop playing games, he's been playing them with me so why shouldn't I have the last laugh before blocking him?

OP posts:
BeachyKeen · 05/09/2017 14:13

If you choose to continue to engage with guy, after all of this, you are just asking for trouble.

Nelly5678 · 05/09/2017 14:39

Sending him countless messages when he doesn't want to talk is only gonna annoy him further

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/09/2017 14:42

Because

a) you won't have the last laugh - he will manage to get some comment in that will really hurt you

b) you are keeping the line of communication open, which shows you really want to engage with him despite what you say

and
c) you will be waiting for that text - which may or may not arrive - and if it doesn't you will be hurt

Do't pussyfoot around - block, and don't respond to any other methods he may use to contact you.

He's a waste of energy.

garmsfresh · 05/09/2017 14:43

He may not be married but your not the only women on his radar. He sounds like a utter waste of energy.

Pancakeflipper · 05/09/2017 14:50

He is using you. He's not that into you except when it suits him and on his terms.
I wonder if he's a distraction for you from being a carer and you are over focusing on him a bit too much?
Get a new distraction. You are worth more.

Butterymuffin · 05/09/2017 14:51

The best response to anything like this is always total silence. It beats any 'witty' or cutting reply because the person on the other end gets no satisfaction that they've got to you or hurt you. You look indifferent . Don't ever message him, or reply to one of his, again. That is truly the last laugh.

SparklyMagpie · 05/09/2017 14:53

You really wouldn't be having the last laugh by playing games with him

You will have the last laugh by cutting off all contact, blocking and deleting him out of your life

dollydaydream114 · 05/09/2017 14:55

Your 'relationship' so far has been entirely online with one meeting when you had sex ... and yet you have already had several rows, you already blocked him once and he has been nasty to you.

This is the behaviour of a couple about to divorce, not a pair of star-crossed long-distance lovers. And your silence over why you've only met once speaks volumes I'm afraid.

The fact that he 'won you over' by creating a new account after you blocked him is really unhealthy. You think that was romantic? No. It was stalky and controlling and disrespectful of your boundaries. Do not let yourself be treated like this. Absolutely do not.

dollydaydream114 · 05/09/2017 14:56

Whatever he has told you, by the way, I would be amazed if he is actually single.

PickAChew · 05/09/2017 14:56

Life is too short for this shit.

When you do find a decent bloke, the conversation will flow much more freely.

AgathaF · 05/09/2017 15:00

he's been playing them with me so why shouldn't I have the last laugh before blocking him - because it shows that you are still invested in him, in getting his attention, in being needy towards him. Please, just block him and draw a line under it. You're still giving him attention by waiting for another text.