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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so hurt

78 replies

Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 09:59

Been mainly messaging a guy for nearly a year. Met a few times and had sex once. Long story as to why not met more which I don't want to go into.

We've had a few disagreements but last night he was really nasty.

He has a tendency to blow hot and cold on me. Yesterday I asked him why he did this after I text him previously as he seemed a bit abrupt? Well he really went off on one, saying 'oh ffs and I'll be off with you now". I replied asking if he meant that and he just ignored me.

I then left it a couple of hours then text him again and he said "I'm fucking busy" then had a dig at me because he works and I don't, he wasn't working last night btw, so he couldn't use work as an excuse last night.

I sent him a couple more messages basically asking him why he's being like this and that I thought he liked me but obviously not. He ignored that so then I sent one more text saying I may as well delete your number now as you're ignoring me anyway.

He replied later saying stop being silly. Not heard since.

If he really liked me he would be messaging me first thing to tell me, surley?

I feel really hurt by his nasty outburst.

If he was busy with work then fine, but he was off yesterday and when he told me he was busy, his wattsapp was constantly online!!

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 05/09/2017 10:52

For goodness sake ihatemen why are you allowing yourself to be treated like crap.

you are worth more than an arsehole who obviously doesn't give a fuck about you

Your lapping up his awful treatment of you like it's the tastiest treat going. stop

Don't reply he doesn't deserve your courtesy, by replying you are sending him a very clear message that he can behave towards you however he like and your going to stick around and take it!

Tell him it's over your worth more than this and block.

My advice is to do some work on yourself before you find your next partner because until you can develop your self esteem you will allow bad people to treat you badly.

AgathaF · 05/09/2017 10:56

his wattsapp was on and off line constantly so he was on it. Yes I did it bit of wattsapp stalking because he was telling me how fucking busy he was - for goodness sake, this is not a relationship, it's not even a fuck buddy. Cool it. End contact. Move on.

Why, why would you keep going back for more of this shit? And why are you even thinking about it?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/09/2017 10:57

Get rid of him. Stop texting him
The right person is out there for everyone We all know including you that. You deserve better.
Doyou want it to lead anywhere. If he's speaking to you like shit, now. What do you think after a 10 years of marriage.
Someone not working is no excuse to be abusive to them. Okay he may work long hours, but. You don't ask him to.

RaincloudOfDoom · 05/09/2017 11:07

Modern etiquette rule - only men may text their partners a lot - it's "romantic" when they do it (sometimes even when it's tipped into stalking).

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/09/2017 11:11

"Why don't you work."

And that's anyones business because, what.!!!!

Shadow666 · 05/09/2017 11:11

It's the classic argument but done by text

What's wrong?
Nothing
Well something`s wrong.
Nothing's wrong
Then why are you being off with me?
I'm not being off with you.
Yes, you are.... So, are you going to tell me what's wrong then?

It is irritating.

chocorabbit · 05/09/2017 11:17

People who have such outbursts, anger management problems, swear a lot, attack you etc do not change. You keep trying to make it work already. It will only get worse. You are wasting too much time and energy on him. As the first poster who replied told you regain your self respect. You are equally as important!

Somerford · 05/09/2017 11:23

sonja his wattsapp was on and off line constantly so he was on it. Yes I did it bit of wattsapp stalking because he was telling me how fucking busy he was

You MUST stop this. Obsessing over how long it's been since he read your message without reply, monitoring how long he's been online for, sending more messages to chase up the last one he hasn't replied to...Jesus. Just calm down.

I strongly suggest you move on from this guy but DO NOT carry on this behaviour with anyone else you get chatting to. If somebody doesn't reply to a message, just wait. That's it. If you bombard them with a stream of:

"why aren't you replying?"

"I can see that you read my last message 6 minutes ago and you've been online in the last two minutes"

"You're online again now, why haven't you replied?

"You obviously don't like me seeing as you read my last message asking why you haven't replied and you still haven't replied"

Etc
Etc
Etc

Anyone in their right mind will run a mile. Ease up a bit, restore your dignity and self respect.

Original poster
Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 11:31

Thanks for all the advice.

I never bombarded him with texts, yesterday was the first time because I wanted to know why he was off with me.

If he does text, which I don't think he will now, then I'll tell him to fuck off because I'm busy, then block him!

OP posts:
godconfusion · 05/09/2017 11:33

Oh love... he's just not that into you. You massage his ego but he's laughing at you for it.

I really liked someone once, got all needy and knew I had fucked it up because of it but it was like an addiction... checking just in case perhaps he did like me after all, perhaps we could be together... it was all in my head

I finally realised when he became nastier and nastier... but I also knew I had kind of pushed him into having to be to give a very clear message

These men... they don't want you if you want them. And if you actually do, it's hard to hide.

Break the addiction... find someone who actually does like you. This one doesn't Flowers

It hurts because in your head he did like you... in your head though, not his x

WomblingThree · 05/09/2017 11:34

What's the long story you don't want to go into? His wife?

Honestly, you need to get some self respect. You have wasted an entire year of your life on this bloke. You met a few times and shagged him once. What on earth is the point of this "relationship"?

Stalking his whatsapp and sending ridiculous messages - it makes you sound about 14. He knows he can treat you like crap, and you let him. He's probably with his mates having a good laugh about how much shit he can text you and you keep coming back for more.

Seriously, no-one needs a "man" this desperately. When you get rid of him, you can find a decent one if you have to have one.

godconfusion · 05/09/2017 11:36

To feel better... text him "bye Felicia" then block and have a nice glass of wine chuckling at the little ego bruise you might have inflicted back

It will be little... but it will feel good

Original poster
Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 11:47

godconfusion you are so right in everything you said. I've often wondered if he only texts when he's horny so he can get his rocks off.

It's obvious I'm more into him.

He was so nasty last night and that hurt.

OP posts:
proplapsingallover · 05/09/2017 11:49

Are you old enough to drink wine? You don't work- is that because you are still at school?

All sounds very juvenile.

Original poster
Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 12:00

proplap plenty old enough to drink wine thanku and I don't work because I'm a carer for my DS!!

OP posts:
strongasmeringue · 05/09/2017 12:15

If he does text you, please please don't respond out of courtesy. He's treating you like you're good enough for an ego boost and nothing else, not even human decency. Work on yourself. Delete this twat.

Gottagetmoving · 05/09/2017 12:18

Stop chasing him. He sounds horrible and will be more horrible if you beg him for answers.
No, he doesn't like you enough. You are worth more than that behaviour.
Take control and dump him.

Namechangetempissue · 05/09/2017 12:28

He is an arsehole and he doesn't like you that much. So sorry op. You really need to put this one to bed and move on. No more texts, no more checking if he is online. Nothing. Delete his numbers, social media etc to stop any temptation.
It is immensely irritating if people incessantly ask 'are you in a mood' and 'what's wrong' but he sounds awful and the op deserves better.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2017 12:30

Sack him off, delete and block, he's not right for you.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2017 12:32

Yes this is not a relationship, your there for his convenience. When he wants a shag, he sound absolutely crap.

VladmirsPoutine · 05/09/2017 12:41

proplapsingallover That was a very unnecessary comment. Don't be so rude. It's clear the OP is hurting and you just being rude for the sake of it is nasty.

OP, block, delete and move on. He's not the guy for you. Yes I know it hurts but you will heal and find someone worthy of your heart.

AgathaF · 05/09/2017 12:50

If he does text, which I don't think he will now, then I'll tell him to fuck off because I'm busy, then block him or even better, block him first. Why wait for his contact to block him. Take back some control.

youhavetobekidding · 05/09/2017 12:59

Sometimes, when people accept being treated badly, it's because deep down, they don't feel they deserve to be treated better, so they don't stand up for themselves. If this rings true for you, I suggest you look at ways to boost your self esteem

There are plenty of frogs out there, but princes too & they're worth waiting for

Original poster
Ihatemen00 · 05/09/2017 13:08

I'm going to wait for him to text, which he probably will in a few days time when he's bored, and I'll ignore it. Then if texts later on asking why I've not replied I'll tell him that I'm fucking busy, then block.

I know he's just using me, but for some reason he seems to have this hold over me...maybe because I fancy him so much and he know this.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 05/09/2017 13:08

Don't wait for him to text you, don't waste a moment longer on him. He clearly care about you. Block him now, delete him from everything and move on.